My Salvation
by Aledhwen
Summary: After falling into an ambush, Naruto is badly wounded trying to save Kakashi. This makes the silver head jounin realize how much he loves Naruto, and how much he regrets not confessing his feelings before that moment.
1. The Vow

**MY SALVATION**

 **Disclamer:** I don't own Naruto nor the associated characters. And Kakashi is unownable, is just too damn perfect.

 **Warnings** : This story is a romance story between Kakashi and Naruto, but with an adult and consentant Naruto. If you don't like this pairing or yaoi, please don't read :)

 **Sum-up** : After falling into an ambush, Naruto is badly wounded trying to save Kakashi. This makes the silver head jounin realize how much he loves Naruto, and how much he regrets not confessing his feelings before that moment.

 **Chapter First: The Vow**

 ** _This story is dedicated again to Amelia the Fujoshi, who inspired me about Kakashi and Naruto, and without whom I might never have found again the pleasure to write._**

It was Hell. The beautiful, green meadow in which the Konoha shinobi met the mercenaries was now nothing more than a battered, bloody ocean. Screams were reverberating through the air, as well as the shock of weapons tearing at each other. The fog was so deep it overwhelmed not only senses, it was also crawling like a white, insidious spider within the heart of the warriors. Kakashi was doing his best to fight back the enemy while watching over the shinobi he had under his command.

Among them was Sakura, Sai and Naruto, the three most important people of his life.

Kuso... I have led them right into a trap, Kakashi thought to himself while focusing on his surroundings, his Sharingan wide open, his bloody hands clenching his kunai until his knuckles were white.

He turned around, just in time to block a heavy sword coming right at his skull. With a swift turn of his wrist, he secured the sword in one arm and aimed a violent kick in his opponent's head with his right foot. The man fell back with a growl, just to be replaced by another who screamed :

" **Katon ! Goukakyuu no jutsu !** "

Kakashi jumped out of the way, yelling « WATCH OUT ! » as a huge fire ball erupted from the man's mouth.

" **Suiton : Naminorigeki !** " Kakashi growled.

A powerful wave of water formed itself between his feet, and he launched himself at his opponent, engulfing him into the water.

" **Raikiri !** " he screamed, diving his shining hand into the water, electrocuting his opponent who let out a howl of pain, before he stopped moving.

Kakashi panted and pulled away from the corpse.

He didn't have enough time to think.

The enemy was everywhere and they were bloody well prepared. Occasionally, Kakashi would hear a thunderous **"Kage bunshin no jutsu!"** , a blood curling **"Shannnaaaroooo!"** or a tensed **"Ninpo, Chouju Giga!"** the only clues which indicated him that Naruto, Sakura and Sai were still alive and fighting like lions.

Of course, the enemy wouldn't let him think properly, and his heart was frozen at the prospect of losing one of his precious, so precious former students.

Especially Naruto.

" Minna ! Don't let the fog scare you ! Close your eyes and use your ears and nose, it's the only way to detect them! Naruto, Sai, Sakura, stay together !", he yelled.

" Come on, Akamaru, let's smell these bastards out of their hideout ! ", he heard Kiba yell.

However Naruto, Sai and Sakura didn't answer.

Kakashi kept swirling on his feet, his sharingan uncovered, scrutinizing the land to detect his opponents' chakra. It was particularly troubled, he noticed, as if someone had been tampering with it, which would explain their frightening, misshapen appearance.

" Damn, these men are barely human... " he mumbled while diving his lightning-coated kunai right through one of them's throat.

Tsunade had warned him, back in her office, sipping her sake while Kakashi was reading the mission order.

" Kakashi, don't underestimate this gang. We don't know how many they are, but it seems that they have been...hem...experimented upon."

"Kabuto ?" Kakashi had asked.

"It's possible. That's why I want you, Hatake Kakashi, to stop them and bring me one of them dead or alive. I might find something to figure this out. "

It had taken almost two weeks to track them down. These guys had been very difficult to find, because their chakra pattern was totally abnormal, and they had no smell. Yet in the end, they were the first ones to find them.

They had set up an ambush, and Kakashi and his team had fell right into it. The silver-haired jounin fought like a demon, kicking, slicing, gutting, snarling and roaring.

Then the world came to a halt, and he suddenly noticed that everything had fallen silent around him. The fog seemed thicker, but Kakashi didn't understand why all the sounds of battle had abruptly died as if he was alone in the world.

As his sharingan spinned through the fog, he slowly became aware of the presence of a malevolent, dangerous chakra roaming around him, but in spite of all his efforts, he couldn't see its source. Consequently, Kakashi decided to follow his own advice.

He closed his eyes and focused...

He thought he could hear an eerie humming in the air, like an other-worldy melody that chilled his bones and made the hair on his arms reach out to the sky. It seemed to be coming from every direction...and he could feel his brain become slightly slower, as if he was slightly drunk.

" Genjutsu ? " Kakashi whispered to himself, "Kai ! " he said.

He opened his sharingan only, and looked around.

All around him, everything was still envelopped in a white, thick fog. The humming was still dancing in the air like an invisible snake, playing with Kakashi's senses.

"Damn it, why doesn't my Sharingan dissipate the illusion ?"

The dark chakra kept surrounding him, and he could feel it becoming more and more threatening.

"Come on. Get the hell out. Show yourself. ", Kakashi said through gritted teeth, his hands clutching his kunais.

The humming kept resounding through the fog...

Kakashi felt his members become even duller and heavier.

"Kuso... Sound hypnose... "

He took one of his kunais and dived it deep into his hand, wincing in pain...

The fog was still there, and the humming still resounding in the deathly silence.

"Masaka !"

It was the first time ever he could not break a genjutsu with his Sharingan nor with physical pain.

A shadow crept over him, and he heard the sound of a huge sword cutting through air at terrible speed. He ducked and rolled back to avoid the several blows that were aimed at him, but suddenly a steel hand gripped his throat, lifting him in the air. Kakashi struggled but his members were as heavy as a thousand of freaking bricks. It was just as if he had been drugged. Damn, that bastard was stronger than Sakura, and Kakashi could feel his windpipe being crushed to pieces.

"Oh no you don't... " He thought to himself, fighting to get air into his lungs before he was suddenly thrown away into the fog. He crashed on the damp ground, choking and coughing. He heard a sinister laugh coming his way. He knew he was trapped. The genjutsu was particularly strong and even though he was Hatake Kakashi, he was exhausted from having already fought for several hours.

He had only one way to break the genjutsu left...It was to create another one. However, he knew that if he used it, he might not be able to fight again after. He had been using his sharingan a lot, and he could feel all his body coming dangerously close to chakra depletion.

He could die right away.

His thoughts drifted to a pink-haired kunoichi, a dark-eyed boy...

And a loud, golden-haired boy.

He sighed. If he was going to do this, he had to use his time well and take that bastard down as fast as he could. So he closed his eyes, and yelled:

" **Mangekyou Sharingan !"**

The effect was immediate, which was a good thing, as he had to move and act really quickly before the Mangekyou depleted all his chakra. He could distinctly see the caster of the genjutsu now, and he turned the situation to his advantage. Trapping him into his own illusion, he succeded in desarming him, making his huge sword fly in the distance. Then Kakashi lunged forward and formed rapid hand signs :

"Raiton : Shichuu Shibari !"

Four giant rock pillars burst from the ground and trapped his deformed opponent into a giant lightening cage, making him scream in pain. Still, the mutant hadn't lost yet. Before Kakashi could do anything, the creature yelled « Doton : Kouka jutsu ! », which created an armour of rock that encased his body and absorbed most of the lightenings. He succeeded in getting out and aimed a formidable blow at Kakashi who prepared to block it easily, crossing his arms above his head...

...when he was suddenly overcame by a terrible pain in his sharingan, making him grab his head in his hands...

...and he was punched right in the face, so hard he was sent flying backwards.

He crashed again on the ground, holding his eye. Around him, the battle sounds were back.

Good...At least he was out of the illusion...but he was almost chakra depleted.

The pain in his eye caught him so hard he yelped.

"Damn it...I should never have used the mangekyou after having already fought so long".

He tried to get up, but he collapsed again on the ground.

Through his good eye, he searched for his enemy, and saw that him too, was trying to get up, grabbing his sword again.

Kakashi tried to get up once more...but he was just pinned to the ground by an invisible force.

He laid on his back, watching the white sky.

His vision was starting to blur, exactly like that moment back in Konoha where he had been half-burried under the village's rubble after Pain's attack. At that precise moment, he had known he was a goner, and he felt the same right now.

"So this is the way it is supposed to end, right, Rin, Obito..., sensei ?"he thought to himself, a trail of blood sliding from his smiling mouth.

Maybe his time had come ?

Maybe these years of loneliness had finally come to an end ?

Maybe it was time for him to join his long lost loved ones.

...

Naruto.

Among his baneful thoughts, a blazing light suddenly appeared. It took the shape of a beautiful man, with golden hair and eyes as blue as the purest sapphire. His heart was suddenly flooded with warmth as that glowing angel threw his head backwards and laughed, with that wonderful laugh which could mend every wound and repel every demon.

Naruto.

He honestly had no idea when he realized that he had fallen in love with his young friend. If he had known, when he had met him...He had watched him grow from a loud, noisy boy to a handsome, brave and deeply human shinobi. Naruto was now a young man, and he already was a hero for the people of Konoha as well as in other countries where his name had traveled along with his reputation. Kakashi had felt, through the years, his simple mind develop itself to turn him into a wiser, more mature man, even though he still was Naruto, forever addicted to ramen, hot tempered and loud. He had saved him many times, and Kakashi marveled everyday at how he had become a talented, responsible shinobi.

And Kakashi had desperately, irrevocably, completely, pathetically fallen in love with him.

Everything about Naruto screamed of fire, of joy, of life. His bravery was unlimited, as well as his unconditional love for his friends. He had brought light to the most baleful minds, he had made friends with those everyone was calling monsters, he had litterally wrested all the people of Konoha from death's claws by simply reaching out to Nagato's heart and talking him into resurrecting them all.

Including Kakashi himself.

Little by little, Kakashi had felt an increasing desire to have Naruto for himself. It started in with simple, daily situations... Musing over the complicity they had while being in each other's company, whether it was for sparring or just laying down in the grass looking at the clouds and talking about silly things, or teasing each other whenever they got the chance. Watching over him in every move he made, cheering him up when the blonde felt lonely... Progressively, he had started to long for the feeling of his warm body cuddled up in his arms. Barely aware of it, he had started to search for every occasion he had to be close to Naruto, to touch him, or to hug him.

Actually he had almost never dared to actually hold him in his arms, except after Jiraya's death. At that time, Naruto had been utterly devastated, and Kakashi hadn't been able to restrain himself. He had spent hours and hours clutching a sobbing, shaking Naruto to his chest, carressing him and shushing him tenderly against him, wanting nothing more than to bury him inside his own body to put an end to the pain. And everyday, Kakashi had fallen deeper, deeper...he had come to dream about Naruto, about his body, his hair, his eyes, about his incredible life and joy, wanting nothing more than to let him completely envelop and warm his wounded heart.

Then came the day when he had to face his feelings for Naruto. That day, he had gone on top of the cliff that overlooked Konoha. He had raised his eyes to his sensei's unshakeable sculpted face, watching over the village under the peaceful stars. There, the full force of his love for Naruto had hit him like a ton of bricks, and he had fallen to his knees, hiding his masked face in his hands, whispering apologetically.

"I'm sorry, Minato-sensei...I'm so sorry...I have fallen in love with your son."

The battle sounds came back to his ears and tore him from his reverie.

No, I can't leave you Naruto, he breathed out.

I want to see you again.

I still have to show you so many things...

I want to guide you, I want to hear you laugh, I want to take care of you when you're sick, I want to hold you tight in my arms for hours when you cry, I want to reassure you when you're scared, to soothe you when you're angry.

Oh yes...I want to hear you yell at me that I'm late, to take you to eat thousands of ramens before trying to make you eat some vegetables, I want to heal your wounds when you stupidly launch yourself before danger to protect us, or when Sakura punches you through the nose, I want to hold you back when Sai calls you « Dickless », I want to lie down in the summer haze and listen to your voice talking again and again and again without ever fading...I want to see you try to see what's under my mask, even though it would mean letting you see how much, how much I love you.

I want to see you achieve your greatest dream, and become the most legendary Kage the world will have ever known.

Naruto...

His name was like an amulet, fighting back the shadows that were slowly overwhelming Kakashi's brain. Naruto was his light, the everlasting glow that pulled him out of his loneliness, the eternal warmth that soothed his heart and taught him how to laugh again.

I was born to protect you, and death cannot tear us apart.

Even death cannot stop me from loving you with all my strength, with all my heart.

I will live for you, Naruto. I will live for you.

I promise you.

Kakashi conjured all the memories of Naruto he could. He filled his mind with the whiskered face he adored, his ears with the so familiar, warm voice. And with a scream of utter rage, of absolute passion for the man he had fallen in love with all his heart, Kakashi stood up again, ignoring the pain slowing his movements, and launched himself into a final attack, as his opponent was doing the same.

They were just a few meters away...

Fewer...

Fewer...

The man lifted his huge sword, Kakashi conjured his last "Raikiri ".

Then there was a flash of dirty hair, a silhouette launching itself between them, wrapping around Kakashi's waist, violently pulling him out of the way.

The silhouette had muddy hair...

...but under the mud, Kakashi saw gold.

His eyes widened and his heart filled with a sickening, inconcievable dread when he realized that only one person could have that beautiful, golden hair.

" **Naruto!** " he cried out, and at the same time, the blonde yelled :

" **Fuuton, Rasenshuriken!"**

" **NOOOO!"** came a desperate scream from Kakashi's throat.

And then in a horrible, sickening sound, the huge sword went right through the blonde's heart, while the enemy was lifted in the air, caught up in Naruto's powerful technique, his body completely torn apart with billions of chakra spears, before being buried in the large hole the whirling orb had created.

And then, horrified, Kakashi watched as the man he loved turned towards him, covered in dirt and blood, panting, the huge sword piercing his heart. The young man smiled softly through a mask of pain.

"I...I'm sorry sensei...I couldn't...lose you... "

He coughed, and a surprising amount of blood came from his mouth as he collapsed on the ground.

" **Naruto!"** Kakashi yelled, lunging forward. He caught Naruto into his arms before the young man hurt the ground, and brought him close to his chest.

" No, no, no, no ! Don't do this to me ! Don't you **fucking** do this to me! Damn it... **Sakura! Sakura where the hell are you?** "

He held Naruto tightly, wiping the dirt and blood from his face which deep tenderness. The blonde had his eyes closed, and he coughed again, blood spilling again all over his mouth. His breath was coming in ragged pants, and Kakashi could tell his lungs were starting bleed internally.

"Shhh...shhhhh, it's gonna be all right, Naruto, I'm here, I've got you in my arms, see? I've got you right here in my arms, don't be afraid", Kakashi said, his voice quivering through his soothing tone, his hand caressing the cherished blonde hair now dulled with sweat and dirt. The jounin looked at Naruto's hands and his heart froze when he saw the state in which the Fuuton rasenshuriken had just put them : they were badly burnt, up to his forearms, and huge, blazing blisters were covering his skin.

No, this was not happening. This was the worst, the absolute worst thing that could have happened.

"Why the hell did you do that, you **fucking** bakayarou ! **Why, Naruto** ?! And I told you not to use that technique anymore, it's way too dangerous for your body ! " Kakashi cried out, his entire being shaking with fury and filling with ice as if all life was living him like the one sipping away in his arms.

Naruto opened his beautiful eyes and smiled through the blood.

"I told you...I...couldn't...lose you...", he whispered.

"That's not an excuse ! How many times did I tell you not to throw your life away for mine !"

"Hey, chill-out sensei, that's just a scratch, Naruto smiled smugly, his teeth red with blood, I'll be up an running in…Argh! "

He coughed again violently and Kakashi held him in such a way he didn't suffocate in the dark-red, thick liquid.

"Son of a …Damn sword…ttebayo….", Naruto said, his voice rasping in his throat.

He clutched Kakashi's vest, all his face contorted in pain, and the silver-haired jounin felt a new wave of immense fear and sorrow crest within his chest.

"Hold on, Naruto, Sakura is coming, we're going to help you. Stay with me okay ? Naruto... **NARUTO**!"

The blonde was losing consciousness, and Kakashi had to slap him gently to keep him awake :

"Don't you die on me! Don't you DARE die on me ! Stay with me Naruto ! **SAKURAA** !" he yelled again, crushing Naruto in his embrace, bringing a hand up into his dirty hair to support his head and maintain his face tucked deep within his chest.

At this precise moment, Sai came rushing to their side :

"Kakashi-san ! Victory is ours ! They're all dea... "

He stopped right on his tracks when he saw the battered, burnt and bloody Naruto in Kakashi's arms, with the huge sword buried in his heart.

" Naruto ! " he cried out, kneeling besides them, his dark eyes filled with terror.

Kakashi cast him a dire look.

"Sai. Is Sakura all right ?"

Sai nodded.

"Good. Get her the hell over here, Kakashi ordered with his captain authority. I can't move Naruto in this state, it would kill him. In addition to the sword in his heart, he's just used the rasenshuriken..."

" Masaka... !" Sai breathed out, horrified.

"Hayaku, Sai !" Kakashi urged, feeling that Naruto was fading away, his body starting to shake in his arms.

\- Wakatta, Kakashi-san, please watch over him. »

And Sai disappeared.

" Sensei...", a feeble voice came to Kakashi's ears.

"Yes, yes Naruto, I'm here. Shhh, don't talk, I'm right here with you... ", Kakashi said, hugging him tight before pulling away slightly to look at his beloved face.

Goddamnit, why wasn't Kyuubi healing him? Why was he slipping so fast towards the unavoidable chasm? **What the fuck was wrong with Kyuubi?!**

Naruto was looking at him with big, innocent eyes, and in his pupils, Kakashi's heart clenched when for the first time in several years, he saw pure fear.

"That's it...I'm going to die, right, sensei ?" Naruto asked, shivering from head to toe as he was slowly losing all his blood. His lips had turned slightly purple, and the wounded fingers that were tightly clutching Kakashi's vest were taking a worrying shade of blue.

Kakashi couldn't bear the sight, and tears started running down his cheeks.

"Shhhh..no one is going to die, my Naruto-chan, I will not let that happen", he whispered.

He couldn't stand the sight of Naruto shaking as the cold hands of death were slowly dragging him into the abyss. He took his cape off, still holding the blonde to him with one arm, and wrapped Naruto's body within the beige, damp cloth. There he wrapped his arms once more around his shaking body and started rocking him, shushing him softly, with devotion, craddling him in his arms like a precious treasure.

"There...Shhh...I'm here, I won't let you go anywhere, you hear me, Naruto? I won't let you go. Don't be afraid..." he whispered.

Don't go Naruto...Please hold on...Don't leave me...

The tears wouldn't stop falling from his helpless eyes, mixing with the blood leaking from the sharingan, that blood he had spilled in an ultimate attempt to get back to the man he loved.

What an irony, he thought as one of his tears fell on Naruto's nose.

The blonde slowly raised his burnt hand to his dear friend's face, his eyes filled with surprise, and he stroke his masked cheek, wiping a tear away.

"I...I've never seen you cry, sensei... "

Kakashi couldn't hold back anymore. He let out a painful sob and hugged him tight, burying the whiskered face into his shoulder, crushing him with all his strength. He clung to him like he had never clung to anyone. He breathed in the smell of his skin, of his hair, giving up to the desperate need to stop him in his fall within darkness, cherishing the feeling of the blonde's heart feebly beating against his own devastated chest.

Don't stop...Please don't let the music of your heart stop...Don't let it stop...

"Stay with me, Naruto, please...I beg you, you've got to hold on. You're so young, you have so many things yet to live. You have to become Konoha's hokage one day !"

Please God...Don't let his heart stop...Don't let his heart stop...

Naruto slightly chuckled into his shoulder, shaking like a leaf.

"How can… I become Hokage… if I can't even protect… the people I love…ttebayo ? "

And he fell unconscious, limp into Kakashi's arms who pulled away and watched him with terrorised eyes.

"Naruto !"

He actively searched for a pulse... but didn't find any.

His heart had stopped.

"Naruto... **NARUTO** ! Oh God no... **God no, anything but this ! PLEASE ! SAKURAA !"**

And for the first time in long years, Kakashi burst into uncontrollable sobs as he crushed the unconscious boy to his chest, burying his face into the dirty hair, sawying back and forth, his heart screaming with the utmost pain he had ever felt. Desperate cries were leaving the great Copy Ninja's throat, the man who never cried. Clinging to Naruto as though to prevent himself from falling into madness, he begged the young man who had become so unusally silent and still.

" Don't leave me... Don't leave me Naruto... I will fight for you...I will protect you, I will be there when you become Hokage, I will guide you when you cast your light upon the world, I will be your confident until the day you die. I will do anything, anything for you... " Kakashi gasped through his sobs.

He kissed his bloody forehead, covering it in tears and blood while he whispered.

"You are my hero… I love you...I love you... God I love you with all my pathetic, my wretched soul, and I was too much of a coward to tell you... "

His voice died in his throat, his heart clenching in his chest, a new wave of sobs overwhelming him. Naruto's face was so calm, all of a sudden. It was so wrong. It was just so in contradiction with everything Naruto was. It was as if the ocean had evaporated in the air, as if the stars had faded out of the unfathomable depths of skies, as if the Earth had came to a halt, frozen in time in a unbelievably tragic silence. It was as if all joy and hope had left the world, leaving it empty and desolate, with the sky weeping and the wind howling in pain.

"But Naruto, if you live, let me promise you one thing ", he kept on, tenderly stroking Naruto's hair while another tear fell on his whiskers marks.

"If you live, I promise you I will tell you how much I love you. And then you can let me know if you want to let me love you or not. "

Kakashi brought Naruto up against his chest again and squeezed him tight, burying his nose in the hollow of his clavicle.

"I promise you... I will tell you that even then if you throw me away, even if you hate me, even if you never want to see me again, I will watch over you, and I will love you Naruto until the day I die, and beyond, when I am nothing but dust and souvenirs. "

New tears spilled from his eyes, as he let out a heart-wrenched sob.

"I promise you...I will tell you that my soul will never rest until it finds your light, I will tell you how I will search all worlds, all universes, until the end of time. I will tell you that I will always love you, until after all light fades out. "

And upon that vow, he pulled down his mask and tenderly kissed Naruto's lifeless, frozen lips.

"I promise you..."


	2. The Journey

**Chapter Two - The Journey**

It's cold.

God, it's so cold-ttebayo.

And it's dark...

Am I dying ?

I'm falling...

Kakashi sensei...

He's crying...I can hear him.

I..I don't understand what he is saying…

It's odd...No one ever cried for me this way, ttebayo.

And Kakashi sensei... I have never heard him like this.

He seems completely...out of himself.

He's holding me, I can feel my face buried in his chest. He smells of sweat, tears and blood.

He smells of life...I want to stay there, in his chest...

He's warm, ttebayo...

So warm…

I can feel his hand in my hair, his arms around me.

I feel...

It's odd, ttebayo. No one has ever held me like this...

Not even Iruka nii-san...

I feel...

I can hear his heart beating. It's like I'm enfolded in a cocoon of warmth and tenderness.

I feel protected...ttebayo...

And…something…soft and warm…on my lips…

I hear a high pitched voice...

Sakura...

Warm hands pulling me away from Kakashi's arms...Kakashi doesn't let go, he holds me so tight...

Where's Sai ?

I...

Please God, let them be all right.

If I have to leave this world now, then so be it, but let them be all right ttebayo.

Or I'll beat your ass up when I get up there, ttebayo.

That's it I'll...

I'll beat your...

I'll beat your .. ass...

Up...

...

Ttebayo.

"Kakashi. "

The Copy Ninja raised his silver-haired head with a start. He was still holding Naruto's bandaged hand.

" Tsunade-sama", he whispered.

"Naruto is going to live, Kakashi, you can go take a nap."

"No, I'm fine, Tsunade-sama. "

The blonde Hokage sighed :

"Even with Kyuubi's and our own healing powers, the combination of the sword's poisoned chakra and the fact he used his Fuuton rasen shuriken... His recovery is going to take time. "

"I can't leave him.", Kakashi snapped.

Tsunade said nothing, which was very unusual for her, especially when she was addressed with that kind of tone. But Kakashi was also her friend, and she knew that look in his eyes.

She sighed, and then grabbed a chair to sit besides the exhausted copy-nin.

"Kakashi. None of this is your fault."

"I led them all into a trap. Of course it is."

"You couldn't have known."

"I'm Hatake Kakashi. Of course I should have known".

Tsunade sighed again. There was nothing she could tell him when he was in that state.

"You're not objective because Naruto was hurt in the process. But you know Naruto...He is so unpredictable. He was bound to pull another stunt like that."

She kept silent for a time.

"Even though I truly feared for him this time. If Sakura hadn't rendered him first aid and reanimated him at once, he ... "

She stopped, seeing the tortured look in Kakashi's eyes.

"You sure you don't want to take some rest for a few hours ? I will watch over him."

"No, thank you Tsunade sama, I truly want to stay with Naruto."

"Wakatta. Then let me at least settle a spare bed for you in here. "

Kakashi nodded and thanked her absent-mindedly. Before she left, however, he caught her hand and looked straight into her eyes :

"I don't know how I will ever be able to thank you for saving Naruto, Tsunade-hime." he whispered.

Touched by the very intense emotion she could see into Kakashi's eyes, Tsunade smiled.

"You are very welcome, Kaksahi ".

The night had come, and Kakashi had put the spare bed as close he could to Naruto's bed, so he could hold his hand. After taking off his shirt for the night, he laid down on his side, watching the blonde sleep, and monitoring the rise and down of his chest, thanking every god he could name for that movement that didn't stop.

He had just spent the three worst days of his life.

On the battlefield, Sakura had come running to them, shrieking Naruto's name when she saw the state in which he was. But when she saw how devastated Kakashi was, Sakura had automatically turned into medic mode and snatched Naruto from the jounin's arms.

"Let me see him, Kakashi, she had said, I have to reanimate him at once."

Kakashi had watched her work on his battered body, while Sai had put a comforting hand on his shoulder, deep sorrow in his eyes.

"Please, please help him , Sakura san", he had whispered, while Kakashi had said nothing, silent tears running on his cheeks.

" Okay...I have to get that sword out first, I need your help" , Sakura had said, her lips pinched in a very serious expression.

"Tell us what you need". Kakashi had said.

"The sword is buried in his bones, but its preventing him from losing all his blood. We have to take it out very swiftly, in one sharp pull, in order for me to heal the wound as fast as I can."

"Wakatta.", Kakashi said, wiping his eyes.

Sakura had asked Kakashi to pin Naruto to the ground while Sai pulled the sword out.

"Okay on three...One...two...THREE !"

Sai pulled the sword as hard as he could, and as Kakashi held Naruto to the ground, the weapon jerked out of his chest with surprising strength, spilling blood everywhere.

"Okay get out of my way ! NOW !" Sakura yelled, launching herself on Naruto's chest to cover the bleeding hole.

"Come on... Come on Naruto-kun...Don't do this..."Sakura chanted while working on his body, her hands flying up and down.

"Come back, Naruto-kun...Fight, for Heaven's sake ! You've got to fight or I swear to God your ass is going to be fucking sorry for the rest of eternity when I come to fetch you up there. " The pink-haired kunoichi growled.

She kept working on Naruto's body until she depleted nearly all her chakra. Around them, their friends had gathered, in a horrified, dismayed silence. Even the forever enthusiastic Lee was completely quiet, his eyes filled with tears. All they could hear were Hinata's tiny sobs, muffled in Kiba's chest while the latter was stroking her hair and holding her tight.

Then finally...

Naruto coughed.

All their friends' head stood up, their faces lighting with incredible hope.

But their relief was nothing compared to what Kakashi had felt.

"Hey, hey, hey ! That's it ! You're back, Naruto-kun, easy, easy... " Sakura had said, tears of relief coming to her eyes.

Kakashi had felt Sai's hand clench his shoulder, and he turned his head upwards to look at the sky.

"Thank you", he had said, his throat dry.

"Come on, he is not out of the woods yet. We have to take him to Konoha right now. Sai, conjure up as many birds as you can. He won't make it unless we fly as fast as we can. You will take Naruto. Kakashi, you ride with me. I have to take a look at you too. It seems that you have used your Mangekyou, right? That's what I thought.", she ordered with authority.

Kakashi didn't have the strentgh to argue.

"You heard Sakura, minna ! Come on, let's go home", he said.

They had rushed back to Konoha, where Naruto was immediately taken to Tsunade. When the Hokage had seen the state of Naruto's body in Kakashi's arms, the entire village had shook under her roared orders for the best village medics to come operate him with her right now.

They had worked on him for two entire days. It took them two entire days to tear him out of Death's grasp.

Kakashi had not slept at all during all that time. He remained sitting in the hall, his head between his hands, praying to whatever god was up there. Sai stayed with him the whole time, his face paler than ever.

And when finally, Sakura had come out of the surgery room, her eyes brimming with tears of joy, Kakashi couldn't stop himself.

He had ran to her and embraced her in his arms, lifting her in the air and making her turn, before bringing her down against his chest, where he had hugged her so tight he had almost been able to hear her bones break.

"Thank you, Sakura-chan...Thank you...thank you...thank you..." he had chanted in her hair.

When at last he had let go of her, Sakura had turned to Sai and launched herself to his neck, taking him by surprise. But Sai had never felt so happy in all his life, and he had let his emotions speak. He had wrapped his arms around Sakura and held her tight while the pink-haired kunoichi had muffled sobs of joy into his shoulder.

It happened this morning.

Kakashi was relieved, that was a fact, actually he was so relieved that he couldn't believe Naruto's luck. But he couldn't bring himself to sleep, if it meant not watching over Naruto for even just a few hours.

He couldn't believe Naruto was alive.

He had been convinced that he was a goner. And to think about what he had felt...It was like Naruto's rasen shuriken had enveloped his own heart, making the pain thousands times worse, almost driving him mad with horror.

Someone had heard his prayer.

...A prayer in which he had made a promise...

Stroking Naruto's hand, Kakashi slowly, very slowly, couldn't fight against the immense fatigue that overwhelmed him. Slowly, he slid into sleep, holding his beloved's hand.

A few hours later, whimpers resounded feebly in Kakashi's dreamless sleep.

Another one...

Kakashi lifted his head, and strained his ears.

Silence.

He was going to doze off again when Naruto let out another hiccup.

Kakashi stood up and came near the bed.

Naruto's face was contorted in fear.

"No..No !" he chanted.

Kakashi didn't need to think twice.

"Shhh, he said, stroking his hair, I'm here...Shhh... "

Naruto seemed to calm down a little at the contact of Kakashi's hand in his hair and caressing his forehead, but soon he became agitated again.

"No...I have to protect them...Please, don't touch them..."

The silver-haired jounin sighed. Even unconscious, Naruto was worried about his loved ones.

"Maaa, maaa...it's okay, Naruto, it's okay, shhh ", Kakashi cooed in his ear.

He hesitated.

All his body urged to climb next to Naruto and hold and shush him tenderly against his chest. But he knew Sakura and the nurses would certainly kill him in the morning for getting in bed with a patient.

Naruto whimpered again, and a tear fell on his cheek, breaking Kakashi's heart.

Finally deciding he couldn't care less about the medics' opinion, and that he would eventually find a way to sooth Sakura's anger, Kakashi climbed in the bed next to Naruto.

There, he turned the boy towards him and tucked his face against his bare chest before wrapping his strong arms around his shoulders.

"No..don't touch them...Leave them alone ttebayo..." , Naruto said.

"Shhh, come here, Sweetheart ", Kakashi said, not even realizing how he had called him.

"I have to protect them...Let me go ttebayo !... ", Naruto growled, struggling with Kakashi to get free of his arms.

"Naruto, it's all right, everyone is safe...Shh, Naruto !"

He turned Naruto's face towards his chest and smothered it between his muscled bare pectorals, where the boy wouldn't be able to free himself, and where Kakashi's smell was strongest, before encircling his head with his strong arms, trapping him into a tender embrace, hoping his smell would calm Naruto down.

"Mmf !" Naruto struggled, silenced by Kakashi's pectorals around his face.

"Maaa, maaa...Ochitsuke...Shhhh, it's me, Naruto, see ? It's me. I'm right here, I've got you. Come on, breathe...It's okay...Shhh..."

Naruto breathed deeply into his chest, and little by little, he stopped struggling. Kakashi caressed his blonde head while keeping him in his arms.

After a long time, Naruto emitted a little sound deep into his pectorals, and Kakashi loosened his embrace a little, afraid of suffocating him. But Naruto just wanted to speak.

"Watch over them, ttebayo...I'm on my way... " he whispered.

Kakashi couldn't help but smile. God he adored that man.

"Of course, my love, he said, knowing Naruto wouldn't remember how he had called him, I'm watching over you all. I will always protect our friends, and I will always protect you too. I won't let you put your life in danger for me again, ever. "

And hugging Naruto tight to him, Kakashi slowly fell back asleep, but not without a nagging voice in his head reminding him that he had made a promise.

The promise to confess his love to Naruto if he survived.


	3. The Guardian

**Chapter Three : The Guardian**

Where am I ttebayo?

I can't see anything... I think I'm walking, but the world is dark and cold. So cold. I dont know where I am going.

The silence...

The silence is thick, deafening, it drives me mad ttebayo.

Am I dead?

I remain still...

Waiting...

And suddenly, I can hear a desperate scream behind me.

I make a complete U turn.

And my heart freezes.

Over there, I can see something...

Pink...

Hands tied behind her back...

Blood running on her forehead...

"Sakura-chan...No!"

"Naruto!" I hear her screaming.

I launch myself forward, all my being dedicated to the purpose of saving her from her invisible tormenter.

"SAKURA CHAN!" I scream.

I'm almost there, I can see her green eyes filling with tears...

I'm almost there and...

She disappears.

"Sakura chan!"

I don't understand. She was there! Right a minute ago ttebayo! What the hell is happening in here?

My heart rate starts fastening.

Around me, the dark is back, but I can hear another scream.

This time...it's a man.

"Naruto!"

"God...Sai! Sai where are you!?"

"Naruto, please, help me!"

"Tell me where you are ttebayo!"

And then he appears. His body is awfully twisted to the ground, and he raises a hand towards me.

"Please, stop them...Please..."

"Sai!"

I run towards him, but then Sai looks terrified and screams...

...looking at a shape right behind me.

"No...No...Nooo!"

And he disappears.

"Saii!"

I flip flop, ready to face the culprit...

But my eyes meet only darkness.

My heart is slowly overwhelmed by fear.

A fear so deep it makes me drenched in cold sweat.

No. This is not happening. My worst nightmare. My absolute worst nightmare. They are screaming for me and I can't do any freaking thing. There's something attacking them and I can't do any freaking thing ttebayo.

I feel something wet on my cheeks.

I'm crying.

"LEAVE THEM ALONE!" I scream, "YOU PROMISED, YOU PROMISED THAT YOU WOULD LEAVE THEM ALONE IF I LEFT THIS WORLD!"

And then another voice...

"Naruto-kun..."

I slowly turn around, and the vision I see make me fall to my knees, horrified.

Kakashi.

He is crucified.

He has lost his forehead protector, and his silver hair is falling in front of his eyes. He is bare chested, and I can see horrible gashes on his skin, pratically redrawing his well defined muscles.

"Sensei...!" Tears spill from my eyes as I try to move.

But I can't. I'm just rooted to the damn spot ttebayo.

I can only watch.

I can only watch as that man I adore so much, who has always been there for me, raises his mismatched eyes to me, and even through his pain, he smiles a painful, sad smile.

"Go..." he rasps, his voice unrecognizable.

"No...No, I'm not leaving you here Kakashi..." I cry, shaking from head to toe.

I can't stand this. I can't stand this ttebayo. I just want to go to him and reduce that freaking cross to pieces, and then take him into my arms and protect him from the darkness.

"Go..Naruto..." Kakashi says again, wincing in pain.

And as he slowly starts fading away in the dark, his beautiful hair hiding his masked face, I desperately try to move.

"No...Sensei...SENSEI DON'T GO! DON'T GO TTEBAYO! I AM GOING TO SAVE YOU! I promise..."

I fight desperately against my legs that refuse to move.

"Listen here you bastard who is playing with me ttebayo, I said to the darkness, I swear on my soul that even dead, I will hunt you down! I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GO GET MY FRIENDS EVEN IF I HAVE TO GO GET THEM IN HELL! "

My words are met by an orchestra of screams. Everywhere, a tortured friend appears.

Kiba...

Hinata!

Shikamaru...

God...Oh my god, Ino...

I can't stand this anymore. My heart is going to burst as I reject my head backwards and scream at the top of my lungs:

"LEAVE THEM ALOOOONE!"

And then suddenly I can feel something in my hair.

Like...

Yes it feels like a hand. A hand tangling in my hair, stroking my skull.

"Shhh..." I hear a voice say.

I know that voice...

"I'm here..."

The images disappear.

I am in the dark again, but the hand in my hair is soothing. Its warm. It strokes and combs my hair gently, with tenderness. The voice keeps shushing me.

But I can still hear screams in the dark, and I whimper.

I try to run to the sound, but I can't determine where it is.

"Don't hurt them...Oh God please don't hurt them ttebayo", I implore, shaking with sobs.

Suddenly I feel something wrapping around me. I think its a pair of arms, of very strong arms. They try to immobilise me.

I panic.

"No! Let me go! I have to save them!"

"Shhh, Naruto, its okay, everyone is fine...", the voice whispers.

I struggle again but then my face gets smothered between two warm, strong muscles.

God, I'm bring eaten.

No. I have to save them. I HAVE TO SAVE THEM TTEBAYO.

But then I feel arms encircling my head, trapping my face in that warm place, where my lips get squashed, muffling my screams of rage. I hear the voice again:

"Maaa, maaa...otchisuke...shhh...I've got you in my arms..."

And I suddenly understand where my face is buried.

These strong walls of muscles tightening around my cheeks are pectorals.

I'm buried into a man's chest.

Yeah... I can feel the arms tightening around me and keeping my face buried deep between two pectorals, so that I can't move anymore.

My heart rate calms down. I suddenly feel completely protected. Like nothing can get me in there. I can hear his heart beat. His pectorals prevent me from seeing and hearing anything except the calm voice. I'm just hidden from that horrible place.

I've never been held like this...

I've never felt so loved, so protected.

It's so powerful...

I'm safe.

And that voice, that soothing voice...

"Shhh..., it's me Naruto see?"

Why can't I recongnize it?! Something is preventing me...The more I think, the more it slips away from my tortured brain.

I don't need to cling to him. The strength of his arms around my head never falters for a second. He engulfes me completely.

He is so tender...

"Come on, breathe...it's okay...shhhhh..."

His smell is powerful between his pectorals. He smells so nice...

I...

I feel something...ttebayo...

What is that feeling?

I have never felt that before.

I want to stay in there. I want him to keep me prisoner in here.

But what am I thinking ttebayo...?

And suddenly...I'm not conscious anymore...I feel I'm saying something...I don't remember...

I don't remember...

It's dark again...and I forget everything.

And it goes on endlessly...

I wake up in a dark, silent place...

I can see the people I love being tortured again and again.

I can feel an evil presence in there...but I can't see it ttebayo. I can't fight it! How am I supposed to fight something I cannot see ttebayo?!

And each time...

Everytime I scream...

Everytime I'm afraid...

Every single time...

I can feel the hand in my hair, the voice soothing me, then the arms holding my face between those strong, calm, nice-smelling pectorals.

And little by little, I can see a light appearing in the distance.

Each time I wake up within that dark world, it becomes stronger, over there.

I follow it.

I'm almost there.

I'm almost there ttebayo...

"I'm here with you." The voice always says, guiding me towards it.

I'm afraid to wake up.

I fear the voice will be gone.

"Will you stay with me?" I ask him.

"Always, Naruto kun."

But I know deep inside...

"I will forget. I won't remember when I wake up. I want to stay with you" I cried " I want to remember..."

The voice shushed me again, and he held me once again to his chest.

"In time, you will remember."

And while I reach the light, I suddenly know who this man is.

I know whose is that voice.

I know whose are those arms and chest.

"Kakashi-sensei..." I whisper, before I fall into the light, and into oblivion.


	4. The Return from the Dark

**Chapter Fourth: The Return from the Dark**

Kakashi was reading besides Naruto's bed when he heard the boy cough.

Jumping as if his ass had been burnt with a flamethrower, he rushed over Naruto, whose face was crunched in pain.

"Naruto?!"

"Sen...*cough!cough!*sensei?" Naruto had asked, his eyes opening to look at his friend's face.

Kakashi had felt his heart burst with unconditional love. God he was awake. Finally... The nightmare was definitely over.

"Yes, Naruto-kun, I'm here."

"Are you...are you okay? S..Sai...Sakura..." He tried to get up but coughed again violently and Kakashi had to push him back into bed.

"Maaaa, maaa, call down! Everyone is fine. And you are fine too, thank God, you scared the hell out of me you know!" Kakashi said, his throat tightening.

Naruto smiled a little.

"I'm sorry..."

Kakashi sighed and ruffled the blonde's hair, drinking his smile. He had to fight the tears that were coming up to his eyes at the thought of the dreadful weeks he had just spent. After Sakura and Tsunade had stabilized Naruto, they all had thought that he was out of danger.

How wrong they had been...

Naruto had fallen into a deep coma, and started suffering from violent panic attacks. After Kakashi had calmed the first ones, which occured mostly at night, Sakura had noticed some very worrying patterns in Naruto's chakra.

"When did you say he had these panic attacks?" she had asked Kakashi.

"Sometime around midnight I think."

"Jesus..." she had whispered.

Kakashi had watched her, nervous, waiting for her diagnostic.

"His chakra is an absolute mess during these moments. And then... wait a minute," she said while watching at the history of Naruto's chakra patterns on her scroll.

She pointed at specific points in the patterns which drastically stabilized the chakra and slowed the heart rate.

"I supposed you tried to calm him during these attacks?"

"Err well yes of course..."

"What did you do?"

"I hem...I held him in my arms." Kakashi whispered, blushing a little behind his mask.

He had told her exactly how he had held him, and that he had noticed how the smell of his bare skin seemed to soothe him immediately. Sakura had taken notes on her scroll.

"Er...Do you really have to note that?"

"Yes Kakashi I have to. I hereby assign you as his human medication."

"Ehhhh?"

"You may not have realized it but you have saved Naruto's life. If you hadn't been there, the instability of his chakra would have completely messed up with his heart...and he would have made a seizure. If that happens, I won't be able to reanimate him again."

Kakashi had stood completely silent, frozen with horror.

"So don't you leave his side, Kakashi, you have to keep doing that when he has an attack, or we will lose him."

Of course Kakashi didn't need to be asked twice. And for two entire weeks, Kakashi looked after Naruto with devotion, and he calmed every single one of the panic attacks, which finally, little by little, ended up fading away.

And now Naruto was looking up at him, his hand scratching his head, his trademark grin stretching his whiskered face.

"Gomen, Kakashi, I didn't really think hahahaha ttebayo..."

Kakashi sighed and almost laughed. It was all he had to say. He had driven Kakashi almost mad with worry, he had him use a special justu to keep awake for days, he had him pray to Gods he didn't believe in.

And he "just didn't really think".

No doubt, his Naruto was back.

Kakashi sat on the bed and put his forehead on Naruto's.

"Just don't you ever, EVER do that again, Uzumaki Naruto", he whispered slowly.

"But..."

"No buts, Naruto-kun. Never again. Wakatta ?" Kakashi said firmly, tilting Naruto's chin to force him to look at him.

Naruto winced pain and Kakashi let go of his chin and held his shoulders gently.

"Im sorry, did I hurt you?"

"Nah...It's my chest... Goddammit it hurts ttebayo. That guy really beat the crap out of me!"

"You should have seen the state of his body once you were done with him. I almost had to put him in a bottle to get Tsunade something to analyse."

Naruto chuckled:

"Haha, serves him right ttebayo, no one touches my sen...*cough!*"

He doubled over again with cough, and Kakashi felt worried.

"Okay don't you move a toe, I'll get Sakura."

"Arrrrfffffff God let me die..." Naruto rasped, clenching his chest.

"No way" Kakashi said stroking his hair, before he went to the door. He was going to open it to move out when he changed his mind. He hated the idea of leaving Naruto alone. So he bit his thumb and pressed it to the ground.

"Kuchiyose no jutsu!"

Pakkun appeared in a puff of smoke.

"Yo boss."

And when he saw Naruto awake, he barked joyfully and jumped on the bed.

"Heyyy kid! You're finally awake!"

He licked his face and Naruto laughed.

"Ahaha hey Pakkun ttebayo! Yeah mate I'm thrilled to see you too but my chest is really painful right now ttebayo!"

He coughed again and Pakkun looked at Kakashi.

"You want me to get Sakura right?"

" You're always so discerning, Pakkun."

"Okay I'm on it".

Pakkun left and Kakashi went back to Naruto. He sat on the bed and stroked his hair. Naruto was holding his hand to his mouth, closing his eyes.

"Hey, you okay?"Kakashi asked.

"Man I think I'm going to throw up..."

Oh boy.

Kakashi frantically looked around and spotted a basin in the corner. In a blink of an eye, he had put it under Naruto's head and was holding his hair back while the young man was emptying his stomach in the basin.

"Oh...*retch* god this Is so...burp...embarrassing...*BEUARFF*" he vomitted again, and Kakashi rubbed his back comfortingly.

"Shhhh...it's okay I'm here...shhh...let it out." He whispered, as he had done so many times during the last weeks, stroking his hair tenderly, wiping the tears of pain that leaked from Naruto's eyes. He didn't even think about what he was saying, it had just become so natural.

Something in Naruto's mind stirred when he heard Kakashi's gentle soothing, but he was so much in pain that he didn't pay attention.

"Okay I guess I'm done ttebayo..." Naruto said shakily, falling back in the bed.

"Wakatta", Kakashi said softly.

Kakashi went to wash the basin in the little bathroom.

At this moment, Sakura came rushing in the room.

"YOU FREAKING BAKAYAROU!"

"S...Sakura chan..."

WHAM!

"OWWW TEBAYOU!"

Kakashi rushed out of the bathroom and couldn't help but chuckle at the scene. Sakura was towering over a trembling Naruto who was holding his head in protection.

"Sakura-chan, you know it's illegal to hit your patients don't you?", the blonde said pitifully.

"URUSAI YO. YOU. SCARED. THE. HELL. OUT OF ME! DONT YOU DARE DOING THAT TO ME AGAIN."

And suddenly she had her arms wrapped around his neck, sobbing with relief. Naruto smiled as he wrapped his arms around her and held her softly.

"Aaaw come on Sakura chan...you know me I..."

But suddenly Naruto went green and Kakashi, seing the disaster coming, jumped forward.

"Sakura! Move over!"

"What?!"

Naruto pushed her aside as Kakashi was smashing the basin under him again, where the blonde buried his head, throwing up again.

"Yare yare...! It's going to take a while..." Kakashi sighed, holding the blonde hair back again, stroking his back.

Sakura stood up and scratched her pink haired head.

"Ah...yes...that indeed is going to be kind of unpleasant for a moment... It's the drugs I gave you to maintain you alive and fed that are now being rejected by your system."

"Well thank you about that..." Naruto sneered.

And he retched again.

Several hours later, Naruto had fallen back asleep, completely exhausted. Sakura examined him and then motioned Kakashi to follow her outside.

"Okay the good news is, I think this time, he is really mostly out of danger."

"Yokatta..." Kakashi said, hugging her to him.

"I said mostly!" Sakura's muffled voice said in his shoulder.

Ah.

Kakashi pulled away.

"What do you mean?"

"Well...his body has been really traumatized, as well as his mind, with all these panic attacks he had. The sword has done a lot of internal damage, which fortunately Kyuubi helped heal, but it was also poisoned, so the healing will take longer. But the fuuton rasenshuriken really nearly killed him : all his chakra cells are disturbed and a lot of them are downright burnt. Compared to them, the burns on his arms are just scratches and they alone are going to take much time to heal as Kyuubi is busy with healing the organ damages. "

Kakashi hid his face in his hands.

"All right. Your point?" he asked.

"My point is: he can't leave the hospital for at least two months."

WHAT?"

"Yeah...I know...But these are doctor's orders. Two months and a lot of rest, or he will fall back into coma and this time I'm not sure he will wake up." Sakura said firmly.

Kakashi scratched his head.

"Yare yare...he is not going to take this well."

...

"No way ttebayo."

"Naruto."

"I said no way."

"Na..."

"Okay you'd better open up your cute little ears Kakashi because I'm only saying this once. There's absolutely no way I'm gonna spend two freaking months sitting on my freaking ass in this freaking bed, whereas I should be freaking training everyday. You freaking hear me ttebayo?!"

"Stop freaking swearing." Kakashi sighed.

"I'm not swearing, I'm just stating a fact."

Kakashi sat on the bed and gently took one of Naruto's bandaged hands.

"Naruto, have you seen in which state you are?"

"So what?"

"So until you are properly healed, you must not use your chakra, haven't you listened to anything I've just told you?!" Kakashi said firmly.

"Look mate, I know you're all fretting your asses over my health, but you underestimate Kyuubi's powers. I trust in him and in my body..."

Kakashi pinched his nose in his hands. Naruto kept talking about how he would be up and running by the end of the week, but the copy ninja wasn't listening anymore. Inside him, anger started boiling. Sakura had implored him.

"Kakashi, you have to prevent him from acting like a baka. I'm very serious, Kakashi sensei, I'm worried for him. He might be out of danger for now, but if ever he doesn't respect his body rythm, we will lose him. And I'm scared we won't succeed in making him listen. I'm scarmmf!"

The rest of her sentence had been muffled in Kakashi's hard chest as the jounin had pulled her back into his arms. He hugged her tight, and whispered in her ear:

"Shhh, I know...Don't worry, Sakura. I will find a way. Trust me."

Actually, He had done just the same thing as that day he had stopped Naruto and Sasuke from killing each other on the hospital roof. On that day too, he had promised Sakura that everything would be okay, but deep down he was worried sick.

And now, the fear of losing Naruto again was eating his heart and mental health away.

"ENOUGH!" Kakashi suddenly yelled standing up.

Naruto stopped dead and looked at his former sensei, surprised. Irritating Kakashi to the point of making him loose his endless patience was really rare. But the silver haired man was now towering over Naruto, his nose crinkled in a growl, both of his tired, mismatching eyes glaring daggers at the young man who could not help but feeling shivers all along his spine. God, that look was terrible. He wondered if it was the look the legendary copy ninja's ennemies were seeing before he sent them to the other world. Only that precise look was a one way ticket to Hell.

"Why, why do you have to be so FREAKING stubborn?!

\- I...

\- URUSAI! Kakashi roared, I'm the one talking right now, so you will listen,Naruto, even I have to raikiri my words into your freaking kuso bakayarou head!"

Naruto shut his mouth and gulped. He had rarely seen Kakashi so furious, let alone against him.

Kakashi took a breath, his muscular chest swelling under his uniform. He was almost shaking with anger, but that anger was hiding the deep fear of being powerless again before Naruto's incredible strength of will.

"What do you expect, huh?! Look at yourself! You can barely walk, Naruto, your body is a mess! How do you expect to be of any use in that state? You have just got out of a COMA for heaven's sake! Your arms are burnt, your chest has been ripped open by a poisonous sword, your chakra has been almost entirely depleted and messed up by your Fuuton Rasenshuriken! "

"I..."

"I'm not done yet! Let's talk about the Fuuton Rasenshuriken, by the way! I told you many times how much that technique was dangerous for you, but you don't care! You're haven't changed during all these years! You're an adult now but you just keep throwing your life away at any occasion you have!", Kakashi shouted with his deep voice shaking with anger under his mask.

"I didn't have time to think! And I haven't thrown my life away! I did it to protect you!" Naruto tried to defend himself.

"And that's precisely my point, Kakashi countered, Naruto, I'm absolutely out of my mind with rage when I think about the THOUSANDS TIMES I have absolutely forbidden you to sacrifice your life for mine because YES, this would be throwing your life away. And there you are just litterally jumping in bed with death! So now you have disobeyed me again, you will face the consequences and you will fucking listen to the people who are in the dreadful position of CARING about your stubborn, reckless freaking ass!"

As Kakashi was yelling at him, Naruto's temper slowly came back. Kakashi was asking him to deny the very purpose of his life: to protect the ones he loved. It was the whole point of being Hokage. How could Kakashi ask him such a thing? How could he have abandonned that man he loved deeply? If this was what being a shinobi meant, then he didn't want of that life.

His emotion overwhelmed him, and he straightened in his bed, holding his head high, looking at Kakashi straight in the eye.

"Now look here, Kakashi, first of all, I would save your ass over and over again even if it meant dying from horrible pain, and secondly, with all due respect, you're not in the position of giving me orders anymore: you haven't been my sensei for years", Naruto growled.

"BUT I'M STILL YOUR CAPTAIN!" Kakashi screamed.

"NO, YOU'RE MY FRIEND TTEBAYO!" Naruto yelled back.

They both stood frozen for a moment.

Then Naruto went on.

"Yes, of course you are my captain, Kakashi, and I'm under your command while we're on missions and all, but you are my friend BEFORE being my captain. You are one of my closest friends, hell, you are the only family I have left. And how am I supposed to be Hokage if I let my family die? Huh? How am I supposed to become Hokage if I can't even protect the people I love?! What would be my life without you all who have accepted me? What would be the point of being Hokage if I have to watch you all die just because this is the way the Shinobi world works?! That's all rubbish, Kakashi ttebayo! For me, your lives are much more precious than my own, and I will always do whatever is in my power to protect you all! Sore wa ore no nindo da yo ttebayo!"

"Naruto..."

"I thought it was yours too, wasn't it Kakashi?! Remember when you told us that in the Shinobi world, the ones who didn't respect the rules were considered as rubbish, but that those who abandoned their comrades were way worse than that?"

"Naruto, listen to me..."

"NO! THIS TIME, YOU WILL LISTEN TTEBAYO, Naruto roared, taking Kakashi aback. I have already lost Sasuke and Ero sennin, and I already lost you when you were killed by Pain. And I can't stand, hear me well, Hatake Kakashi, I can't stand the idea of losing you again. Can you understand that?! So yes, Kakashi TAICHOU, with all due respect, I'll disobey you over and over again if it means keeping your sorry ass alive because I am too, I quote, in the dreadful position of caring about your stubborn ass!" Naruto yelled.

A tear escaped his fiery eye, and he wiped it away quickly.

"Because I told you. I can't lose you." he whispered, his throat tight.

He glared at Kakashi, shaking, his eyes full of tears.

God, he is beautiful, in every aspect.

Kakashi's heart melt. He couldn't stop himself. He went back to sit on the bed.

"In my arms. Now." He ordered, opening his arms, reaching out for Naruto.

Before Naruto had time to say or do anything, Kakashi had pulled him into a big hug, crushing his face in his shoulder, holding him tight against him. The way Kakashi held him made Naruto's heart clench, and he felt his eyes fill up with tears. He tried to stop them because he felt like a little child, but he just couldn't.

Kakashi had brought back all his demons.

The fact that he couldn't save Ero sennin, that he hadn't been able to get Sasuke out of Orochimaru's hands... And that he hadn't been there when Kakashi had been killed.

He choked on a sob and buried his face deeper in Kakashi's shoulder, wrapping his arms around him and holding him with all the strength he had left, even though his body screamed in pain.

"Hey, hey, calm down...it's over...shhh..."Kakashi said, rocking him, putting one hand in his hair to maintain him trapped into his embrace.

"You have no idea..." Naruto hiccuped.

"Maa...of what, Naruto?" Kakashi whispered gently, closing his eyes as he held Naruto tight, breathing in his blonde hair, conjuring all his will to prevent himself from laying a tender kiss on Naruto's bare neck.

"Of what I felt when..."

When he had understood, that day, that Kakashi was going to die again.

And for the first time since the battle, as he was clinging to his dear friend, Naruto recalled the events that had pushed him to give his life.

He was fighting in the fog, multiplying his bunshins, falling in the mud, whirling on himself as he repelled kunais and jutsus, trying to keep an eye on his friends. Kakashi was out of sight, until he heard him yell to close their eyes and feel the enemy. Naruto was particularly good at feeling chakras, so he didn't have much trouble locating them through the fog.

God, these men were barely human. They were tall and thin, but extremely strong, and their faces were difform, their eyes blank of any emotion.

"SHAAAANNAROOOOO!" he had heard Sakura yell.

He had turned his head towards her voice when a huge ink tiger had jumped over his head and dived towards something that was right behind him, pinning down one of his adversaries which had taken advantage of his distraction to sneak up on him.

"Thank you Sai!" Naruto had yelled.

"Watch out, Naruto, these things might seem stupid, but they are in fact extremely organised."

"Wakatteru Sai!"

Fighting with his clones, Naruto was sweating like hell. God, Sai was right, these things were really organised and they had an unique talent to foresee their attacks.

One of them had come directly at him. He had dodged and seized him from behind, using him as a shield against the other ones who had waited for him to be cornered.

"Kisama...", Naruto had said through gritted teeth.

As he was distracting them, his clones came from behind and immobilized them, which enabled Naruto to conjure up his erupting propulsion fist.

"Funsuiken!" he had yelled.

His body had started delivering boiling steam, and he had crushed his opponents with a burning fist that buried them both in the ground.

He had just finished them off when his heart had frozen.

Kakashi.

His chakra.

Whirling on the spot, Naruto's blue eyes had suddenly filled with dread as he had distinctly felt Kakashi's chakra awfully battered.

It was rapidly depleting.

"No...Not again!"

Covered in mud, tripping on his cape, Naruto had not thought twice. He had to find his silver haired friend. He had to find him or he would never, never forgive himself.

Don't you freaking die on me ttebayo, Kakashi sensei! Hold on I'm coming!

Suddenly coming at his right, a mercenary had sprung out from the fog and charged him with a sword. Naruto had ducked and spun on himself, hitting the man's leg with his foot to make him fall on the mud.

"Rasengan!" He had yelled, tearing the man's face apart.

Covered in blood, Naruto had started panicking. He could feel Kakashi's chakra falling at full speed.

And he was nowhere to be found.

"KAKASHI!" He had screamed, but his voice had got lost in the fog.

He had kept on going, following his instinct, practically flying over the dead bodies, his feet sinking deep in the damp mud. Several mercenaries had kept coming at him, but he had repelled them all fiercely, growling like a wild animal.

And suddenly he had seen him.

Kakashi was standing, immobile, face to face with a man who was holding a gigantic sword, and who was immobile too.

"Genjutsu ka?" Naruto had whispered.

But then he had noticed something that had made his heart stop when he had understood why Kakashi's chakra was decreasing.

His sharingan eye was bleeding.

"No...Not the mangekyou! NO!"

He knew Kakashi well, and he knew the mangekyou sharingan could kill him if he used it too long.

"KAKASHI SENSEI!" He had yelled.

He had lunged forward but was pinned down by five men who had jumped on him. They had prevented him from reaching Kakashi, like in a dream when you want to run but your legs just won't answer.

"KONOYAROUUU!" Naruto had roared.

His vision was blurred with rage, he had felt an immense power flood his body, even though Kyuubi's coat was nowhere to be seen.

" KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU"! He had bellowed.

Five Narutos had appeared and fought like lions against the men who were pummeling them in the ground.

Naruto had heard a scream, and from the corner of his eye, he had seen Kakashi and his opponent both flying backwards, heavily landing in the damp ground.

"KAKASHI!" Naruto had screamed still trying to reach him.

One of the creatures caught him by his long cape and dragged him backwards, but Naruto struggled so hard the cape was ripped appart.

Kakashi's chakra was critically low now. One more attack and he would most certainely not make it.

He could only watch as Kakashi had tried to rise from the ground, but failed. His opponent was already getting up, searching for his sword.

"Get up...Kakashi...get the hell up ttebayo" Naruto had prayed through gritted teeth, as he was blocking a heavy sword with a kunai.

But the worst was yet to come.

Naruto had seen Kakashi stand up with a groan of rage.

The other one was also getting up and preparing to charge.

Naruto knew Kakashi wouldn't make it. He just knew it. His chakra was too low and his eye was abundantly bleeding.

When he had seen them throw themselves into the last assault, both with a thunderous war cry. At that precise moment, Naruto wasn't sure what exactly had happened. He had used everything in his power, from his kunais to his clones, from his teeth to his nails, every part of his body had exploded with formidable strength, crushing them under his fists, ripping them apart with another powerful rasengan, not caring if he was himself getting low in chakra too.

He would have done anything to save Kakashi.

Finally released from the five mercenaries who know lied in their blood, he and his clones had thrown themselves forward, running as fast as they could.

Kakashi was only a few meters from his certain death.

"Kakashi!"

Closer again...

I'm not fast enough...

"KAKASHI!"

God, I'm not gonna make it.

A true desperate cry had ripped out Naruto's terrified throat.

"KAKASHIII! NOOOOO!"

Everything had went slow.

Kakashi's graceful silhouette was barely touching the ground. His silver hair was flying in the moist hair. His eyes were incredibly fierce, glaring flames. His arm went low as he screamed.

"RAIKIRI"!

Just a second.

I'm almost there.

Kakashi please, stop!

One more second.

I can't lose him.

I CAN'T LOSE HIM.

Naruto's eyes had filled with tears as his clone had finally wrapped himself around Kakashi's slim waist, throwing him aside, while the real Naruto had stood high on his feet and conjured all his last strength, all his purest rage for the man who wanted to kill his precious Kakashi. He had automatically invoked his most pain-inflincting jutsu, knowing that it might kill him but he didn't care. He had to be sure of the result.

"NARUTO!" He had heard Kakashi yell..

Naruto had opened his arms wide, his fierce eyes looking straight into his opponent's blank ones.

"FUUTON! RASENSHURIKEN!"

He thought he had heard Kakashi scream behind him as the opponent's huge sword was diving deep in his heart, making him wince in horrible pain, nearly ripping him in half, but still he had kept his blue eyes fixed on his foe, throwing the giant, whirling orb at him in a last cry of rage.

And as the man was taken up in to the air and completely annihilated in the giant orb, Naruto had closed his eyes.

Kakashi was alive.

And he had turned towards the man he had saved, and told the eyes that were looking at him with absolute terror.

"I'm sorry sensei..."

"... I couldn't lose you", Naruto finished in Kakashi's shoulder.

Kakashi had listened to Naruto telling him about how he had felt on the battlefield, and he was deeply moved by Naruto's emotion. He held Naruto tighter and tangled one of his hands into the blonde hair, burying his face deeper in his shoulder.

"Maa...maa...it's okay. I'm here. I'm here now...shhh..."

Naruto calmed down and sighed.

"How can you ask me not to save you if I have the power to do it?"

Kakashi pulled away and took Naruto's face in his hands. He wiped his tears with his thumbs and murmured.

"For the exact same reason I would also sacrifice my life for you. I do have an idea of how you felt, Naruto. I did feel the same way when you died in my arms."

Naruto raised his beautiful eyes towards Kakashi and they looked at each other.

At this precise moment, the full force of Kakashi's promise hit the silver haired jounin.

The time had come. He had to tell him.

His heart beat fast in his chest, and he kept stroking Naruto's cheeks.

How am I suppose to tell him?

Now that the time has come, I can't do it.

Kakashi opened his mouth.

"Naruto, I have to tell you..."

He closed his eyes.

Naruto waited, puzzled.

"Kakashi sensei?"

At this moment, Kakashi remembered something that happened some years ago. Kakashi had been precisely teaching him the fuuton rasenshuriken. At that time, he didn't know yet how much he would fall in love with the young man. But as Naruto had succeeded in mastering what even his father hadn't managed to do, Kakashi had felt his heart swell with so much pride and love for his apprentice that he had wanted to hug him tight to him and never let go.

"I think I'm starting to love you, Naruto", he had said pretty sincerely.

And Kakashi remembered the boy's reaction...the way he had crawled away from him...

"Don't tell me such things, Kakashi-sensei, that's so weird!"

Kakashi winced.

He wouldn't stand Naruto rejecting him again.

I can't. It just doesn't come out.

And thus while his entire body was screaming "I love you", Kakashi put his forehead on Naruto's and whispered.

"I have to tell you...if you don't want to listen to your former sensei, then please listen to an old friend."

Naruto looked at him, puzzled.

Kakashi put on a fake, crinkled smile, hiding the pain that was stabbing his heart.

"Stay put. Take the time to heal. Just listen to me. All right Naruto?"

Naruto bowed his head and sighed.

"Fine... Fine, sensei...I'll do as you wish" he whispered.

Kakashi ruffled his hear and gently forced him to lie down in the bed.

"Okay, enough emotions, you have to rest. I'll be right here, I'm not going anywhere."

And as the blonde fell asleep again, Kakashi sat back with him and buried his face in his hands.

I will never be able to tell him.

Ever.


	5. The Settlement

**Chapter Fifth : The Settlement**

Kakashi was pensive.

It had now been two weeks since Naruto had come back from the dead. It hadn't been easy...

For the first week, Naruto had remained actually quite put, as Kakashi had asked him. Or rather, he didn't have a choice... The poor boy had been vomitting everywhere and Kakashi had done his best to comfort him the best he could.

When Naruto hadn't his head buried in a basin, they had started to talk a little. To make him think about something else, Kakashi had started telling his young friend about funny or epic adventures that he had had in his life. Being the best shinobi in Konoha, Kakashi had a huge amount of these stories, and Naruto loved to hear them. One day, Kakashi was so caught up in his story that he hadn't noticed that Naruto's face was turning gradually greener.

"Kakashi..."

"Wait wait, the best is yet to come..."

"I know but Kakashi..."

"And then I entered the cave and you will never guess what I found in there..."

"KAKASHI!"

Kakashi had looked up and his face had turned pale as Naruto had shot him a panicked look...before throwing up all over him.

They had both stood frozen for a couple of seconds, Kakashi completely drenched in stinking liquid.

And then Naruto had given him the most pitiful look of all his life.

"I'm...I'm so sorry...Kakashi sensei...ttebayo..."

But then Kakashi had started laughing. His beautiful , deep laugh was rolling in his throat as drops of vomit were cascading from his silver hair, in front of a surprised Naruto. As he had laughed harder, his eyes crinkling above his mask, Naruto had started to follow him. After a few minutes, they were bent in half with laughter, tears spilling from their eyes, until Sakura had come into the room.

"What the...Okay that's it, they both went bunkers." She had said, smiling fondly at them.

But then she had crinkled her nose.

"God what is that smell?!

Kakashi had raised his drenched head towards Sakura and taken a deep breath.

"Maa, our friend here didn't like my story so he decided to politely tell me to go screw myself" he said, standing up.

"Good gracious! Go change Kakashi, that's unbearable." Sakura said, laughing.

"Maa, that was precisely my intention. Could you watch over our precious Vomit boy?"

"HEY!" Naruto had shrieked.

Naruto had remained in his bed for a week, without complaining too much... But in the end, he had exploded.

"I can't! I can't do this Kakashi ttebayo! I just can't stay prisoner in here I'm gonna go completely loony. Please, talk to Sakura, let me go home at least..."

"Naruto..." Kakashi had tried to calm him down.

"No, really Kakashi! Come on, you will come see me everyday at home, you are welcome to stay there as long as you wish but please...please take me away from this place ttebayo! I promise I won't screw up and I will stay put. Please ttebayo..."

He was looking at Kakashi with such despair that Kakashi didnt have the heart to refuse. He sat on the bed and pushed Naruto back on his pillows, before ruffling his hair.

"Maaa, maaa...all right. All right, I'll talk to her."

Of course, Sakura had refused at first.

"I'm even surprised you ask me!" She said firmly, as she walked hurriedly in the halls of the hospital, giving some orders here and there. Kakashi was striding behind her trying to convince her.

"Look. I know he is far from being healed but you know him, he's hyperactive, I'm not sure staying trapped in a hospital room is that good for him."

"Yes it is. I told you it would be hard, didn't I? We have to keep him in there no matter what!" She snapped, taking notes on her scroll as she examined the perfusion level of a patient, before rushing out of the room like a busy ant.

"Hey! Wait! Will you just listen?" Kakashi cried out, running after her.

"I'm sorry Kakashi but it's no."

Kakashi disappeared and reappeared right in front of her, so that she hit her nose right into his hard chest. She was going to fall backwards when Kakashi caught her by the shoulders.

"Sakura. Look at me."

"Ouch damn it Kakashi, you broke my nose...", she said while massaging her appendice.

"Look at me!"

Sakura raised her eyes and glared angrily at her silver haired friend.

"Do you trust me?" He asked gently.

"What? I don't see what's the point with..."

"Maaa! He interrupted her, just answer."

Sakura sighed with exasperation.

"Why of COURSE I trust you Kakashi but don't you think I don't know where you..."

"Shhhh, maaa..., Kakashi silenced her with a finger on her mouth, let me talk will you?" He said with his famous smile.

Sakura shut up, crossed her arms and held her head high up in défiance.

"You have two minutes."

Kakashi was a very persuasive man. Only one minute later, he had his arms full of a cheering and very excited Naruto.

"Erf...Naruto", Kakashi choked.

" YOU REALLY ARE THE BEST SMOOTH TALKING BASTARD I HAVE EVER MET KAKASHI SENSEI TTEBAYO!"

"Yes...but not for long if...you keep...hugging me this...tight..." Kakashi said through gritted teeth.

As much as he adored the fact that Naruto was hugging him, Kakashi's vision was starting to blur as Naruto had grabbed him in a fierce embrace, encircling his neck with his muscular arms.

"Oh hahaha I'm sorry Kaka sensei ttebayo", he said, releasing the poor silver-haired man.

"It's...*cough* it's all right. Maa..."

"Okay so when can I leave?" Naruto cried out.

"Errr actually I..."

"Is everything ready? Do I have to sign something or ?"

"Naruto jus..."

"Maybe Sakura will want to give me pills or whatever other disguting kind of treatment."

"I..."

"Okay I'm ready to go! Look! I am almost completely healed now!"

Before Kakashi had time to realize what he was doing, Naruto jumped out of the bed, but his legs were too weak and he tumbled forward, his face crushing on the floor.

"Itteee...he said rubbing his nose, okay maybe not completely but you'll see I'll get up again and I'll just kick some.."

As Kakashi was lifting him up in his arms, sighing, Naruto kept babbling happily about how he would heal extra fast and eat millions of ramens to catch up. He was still talking endlessly when Kakashi put him back in the bed.

"Naruto." He said.

"And then I'll take Sai to the public bath because the poor guy really needs to relax a little, I mean the guy's always so stiff ttebayo, you'd think he shoved a damn katana right up his..."

"NARUTO."

Kakashi's strong voice finally got his attention.

"Eh? Nanda?" Naruto asked.

"Sakura has agreed to let you out of the hospital, but she did emit one condition."

"Ohh is that all? Come on Kakashi sensei don't fret your ass over that. Anything, just tell me. What is it?"

Kakashi raised his index imperiously. Without a word, he got his ear plugs out from his pocket and started putting them into his ears nonchalantly.

"What the HELL are you doing ttebayo?"

Kakashi didn't answer. When he was done, he sighed.

"The condition is: you are to live with me".

He closed his eyes, waiting for the reaction...

Which destroyed his ears despite the plugs.

"EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?"

It had taken almost five hours to calm Naruto down and convince him to come live with Kakashi. At last he had given in, but Kakashi suspected that it was most because he would have done anything to get out of that damn hospital room, and he couldn't help but feeling a little hurt.

"Kakashi."

...

"Kakashi."

...

"OY KAKASHI!"

Kakashi jerked awake from his daydream. He looked down at his lap, and realized he was holding Pakkun to his chest and that he had been stroking his head for ten minutes without giving him the message for Tsunade, what he had intended to do when he conjured him.

"You know I love when you consider me other than a damn flunky and give me some well deserved affection, but I think THAT is burning."

"What is burning?"

"THAT!"

Kakashi raised his head towards the kitchen which was releasing a dark smoke.

"OH SHIT." he cried out, leaping on his feet to rush into the kitchen, throwing Pakkun in the air.

"What the f...!" Pakkun growled, trying to fall back on his paws with all the dignity that characterized him.

"Oh shit shit shit... How am I going to make him eat this now? Sakura is going to be furious."

Sakura had indeed covered him with instructions to follow during Naruto's convalescence. After telling Kakashi that she was willing to let Naruto out only if he was under someone's care (in that case, Kakashi's), she had ordered him to come to her office at the end of the day. There, she had him sit obediently with a scroll and a pen, and bombarded him with information. Although Kakashi was a genius, medical ninjutsu was not his field at all and he had to focus hard to write down everything she was telling him.

"Naruto won't be able to eat anything solid for a few weeks, so you will have to feed him with only liquid things such as soup, mashed vegetables etc…"

"Can I give him ramen broth?" Kakashi asked with hope.

"No. It's not nourishing enough. I want him to be fed with a lot of vegetables mashed in thick, consistent soups."

"Oh…" Kakashi lowered is head sadly. He would have done anything to please Naruto and ease his condition a little.

"And DON'T you put more than one half of pill at a time in twenty centiliters of liquid food…ARE YOU WRITING THIS DOWN OR DO I HAVE TO PUNCH YOU TO MOTIVATE YOUR HAND?"

"Maaaaa! Maaaa! Yeeees! I'm writing, I'm writing…But…"

"The pill is very strong so you will have to dilute it precisely twenty centiliters by twenty centiliters, and then make the soup boil for two minutes, then you have to put the rest of the pill and make the soup just half-boil for five minutes and a quarter…"

"Sakura please slow down…"

And now he had burnt the damn thing.

Oh God, she was going to be furious.

"Who...*cough!* is going to be furious?"

Kakashi cast a frightened glance at Pakkun who smirked.

"Hohoho...someone's gonna get his ass whipped. See you later boss!" And he disappeared in a bark of laughter.

"Wait Pakkun! The message for Tsu..."

"OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE?!" Sakura yelled as she entered the kitchen, making Kakashi wince.

"Shhhhh!" Kakashi implored, afraid she would wake Naruto.

"DON'T YOU FREAKING SHUSH ME! HAVE YOU GOT ANY IDEA HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO MAKE THAT FREAKING PILL?"

"Maaaaaa, maaaaa I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Sakura!" Kakashi said, torn between giving her a hug (which was the only way to calm her down when she was in that state) and preparing to dodge one of her incredible punches she would most certainly land right on his nose if he tried to touch her. That was why calming her anger was always a little bit tricky…

The pink haired woman pinched her nose and sighed.

"Good gracious...Your ass is lucky I made a whole barrel of those pills knowing there might be a disaster."

"Hahaha, yokatta yokatta!" Kakashi laughed, embarrassed, his voice flying up to high notes.

"Shut up, she snapped, and move the hell over."

Kakashi hastily moved aside and bowed his tall frame before the small, authoritative woman, like a sheepish child. He opened his mouth to apologize again but Sakura seemed so furious that he just ended up looking shamefully at his feet.

Sakura worked fast as she opened the window and cleaned the mess. Kakashi watched her as she made herself at home in his house, searching the cupboards and knowing exactly where everything was. After all she had often came to see him, whether it was with the boys and occasionally their other friends to have a drink all together, or to nurse him back to health after difficult missions, given that he hated hospitals.

And as he watched her, he felt his heart fill with deep friendship and fondness for that pink-haired angel who had become such a formidable woman. God, I really am becoming too sentimental, he thought.

After twenty minutes, she had replaced the burnt casserole with a new one, filled it with another bottle of the thick soup. She had ground another pill and put it progressively inside the soup while stirring it in to make it completely adhere to the liquid.

Once she was done, she planted herself in front of Kakashi, who had ended up smiling fondly at her. Ignoring his expression, she agitated a threatening index in front of his masked face:

"You. Watch. That. Don't you dare letting it burn again, or so help me god, I will smash your cute little silver head right to the planet's core. Understood?" She snapped.

"Yes, Sakura sama" Kakashi said, smiling. He vaguely wondered where his balls had gone, but he didn't care.

"Hmph. Okay I'm off to the hospital, I'll be back tonight to see if everything is fine, all right?"

"You are always welcome here, Sakura chan, you know that."

Sakura couldn't help but smiling, blushing slightly. She turned to leave when her wrist got caught in a tall hand, and she was spun around, her face landing right against a firm, muscular chest.

"Sen..sensei?" She asked while Kakashi engulfed her tenderly in his arms, sealing her in a very tight embrace.

He sighed, and a hand came up to her hair to press her face further into his chest.

"Sakura, I wanted to thank you for all you're doing for him...and for saving him. If you hadn't reanimated him back there..."

Sakura chuckled and the sound was muffled in his shirt.

"You've already thanked me, Kakashi. Besides, it's my job you know!"

Kakashi took her shoulders and pulled her away to look at her:

"Have I? Thanked you I mean?" He asked with sincerity.

"Haha yes you have, sensei."

He looked puzzled, but then shook his head.

"Whatever. Come back here."

He pulled her back firmly against his chest and held her head there by tangling his tall hand in her hair, while rocking her from left to right, holding her even tighter with his chin on her hair.

Sakura was absolutely fond of hugs, and her former sensei's were no exception. They were always so full of tenderness, and he was warm and strong, so she felt protected and loved. And in addition to that, she deeply cared for that man who was one of her closest friends. Usually, Kakashi would only rarely display that sort of affection for anyone. He was used to be a loner, and he had erected steel walls around his often wounded heart. When the boys and her were still genin, Kakashi used to be rather cold at first. He had ended up warming up through the months, then the years, but still he never touched any of them. The best they would be getting from him would be a gentle ruffle of their hair, accompanied by his famous crinkled smile. But during these moments, his visible eye would sparkle a little. As Naruto and Sakura had grown up, he and them got gradually closer. When Naruto had left to train with Jiraiya, Sakura used to spend a lot of time with her former sensei. They would talk a lot, spar together, then just sit with a drink in each other's home, just enjoying each other's company. Kakashi was a good listener, and he had always been there for Sakura, especially when Sasuke had left, which had broken her heart.

Sakura would always remember the first time he had actually hugged her. She had been taking care of a patient she had grown very fond of. He was the first man who touched her heart again after Sasuke. His name was Kiro. For several weeks she had nursed him, taken care of him, but in the end, she had found him dead in his bed. He had made a seizure through the night, and he had left the world without a single sound. At this precise moment, she had been devastated. Kiro had told her that his worst fear was to die alone, and that was precisely what had happened. She had ran out of the room, containing her tears, and Kakashi who had been visiting a slightly wounded Iruka, had seen her shutting herself up in a service closet. Worried, he had slowly opened the door, and he had discovered his pink-haired friend collapsed on the floor, shaken with heart-wrenching sobs. His face had softened in pain.

"Sakura-chan, what's wrong?!" he had said softly, kneeling beside her and putting a hand in her hair.

Sakura had raised her eyes flooded with tears, and choked.

"Ki...Kiro...He...He di...he died last night...A..Alone...Oh Kakashi..."

And she had hidden her face in her hands, crying harder.

Kakashi's face had softened in pain. He knew how much Kiro counted for Sakura, because she had told him everything. She had told him how she was starting to really like him. And Kakashi had been glad to know the void Sasuke had left was slowly starting to get filled again.

And again, she had lost him.

At this precise moment something had snapped inside Kakashi. Without a word, he had taken her into his arms. He had settled her on his lap while leaning back against the wall, buried her face in his chest, and there he had held her firmly but with an immense, immense tenderness. He had just kept rocking her back and forth, still not saying anything. He had just hugged her, closing his eyes, remembering the last time he had held someone in his arms, which was a very long time ago.

This was the first time Kakashi had actually hugged her, but it remained not frequent...

...until Naruto's accident.

"Sensei? Are you okay? You seem really out of it today. I mean more than usual..." She asked again, wrapping her arms around his waist and following him in his rocking movement.

They all kept calling him "Sensei", even though he was now much more of a friend than an actual sensei, but it made Kakashi feel protective towards them. He liked being called that because it made him feel privileged, and knowing he was still a model for his young friends even though they had become so strong warmed his heart.

"Hmm? Yes...yes I'm fine Sakura. I just..."

He swallowed a lump in his throat, closed his eyes and laid his cheek on Sakura's head, hugging her tighter. Sakura frowned in his shirt. But she let him talk.

"That... accident made me realize something."

He made a pause.

It was weird.

He had never been so sentimental...

But hell...Sakura had seen him on a whole new day on the battlefield, and he had to tell her this. He just had too. Since the accident, his heart was filled with so many regrets. Well...even more than usual, at least, and it started to be just too heavy to bear alone. Something just pushed him to open himself to Sakura.

"I have never told you guys how precious you are to me. Especially you, Sai and...and Naruto. I...I never told Sasuke...And...I don't know if we will ever see him again. If ever anything should happen to anyone of us, I want you all to know that I... Well I...Hem..."

Sakura's eyes went wide.

Kakashi was saying that he loved them.

Something definitely changed radically within him.

But she was deeply moved. Kakashi was so cute when he showed who he truly was. It was like seeing a little kitten shyly popping his head of ouf a proud, fierce lion's mane. Kakashi was so deeply touching. Sakura smiled and held him tighter, stretching her arm to stroke his silver hair, which was a bit tricky as he was still much taller than her.

"I know. I know Kakashi. I love you too. We all do." She said with simplicity, nestling her nose further into her friend's chest.

Kakashi smiled sincerely, deep warmth engulfing his heart. He admired Sakura for her ability to show her emotions when himself had so much trouble doing it. That was the whole point of wearing a mask. He had been trying to shut himself from the world, he had been trying to prevent his heart from ever loving again, ever since his father's death. But Sakura, as well as Naruto, were both so alive. They were so exuberant, they lived life at its fullest, and Sakura could say that she loved him without being ashamed, without any fear of rejection. Sakura was so simple. She just loved him, and she had no trouble saying it. She had no trouble giving him her warmth, and Kakashi thought that on that level, she was definitely a better sensei than he would ever be.

"I promise I will do my best to show it more often from now on...", he said, putting his masked lips on the top of her head, possessively keeping her against him.

Sakura giggled again.

"You are going to trap us in big hugs such as this one each time you see us?"

"Ma, why not? I think I kind of like it actually" Kakashi chuckled, stroking her soft, pink hair. She smelled nice. Kakashi liked the perfume of her shampoo which went through his mask.

"Hahahaha, well I would personally love that, but God, call me when you try to hug Sai. I want to see his face." Sakura laughed.

"I'll let you know that I do think that boy hasn't had enough hugs in his life! It's high time to make up for it" Kakashi answered lightly. "The same goes for me", he thought deep inside his heart.

"Well if I were you I would be careful, you never know with Sai, he could end up really liking it and wanting to hug everyone all the time and read entire books about hugs"

"Hehehehehe... That could be funny. I'm picturing him trying to hug Shikamaru..., Kakashi chuckled.

\- ...or Neiji!

\- ...or Tsunade!

\- oh God, IBIKI!"

They laughed harder together, picturing those hilarious scenes in their minds, in which their poor Sai was angrily sent to screw himself by their friends, Sakura's voice muffled in Kakashi's hard pectorals as they shook with laughter, Kakashi's in her soft hair.

" Ahh, Kami, it seems I haven't laughed for weeks, Kakashi sighed, tears of laughter leaking from his eyes. Seriously, we do make a hell of a bunch of weirdos."

Sakura hit him gently in his rock hard abs.

"Hey! YOU are a bunch of weirdos, that's why I'm here to keep things in order!"

"That's so true...", he whispered.

Kakashi smiled and hugged her tighter, one hand on her back, the other tangling in her hair, imprisoning her into his arms, not wanting to let go. Sakura sighed against his chest, letting him sway them from left to right, savoring the moment, breathing his reassuring scent as she placed her nose right in the hollow of his protective chest.

Then after a very long time, Sakura sighed:

"Okay Kakashi, you know I would love to be hugged by you for days, but I really need to go back to the hospital."

Kakashi snapped out of his thoughts.

"Oh! Yes, yes of course." He said finally letting go of her.

"Plus you have to go feed our hero back there."

Kakashi turned his head towards his room where he had put Naruto, and sighed.

"Yes, of course...Our hero..."

Sakura observed him.

Yep. There was definitely something going on in his eyes. An emotion she had already seen before, she thought, but which was much, much stronger now... Actually she had noticed that Kakashi had changed since that day. At first she had just thought that he was a little more pensive than usual, but then he had gradually become much more affectionate, caring. He had already hugged her several times through the last weeks, and she had started suspecting something. Actually, it truly was when he had laid a kiss in her hair when she had agreed to let Naruto leave the hospital that she had truly wondered what had got into him.

Kakashi had NEVER kissed her hair.

While she looked at him, she thought about how she had found him back on that day, clutching Naruto's stiff body to his chest, sobbing, his face buried in the blonde's hair. When he had looked at her, the depth of the despair she had seen in his eyes was so abyssal it had frightened her. It was just as if he was trapped in a living hell, in a world where all light had been taken from him, a world where he would become mad with loneliness and sorrow.

There was only one thing that could make a man of Kakashi's stature lose absolutely all his means and cry like that over someone.

Love.

But Kakashi, loving Naruto?

...

I mean of course, he just said it to me, he loves us all deeply, but... What I saw was different...

Parental love?

Nah, Kakashi's much too young...

No...my instinct tells me something else...

Could it be...

...

Naaah come on, Sakura shook her head at her own thoughts. That's impossible.

She came back to the present.

"All right...hey...Hey!"

She snapped her fingers in front of Kakashi's face who started, then chuckled, embarrassed, scratching the back of his head.

"I'm sorry hahaha you're right, I'm really out of it today"

"Well get a grip on yourself and get to work! Right I'm off to the hospital. Call me IMMEDIATELY if you need anything. . Or if Naruto makes you live hell, I'll come give him a good punch."

"Now now Sakura, I'm not sure this is an efficient form of medication."

"Hey. I've been Naruto's doctor for a couple of years now, I'm an expert in the animal. Okay, bye sensei!" She said, standing on her tiptoes to give Kakashi a light kiss on his masked cheek, making him blush slightly.

"God you guys are all so tall!" She chuckled, before disappearing through the door.

Kakashi sighed, and went to take care of that young man he loved with all his heart. He knew it was the first day of one long, very long way to healing. What he didn't know though, is that it was also a way which was going to change both their lives.


	6. The Long Way to Healing

**Chapter Sixth : The Long Way to Healing**

Kakashi had prepared everything. He had settled Naruto in his own bed, and he had moved the couch from the living room to the bedroom in order to be able to keep an eye on the young man at all times.

The first days were sometimes quite awkward. For starters, and Naruto didn't know why, he was extremely embarrassed to go to the toilet in his former sensei's house...especially when he had to poop. So for the first two days he just managed to hold himself. But on the third day, he just couldn't anymore.

"Hem...Kakashi..."

"Yes, Naruto?", Kakashi raised his nose from his icha-icha.

"Err...I don't know how to tell you that but...hem..."

"Nanda?"

Naruto didn't say anything, and Kakashi's heart started beating faster, nervous.

"I have to go to the toilet."

Kakashi stood there frozen, then had a relieved laugh.

"Maa! You scared me."

Naruto lowered his head.

"Well you should be."

"Oh, it's not just peeing then, is it?"

Naruto shook his head.

Oh boy that was going to be fun.

Kakashi stood up and put his book aside.

"Seriously, how long were you going to hold back until you told me, Naruto? You haven't been to the toilet since we left the hospital. I'm sure you..."

"Errrrrrr look we really don't have to have that conversation ttebayo..." Naruto said, closing his eyes, blushing hard.

Naruto embarrassed was a rare sight. Kakashi cursed himself. He wanted to do his best to make his stay at his home as comfortable as possible, and it was quite an awkward start.

"Okay okay let's go. I'll take you there"

"You're not staying with me in the damn toilet are you ttebayo?!" Naruto asked with a panicked voice.

Kakashi couldn't help but bursting out laughing, throwing his head backwards.

"No, don't worry about that, Naruto, I'll leave you some privacy".

As he helped Naruto getting out of the bed, and supported him on his shoulder, Naruto's natural cheekiness came back.

"Well you know, it's not like I have never done it with anyone."

""EHHH?" Kakashi cried out.

"Oh come on, don't tell me you have forgotten when Sasuke and I had our hands tied up together for days!"

Kakashi froze, looking at Naruto increduously, as the blonde was grinning back at him.

And then he remembered, and burst out laughing once more. He laughed so hard he had to lean on the wall for a moment, and Naruto fell on him with his chin on the man's chest.

"Hhahahahahaha, God I had forgotten that!" Kakashi said, wiping a tear from his eye.

"Lucky you... Poor Sasuke, I think I have traumatized him forever." , Naruto giggled.

"Yeah no wonder he lef..."

Before he could restrain himself, the words were out of his mouth. He sealed his lips shut at once, and looked at Naruto. The sudden hurt he saw in the blue eyes made him want to beat the crap out of himself.

"Ma, I'm sorry Naruto, it was a really bad joke." He said while squeezing the boy a little tighter against him.

Naruto just shook his head and gave him his brilliant grin, swallowing his sorrow.

"It's all right sensei. It was actually funny. Now hurry up or I'm going to shit all over you."

Kakashi didn't need to be told twice and downright lifted Naruto into his arms like a princess.

"What the HELL are you doing ttebayo?!"Naruto protested.

"Ma, I'm hurrying up." Kakashi simply answered, rushing towards the bathroom.

After all, last time Naruto had said that he was going to throw up all over him, he actually did it within the minute.

Kakashi deposited him on the toilet.

"Thank you. Now get the hell out of there ttebayo!" Naruto ordered.

"Ma, wakatta, Naruto sama" Kakashi chuckled.

He got out and closed the door behind him.

"Oh and don't call me if you need wiping your cute little ass"

He heard Naruto chuckle on the other side of the door.

"Go screw yourself, Kakashi SAMA, ttebayo."

"That sounds tricky but I'll do my best!" Kakashi laughed.

"Yeah you do that. And put on some damn music ttebayo, I don't want you to hear while I'm destroying your toilet..."

That was the start of a beautiful complicity that was going to build up through the weeks.

As a few more days went by, Kakashi and Naruto established a kind of routine. When Naruto would wake up, Kakashi would already be up, busy cooking in the kitchen. The jounin would then bring Naruto his meals and stay with him while he ate. Then Kakashi would take the plate back and wash it, then accompany Naruto to brush his teeth and have a shower. Between these tasks, Kakashi would mostly keep Naruto company, talking to him, laughing together. When the boy was sleeping, he would pull out his book...and try to read without looking at Naruto all the time, which was pretty tricky. He often surprised his own eyes gliding on Naruto's silhouette, following the contours of his face, caressing his golden hair, tracing his unique whisker marks on his cheeks. He surprised his thoughts wandering in a world where he could spend his days holding the young boy into his arms, kissing him into oblivion, making passionate love to him and feeling all his energy take him up to the stars.

Sometimes, Naruto would be drooling in his sleep. Kakashi would stand up, a tender smile on his face, and clean him up with a wet washcloth. It was an occasion to stroke his face, but Kakashi didn't want to admit it.

Things were doing quite smoothly but as the days went by, Kakashi couldn't help but noticing something strange going gradually on in Naruto's eyes. The young man would still laugh and joke, but the silver haired jounin couldn't miss the glint of sadness that was shining in his beautiful eyes. And one day, as Kakashi entered Naruto's room after coming back from town where he had went to buy groceries, the young man was miserably watching through the window, like a caged bird.

"Naruto? Are you all right?"

Naruto didn't answer, so Kakashi sat beside him on the bed. He ruffled his hair.

"What's wrong, Naru-kun? He said, using the nickname he had come to give him after so much time spent with him.

"Kakashi, do you think I will return to normal one day?"

Kakashi's eyes widened. Naruto looked so down even his hair seemed duller. His eyes were sad, defeated. It wasn't like him.

"Of course you will, Naruto kun, why are you asking me that?" Kakashi said in a tender, caring voice.

Naruto had a bitter laugh.

"Look at me. Just look at me..." He lowered his head and Kakashi rubbed his back in soothing circles.

"I am looking at you..." Kakashi said.

All the time, he added in his mind.

"It's been almost a month now...and my chakra is still inusable." Naruto sighed.

"Sakura said it would take time, remember?"

Naruto remained silent for a moment. Kakashi kept running slow, comforting circles on his back, worry coloring his grey eye. He had to strain his ear to hear what the young man said next.

"I'm scared..." Naruto whispered.

"Of what d...Naru-kun?"

God. He had almost called him "Darling".

"I'm scared of having become an infirm. A burden... I'm scared of being just a useless shitbag now..." The blonde said, tears of frustration filling his beautiful eyes.

Kakashi's heart broke.

"Come here." He said in his deep voice, pulling Naruto into his arms. Naruto didn't resist. He was too busy trying to hold his tears back. Kakashi buried his face into his neck and encircled his shoulders with his strong arms before squeezing him tight.

"Don't you ever say you're a burden, Naruto...Ever..."

The only fact Naruto would think that about himself was enough to make Kakashi yell and break everything in his path.

Naruto breathed deeply in Kakashi's cloth-covered neck and closed his eyes, while something in his mind stirred again.

That smell...It reminded him something.

Instinctively, he pressed his nose further into the dark cloth to better catch the smell. His face was pressed so close in Kakashi's neck that he could feel and hear him swallow. Deep in his subconscious, he would have given anything to get rid of the cloth and smell Kakashi's skin itself.

And Naruto wasn't ready to admit it, but he had come to love that smell to a point close to addiction. It made him feel safe and protected, but he didn't know why. And the same went for the feeling of Kakashi's arms around him which held him close and tight. Again, he thought deep in his heart that he had never been held this way, and only Kakashi had ever brought him that feeling of being completely shielded from the world. For one moment, just one moment, he didn't have to carry it all by himself. Just for one moment, he could hide into Kakashi's strong chest when he was tired and staggering on the way, because Kakashi was in charge.

It also felt like a familiar place...Although Kakashi hadn't hugged him that often in his life, Naruto felt something nagging him in the back of his mind. Like a memory buried deep in his subconscient, as if Kakashi's arms were where he truly belonged.

He took a shaking breath and Kakashi felt he was on the verge of crying. He closed his eyes and rocked him very tenderly, stroking his hair with devotion.

"Maaa…Let it out, it's okay...I'm here…", he whispered slowly, squeezing him tighter inside his arms.

Again that sensation that Naruto could indeed just let it all out, that Kakashi's arms and chest were like a shelter where he could cry and just pour all his emotions without restraint. He just knew it, he knew Kakashi's arms and chest were like an indestructible cocoon which could hold him for hours, for days, for years without ever faltering. They would hold him without condition, always. Naruto could count on them, anytime.

But how exactly did he know that?

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry you have to put up with me ttebayo..." Naruto said, his voice dying in a whimper, his last defenses breaking, his voice muffled in Kakashi's throat.

He started sobbing softly, his tears reaching Kakashi's skin, and the silver-haired jounin's face tinted with sorrow as he tangled a hand into the blonde hair.

"Shh-shh-shh...there's nothing to apologize for, my precious Naru-kun." He whispered. Without even noticing what he was doing, Kakashi laid a long kiss into the blonde's hair, before tightening his embrace and laying his cheek on the side of Naruto's face.

"First I don't "put out with you", Naruto, I lo..."

Again. Again the words just wouldn't come out.

They wouldn't come out.

"You're so precious to me" was the best he could say.

You freaking coward, he told himself.

"Remember, when I was teaching you the rasenshuriken? At this moment you also lost faith in yourself."

Kakashi would never forget that moment. He could see the scene in his head again. He had kneeled besides a completely depressed Naruto, sitting under the rain, his blue eyes looking down at his battered hands. He had almost never seen Naruto so depressed. It was just so much in contradiction with all his personality. Naruto had lived hell, he had been rejected by an entire village, he had lost both his parents. But in spite of all this, he had never given up, that was Naruto's very essence. A huge self-confidence, an unconditional love for the others, and the incredible will of never, never giving up.

But that time... That time, Kakashi had seen a darker, more doubtful side of Naruto, and that side had just came back to the surface again. It was the Naruto who was currently crying like a helpless child in his arms while Kakashi was devoting himself to make him feel his immense love through his tight embrace rather than through words. He covered his hair with light, discrete kisses, and kept rocking him while rubbing his shaking body with his tall hands, caressing him, soothing him.

"Do you remember how you felt at this moment?", Kakashi asked with his most gentle voice.

Still sobbing, Naruto nodded his face hidden in Kakashi's neck.

"You thought you would never make it. You thought you had reached your limit. And I showed you how wrong you were, remember?"

Naruto had indeed told him that what he was asking of him was as impossible as looking both right and left at the same time.

"Can you do that Kakashi sensei? Can you look both left and right at the same time?"

"Ma, of course I can." Kakashi had said nonchalantly.

He had conjured a clone, and looked left while his clone was looking right.

"See?" He had said, bringing a huge smile on Naruto's lips.

Naruto pulled away to speak, freeing his lips from the dark cloth, looking at Kakashi straight in the eye.

"Yes but now it's different. Can you give me back my chakra? Can you make me walk again without help? Right here, right now?

Kakashi sighed, moved some of his blonde hair out of his eyes, then cupped the back of his head in his palm to press his face back in his neck.

"No I can't. But I'm asking you to trust me. And to trust Kyuubi you have inside you. Remember, you told me that we were all underestimating him. Now it's your turn to trust him. Your capacities will come back, Naruto, I'm certain of it, and I'm going to help you through this. I promise you. I'll be there all the way. I won't let you down...I won't..."

He rocked him tenderly, slowly, keeping his face buried in his neck.

"And you know what, even if you did become a useless shitbag, you still wouldn't be a burden to me. I would keep watching over you and taking care of you for the rest of your life because I..."

I love you. God I love you so much it kills me.

I love you so much it drives me mad.

"Because I am your family. Remember? We all are your family and we will be there for you no matter what happens. You hear me, Naruto? No matter what."

And he had kept Naruto against him for a very long time, just enjoying the feeling of holding in his arms. He truly missed the entire nights he would spend engulfing him completely to him, and he couldn't resist any occasion he had to hug him because it eased the ache he felt in his own heart.

He felt cold when he wasn't holding him or even near him.

He didn't know at this time that he would be spending most of the following week holding Naruto to prevent him from going mad with pain.

Because yes, after the depression came the pain.

Back in Sakura's office, after his former student had told him about how to properly feed Naruto, she had let out a deep sigh.

"Okay...You know everything about food...Now...I have to talk to you about the pain."

"The pai...Ma, ma, ma, what the hell is that?"

Kakashi had watched with wide eyes at the enormous needle Sakura had got out of her drawer.

"This...Represents what are probably going to be the darkest hours of Naruto's convalescence. It is going to last nine days."

"That thing is absolutely enormous", Kakashi had deadpanned.

"I'm very much aware of that, but it's the smallest needle I have succeeded in coming up with for the enormous job it has to do."

"Okay, now you're worrying me."

Sakura had sat down and watched Kakashi straight in the eyes.

"Okay now listen carefully Kakashi, because this is the reason why I regret agreeing to let you take Naruto to your home. As you know, Naruto's chakra is completely messed up. Remember, I explained to you that it was like if all his chakra cells had been torn apart and burnt".

"Hai. I remember", Kakashi had answered, listening very carefully.

"Up until now, our job was to make sure Naruto remained alive by generally monitoring the damages in his body...Now I believe from the last exams I ran on him that Kyuubi is almost done with his healing job: he completely drained the poison and he repaired most damages on the organs."

"So what's wrong?"

"Well...Now we have to begin the proper chakra reconstruction. That is why I have made these pills...They are going to start reconstruct the chakra after about five doses. And this is going to be unbelievably painful. And I think you can imagine what I'm talking about"

Kakashi had raised puzzled eyes.

"I have already healed you with minor chakra reconstruction, Kakashi, remember..."

Kakashi hadn't said a word, not knowing what she was talking about. After all that woman had healed him so many times he just...

And then his heart had seemed to be enclosed in a hand of ice.

"Are you kidding me?" he had whispered, his visible eye wide.

"Believe me, I wish I were."

Sakura had indeed already healed him with chakra reconstruction: his arm had been caught up in a powerful jutsu during a tricky battle, and it had damaged a certain amount of chakra cells in his body. Sakura had spent almost an entire week and his side, but what he would never forget...

Was the pain he had felt at this moment.

"And it was only your arm. Naruto's chakra system is entirely upside-down."

"Masaka..."

Kakashi had hidden his face in his hands. The pain he had felt that time...It had almost driven him mad, so much he had feared he would hurt Sakura. It was as if his arm was burning slowly while he was completely conscious. The pain was unbelievable, surreal.

And Naruto would live this hell in all his body.

God he has already suffered enough...I don't want to see him go through this.

"Isn't there any other way? Is there...is there any way we can I don't know...transfer the pain? Maybe the Yamanaka clan can help!"

Sakura had looked at him puzzled.

"Transfer to whom?"

"Maa, to me of course!"

Sakura had fallen silent. Kakashi had always had an incredible sense of sacrifice. And to see to what lengths he would go to preserve the people he loved was always very moving. Sakura hadsmiled sadly and she had rested a hand on Kakashi's agitated shoulder.

"No, sensei, there is no such thing. The pain will be just too intense. It won't work."

Kakashi had lowered his head.

"Kakashi, I want you to fully understand what keeping Naruto with you will imply. This is going to be hard, you know, Naruto is going to suffer so much he might become delusional, and not recognize you anymore."

"Wait...What about Kyuubi? Can this make him get out?" Kakashi had asked.

Sakura had shaken her head.

"Fortunately, I think we're safe about this. First because even though he is done with most of the healing, it is not over yet, and he has to keep Naruto's body stabilized because of the very disturbed chakra cells. Plus, even Kyuubi has to recover his chakra, and with the enormous job he has to do, I don't think he will be strong enough to get out."

"Mmh..." Kakashi had answered, pensively.

"Anyway, you will have to watch over Naruto at ALL TIMES, and I truly mean AT ALL TIMES."

"Don't worry about that. I will die before I let anything take him away from me."

"Wakatta...I trust you. All right so let me explain what you must do. When the pain reaches its peak, that is to say on the fifth day exactly after the pain starts, or precisely ten days before he has taken the first pill...You will have to use this."

She raised the enormous needle.

"It's huge precisely because you have to plant it right into his chest, in his heart. It will calm him down and ease both his pain and his heart rate, for the fifth day itself but also, hopefully, for the four remaining days. It will take some time to act, but the pain will ease out eventually, from two to four hours after the have to inject ALL the liquid it contains, even if you have to knock him out for that. But you will have to inject it progressively, with pauses between two injections, or you might drown his arteries. The fluid works like the pills: it has to create a network covering all the cells to work. That is why I explained to you that the pills would start reconstructing the chakra only five days after the first dose, remember?"

Kakashi had nodded slowly.

"Okay now is the most important so listen up: you must ABSOLUTELY wait for the fifth day to make the injection, because you can only use this once. And believe me, nothing he suffers will be comparable to what he will most certainly live on the fifth day . And you can't use it twice, or it will kill him."

Kakashi hadn't uttered a word.

"All right Kakashi? I insist upon that. Even if Naruto begs you to do something, even if he cries, if he screams, if he is going mad with pain...Don't you use this before the fifth day."

"Wakatta..." Kakashi whispered, devastated at the idea of watching Naruto suffer without being able to do anything.

Sakura had set the needle aside and taken Kakashi's hands in hers.

"Kakashi, I want to tell you that what you are going to do is the job of a full time nurse. It is truly a hard job. And I want you to think this over carefully before you decide to go through with it. If ever, ever you feel that it is too much for you alone, you call me IMMEDIATELY. Anyway, I will do my best to come by every day to monitor things."

Kakashi had held Sakura's hands tightly.

"Sakura, my decision is final. I will take care of Naruto and be by his side at all times. I want to be there to hold his hand when he suffers so much he doesn't know where he is anymore. I want to be his anchor to the real world. I want him to feel safe, in a house, not in a hospital bed. And I want him to feel there is someone there to hold him and comfort at all times."

He had made a pause, and taken a deep breath.

"And...this is my fault he is in that state. I want to take care of him, I want to be the one who gives him back his health."

He stopped. His heart was beating fast. He looked into Sakura's eyes, passion written all over his hidden face though the woman could only read it in his visible eye.

"I will be there for him, whatever it takes".


	7. The Gates of Madness

**Chapter Seven : The Gates of Madness**

And as Sakura had predicted, five days after Kakashi had given Naruto the first pill, The blonde started feeling the pain coming. At first, he would just clentch his teeth, without saying anything. Kakashi knew he was trying to be strong, he was trying hard not to be a "burden."

"Are you okay?" Kakashi asked.

"Yes. Yes I am okay ttebayo", Naruto kept saying.

But Kakashi could see his hands wandering on his body, clutching his skin, his muscles tensing up.

Ma, here it starts, Kakashi thought.

On the second day, the pain increased drastically.

Kakashi woke up hearing whimpers. When he approached Naruto, he couldn't stand what he was seeing. Naruto's face was twisted in a mask of pain, and his hands were clutching at every part of his body, trying to rip his skin off.

"Naruto!"

Kakashi rushed forward and kneeled beside the bed, grabbing Naruto's hands, preventing them from scratching his skin. He had already ripped off some parts, and he was bleeding. The young man looked at him with panicked eyes.

"K...Kakashi...What...What the hell is happening to me?! What is happening to me ttebayo!" he cried out.

"Daijoubu, Naruto, it's the treatment. Your chakra is being reconstructed."

"God it...it hurts so much...it hurts so much sensei ttebayo!"

"I know...I know Naru-kun...Shh..." Kakashi said while caressing his forehead tenderly, cursing himself for not being able to do anything. He knew this would be hard, but there was no way he could be prepared to seeing the man of his life suffer so much without anything to ease the pain.

Naruto was struggling and he started yelling in pain.

"It burns! Kakashi...I'm burning alive ttebayo! I...Let me...I...I have to take it off...!"

"Naruto! Look at me!" Kakashi said loudly, tightly holding Naruto's hands into his own to stop him from mutilating himself.

Naruto's sweaty face turned towards him, and his eyes tried to focus on his sensei's face.

"You are not burning, Naruto, the pain is real but you are not burning. Hold on. You have to hold on!"

"Tear it...Take it...Take it off...I have to...TAKE IT OFF!"

Naruto whimpered in pain, all his body tensed up.

"Oh God why does it hurt so much..." Naruto growled.

As he kept trying to free himself from Kakashi's hands, the silver haired jounin decided that there was only one thing to do. He had to prevent him from moving at all. But he couldn't bring himself to tie him up with his ropes. By far, he prefered to bind him with his own body wrapped around him.

That's why he climbed in the bed with Naruto.

"Come here, come into my arms, shhh, I've got you." he said while wrapping his strong arms around the panicked blonde, blocking his hands against his chest, totally trapping him in his embrace so that he couldn't move anymore.

"I...Let me...Leave me alone...LET GO OF ME! YOU ARE GOING TO BURN WITH ME" Naruto tried to free himself and he struggled so hard Kakashi had to use all his strength to master him.

"Shhh, I'm not burning Naruto...I'm putting the fire out.. See? I'm putting it out...Shhh, I'm here, just focus on me. Focus on me, Naruto."

God he felt so useless. He felt so powerless. It was just like his father...just like Obito...Rin...Minato...he hadn't been able to help them. And Naruto was trapped in a living hell inside his arms and he couldn't help him. He had to wait for three more days. Three more days and he could truly help him. It seemed impossible. So for the time being, he held him tight as Naruto was whimpering and growling in pain, twisting in his arms, until, finally, after several hours, he fell asleep, completely exhausted.

Kakashi hadn't let go of him for a second.

As Sakura had predicted, fortunately, there were moments when Naruto didn't suffer too much. But the painful episodes were so intense that Naruto would spend his time sleeping, exhausted. Kakashi had to wake him up to make him eat and go to the toilet. He started throwing up. Kakashi held his hair each time, shushing him and rubbing comforting circles on his back, wiping the tears.

He even bathed him.

The first time he took Naruto's clothes off, he hesitated to take off his boxers. But then he told himself that he had to wash all of his clothes, so he hesitantly put his hands on Naruto's hips, feeling, despite himself, shivers running along his spine.

"May I...?", Kakashi asked very gently.

Naruto closed his eyes.

"Yes...But don't you watch ttebayo..."

Kakashi couldn't help but smiling behind his mask. Even completely out of it, Naruto still had his dignity to preserve. So he took his boxers off and quickly scooped the young man into his arms to put him into the hot water.

He had lost weight. He was thinner and lighter in his arms.

As Naruto was hiding his nudity with his hands, Kakashi quickly put a lot of soap into the water to hide his body with foam. Naruto understood what he was doing, and he gave him a look full of gratitude through his tired eyes. He looked like a sad kitten, with his whisker marks. He seemed so vulnerable. That made Kakashi's heart clench from a mixture of undestructible love and compassion. He had to prevent himself from bending over and putting a loving, tender kiss on his lips. He turned his eyes away to push back the urge, and then started to massage Naruto's beautiful hair and body. He would let Naruto take care of his intimate parts, while he took care of the rest. He knew the pain was never too far from coming back, and thus he knew he had to act quickly to put Naruto back into bed and be ready to hold him. But he couldn't prevent himself from dreaming as he was letting his hands wandering on Naruto's skin. He would have given anything to take his own clothes off and slide behind Naruto to take him between his legs, to encircle his chest with his arms and nuzzle his neck. He would start by laying tiny, loving kisses behind his ear. Then he would go down his nuque...biting him a little, while his hands would wander on his chest, then on his abdomen, then slide under the hot water to reach his...

Maa...Enough.

He would keep massaging Naruto's tense, tortured muscles, and all his body would shiver when Naruto would close his eyes and let out a relieved sigh at the touch of his tall, warm hands.

When he was done, Kakashi would pour water on Naruto's head and then go fetch a towel. Naruto couldn't stand by himself, so Kakashi would wrap him up in the towel, and lift him up from the bathtub to put him back on the floor. There, he would hug him tight to his chest for a little moment, closing his eyes, just keeping him in his strong embrace, before drying him in the towel. Naruto wouldn't resist: he would just lay his cheek on his friend's chest and listen to the calming sound of his beating heart. His arms around him were never faltering. It was so comforting.

Then Kakashi would sit him down on the toilet and give him a new pair of boxers. Naruto would put them on while Kakashi would be politely looking away, and then he would help him put on a shirt. And then at last, he would lift him back into his arms to take him back into bed.

He was doing everything for Naruto. And Naruto was devastated.

"I can't believe...I can't believe you...have to do all of this...I'm so sorry ttebayo..." he said, getting out of the toilet one day, and collapsing into Kakashi's open arms.

Kakashi lifted him up into his arms and craddled him tenderly against his chest.

"Don't you apologize, I already told you that. You saved my life, Naruto, that's why you are living Hell right now. And I'm here to help you through this."

"I...I would do it again..."

"What?"

"Save your life, ttebayo..." Naruto whispered before falling asleep again, his nose buried in Kakashi's neck.

It kept going on, and Sakura would come everyday to check his vitals and talk with Kakashi. Sai was almost always with her. When Naruto was awake, he was glad to see them, even though he was ashamed of the state he was in.

Although Kakashi, desperate, was telling Sakura how much Naruto suffered, she kept explaining him that she was confident and that his chakra was on the right way of being fully reconstructed. Then she would leave for her night shifts, again ordering Kakashi to call her if ever he needed anything. Sai would lay his hand on Kakashi's shoulder and tell him that he too was there should he need anything.

The pain kept increasing.

And on the fifth night, it got so intense that, as Sakura had foreseen it, Naruto lost his mind.

Kakashi was washing the blonde's clothes when he heard him wake up screaming. He dashed towards the bedroom and rushed at Naruto's side. His young friend's eyes were huge, and Kakashi felt as he was looking at a wild, terrified animal. His pupils were awfully dilated.

But that's when he opened his mouth to speak that Kakashi felt his heart stop.

"W..Where am I...ttebayo...Who...who are you?" Naruto whimpered.

God. He had never seen Naruto's eyes so lost. At this precise moment, Kakashi could see the pure, raw fear and suffering Naruto had buried deep inside himself, the fear and pain of an abandoned child, left to his own devices. Kakashi had never seen that fearful, desperate child. In the space of one single night, the light had flickered to let Naruto's darkest scars come to the surface, the proud, cheerful and brave man he had become had faded before the damned soul, bound to a terrible curse since he was born.

"Ma, it's me, Kakashi...I'm your friend...You're safe, you're in my home...", Kakashi said, tenderly caressing his burning forehead.

Naruto threw his head backwards and let out a horrible howl of pain.

"AAAAAAAHAAAAAA GOD WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH?!" Naruto cried, tears springing out from his eyes.

"All right, all right, hang on, I'm going to help you", Kakashi said, caressing his hair.

It was high time he killed the pain with Sakura's remedy.

Suddenly Naruto let out a savage roar, violently repelling Kakashi's hand. Kakashi's eyes widened when he saw Naruto's ones.

They had turned red.

"Naruto...!"

But the blonde couldn't hear him anymore. His teeth were coming out dangerously from his mouth, and he was snarling, his eyes wild, his mouth twisted in a growl. He was curling up against the wall, his expression fierce, like a tracked animal.

"Naruto, it's all right, I'm not going to hurt you." Kakashi said very gently, reaching out his hand slowly.

Please, let Sakura be right about Kyuubi being too weak to get out, Kakashi prayed. The sight of Naruto's red eyes and growing teeth were most worrisome. He wondered if he should call Yamato. But he told himself that if Naruto was already scared of him, he shouldn't have anyone else intervene or it could degenerate quite quickly.

No. Kakashi was going to take care of this alone. He had told Sakura he would be there for Naruto, and he would be true to his word.

"Naruto, listen to me. It's me, Kakashi. You're safe. I know you're in pain..."

Naruto kept looking at him, snarling like a beast.

His nails were growing longer too.

Kakashi saw an opening when Naruto whimpered again, his face contorted in pain, ripping the skin of his arms apart.

Kakashi took advantage of that brief moment to reach the bedside table where he had put the needle.

But he wasn't fast enough.

As soon as he approached the table, Naruto growled and threw his arm in the air. His claws reached Kakashi's arm and made a deep gash, making the man fall back against the wall, holding his arm to him.

Oh boy, that was going to take time.

But he didn't have time. He knew how much Naruto suffered and seeing him curling up on himself, tearing his skin apart, whimpering and growling, his eyes wide with madness was unbearable.

He hated the idea of using force on Naruto, but he didn't have any choice.

He had to act very quickly.

Ignoring the pain in his arm, he made quick hand signs.

"Kage bunshin no jutsu!"

Three clones appeared.

Naruto's eyes flared, and he let out a shallow, dark growl.

"Okay boys. NOW!"

The three clones dived on Naruto who fought like a lion, biting and scratching, his eyes full of a ferocity Kakashi had never seen. While one of his clones succeeded in slipping behind Naruto, wrapping his arms and legs around him, the two others were immobilizing his arms. The real Kakashi dived on the bedside table, opened the drawer and got the needle out.

He was sweating.

On the bed, the clones were struggling with a demonic Naruto, who was howling in anger, pain and fear. His strength was unbelievable, and his aura was growing darker and darker.

God, he's getting out.

Naruto threw one of Kakashi's clones against the wall so hard it made a crack. He caught the second by his throat and sent him fly into the room as well. And at last, with a scream of utter rage, he got free of the last one behind him by grabbing him by his hair, knocking him over his head, and planting his teeth in his throat, making him disappear in a poof like the two others.

Then he stood up on the bed, and with utter horror, Kakashi saw it at last.

Kyuubi's mantle.

"No...Naruto! Fight it! NARUTO!"

The bubbling, burning red fog was starting to envelop the blonde, whose eyes tinted with a hartred so deep Kakashi felt his heart freeze.

Kakashi prepared to conjure Pakkun to go get Yamato, thinking he had no other choice. Yamato was the only one with the power to stop a kyuubified Naruto.

But before he had time to conjure his nindog, Naruto let out a howl of pain and collapsed again on the bed. The fiery mantle seemed to fade out around him.

Sakura had been right: his chakra was way too disturbed. Kyuubi could not get out.

But Kakashi didn't have time to rejoice.

Naruto's body became horribly stiff, his muscles so tense Kakashi thought the veins were going to explode.

At his utter horror, , the blonde's eyes rolled up.

He started convulsing violently.

"Oh God...No!"

Kakashi rushed forward and threw himself on the bed, taking Naruto into his arms and preventing him from swallowing his tongue.

"No, Naruto...my love, don't do this! DON'T DO THIS!"

He was running out of time. He had to make the injection or he would die with Naruto.

"Kage bunshin no jutsu!"

Another clone appeared again.

"HOLD HIM STILL! RIGHT NOW!" Kakashi screamed.

"Hai!"

The clone obeyed his twin's orders and encircled Naruto from behind, making sure Naruto was in a sitting position. He pinned his arms at his sides and encircled his waist with his legs. His heart racing, the real Kakashi tore Naruto's shirt open.

"Hang on, baby, please, hang on..."he said, not even realizing what words were leaving his mouth.

Naruto's convulsions were getting worse by the minute, and he started drooling. Behind him, Kakashi's clone cast a panicked look at his twin:

"What are you waiting for! Inject the damn thing! We're losing him!"

Kakashi didn't need to be told twice. He straddled Naruto's body and raised the huge needle with both his hands. The sensation was horrible. He was going to stab him right through the heart. He never thought he would ever do such a thing to the love of his life.

"DO IT ALREADY!" The clone yelled.

And with a desperate roar, Kakashi plunged the needle right in Naruto's heart. It brought Naruto back to consciousness immediately. He stopped convulsing but let out such a scream that Kakashi thought it would haunt him for the rest of his life. But it was not over yet. Sakura had said he had to inject all the liquid, and there was a hell of a lot of it. While Naruto struggled, all his face contorted in pain, Kakashi, sweating hard, started to push the liquid into Naruto's system, making pauses between two thrusts as Sakura had told him. Behind Naruto, the clone was clinging for dear life, overpowering him into his strong arms, covering his hair with kisses.

"Okay, I'm almost done...I'm almost done, Naruto..."

At this moment, the whimper that came out of Naruto's lips crushed Kakashi's heart.

"Kakashi...Kakashi sensei...Why are you doing this to me ttebayo...I thought...I thought you were my friend...", he said, tears running on his cheeks, raising huge, betrayed red eyes to Kakashi.

"Oh, Naruto chan..." Kakashi said, his voice full of sorrow.

Damn it. He had to come back to lucidity right when Kakashi was planting a huge needle in his heart, straddling his body while another one was imprisoning him from behind.

"I know it hurts, my bab...my precious Naruto-chan, but I'm trying to help you. I'm almost done there, please...bear with me..." Kakashi said, holding the still half full needle with his left hand while he used the right one to caress Naruto's face and wipe the sweat on his forehead, the tears on his cheeks. Behind the blonde, the clone brought his arms up around Naruto's chest and held him tighter, with all the tenderness he was capable of. Tenderly, he wiped the saliva that had poured down on the blonde chin.

"Shhh, it's gonna be over soon. I promise darl...err Naruto-chan." he said, kissing his hair.

But then Naruto saw the deep gash on Kakashi's arm, and his eyes widened, horrified.

In that brief moment of lucidity, he understood he was the one who had hurt him.

And he burst into uncontrollable tears.

"Oh God...I'm...I'm so...I'm so sorry K...Kakashi tt...ttebayo...I'm s..."

He couldn't even finish his sentence. As his eyes were turning back to blue, a his teeth and his nails were going back to normal, the blonde started to sob inconsolably.

"Oh, Naruto..." Kakashi breathed out, devastated.

He took one of his clones hands to keep the needle straight in Naruto's chest, while he took Naruto's tear-strained face into his tall hands and brought their noses together.

"Shhh, it's okay, I'm fine Naruto. It wasn't you. Shhh, please don't cry...Please..."

He laid a long, tender kiss on Naruto's forehead, but the blonde was still shaking with painful, harrowing sobs.

"It's okay...it wasn't you..." Kakashi breathed against Naruto's skin.

He remained there for a couple of seconds, listening to Naruto's sobs, but soon he reluctanctly let go of him. He had to keep pouring the liquid into his heart. He took the needle back from his clone's hands, while the latter encircled his arms tighter against the shaking boy. He took over on Kakashi's soothing, and stroked Naruto's hair while he shushed in his ear, telling him over and over again that it wasn't his fault.

And after a few minutes that seemed like an eternity, the needle was fully emptied in Naruto's heart. So he took it off of his chest and threw it behind him, moving from his straddled position over Naruto's body.

"Maa, it's over, it's over...Shhhhhh..., Kakashi said, wiping the tears on his cheeks, Okay don't let go, he said to the clone, I'll get bandages for his arms."

"I'm not letting go..." The clone whispered, his eyes closed while he was rocking Naruto from behind, covering his hair, his ear and his temple with light, loving kisses.

The Copy ninja rushed to the bathroom, and rummaged through his cupboards, throwing everything on the floor, until he found what he needed. He could hear Naruto sobbing harder and harder in his clone's arms.

"God, let the product act quickly...Please let him rest, don't make him suffer anymore... I can't stand it." he prayed to any divine entity that could be listening to him.

Then he rushed back to the bedroom with bandages and alcohol in his hands to clean the wounds Naruto had made, tearing the skin off of his forearms.

"Yare yare! Your forearms will never heal at this rate..." he sighed.

Kakashi poured a little bit of alcohol on a piece of cotton.

"Okay I'm sorry Naru-chan, that's gonna hurt a bit. But you have gone through the worst now, I promise".

But Naruto seemed in another world. Once again, he had forgotten where he was and who were those men. While Kakashi was tending to his wounds, he was looking around, completely lost, and his entire body was shaking with heart wrenching sobs. After the hartred and the fury, his eyes were now nothing more than two pools of mental and physical pain. His tears seemed to be carrying the weight of so many years of loneliness that Kakashi almost thought he could see himself in them. The distress in his eyes was as vast as the most immense desert, it was vertiginous, devastating. Kakashi couldn't stand it.

Then Naruto started hallucinating again, babbling incoherently through his hiccups.

"I don't want to be alone again. Please don't leave me alone in the dark. Please...Stay with me...Don't fear me...", he gasped between long, heartfelt sobs.

For the umpteenth time that night, Kakashi's heart shattered to pieces. He exchanged an appalled look with his clone.

"Mattaku..."the clone said, hugging Naruto tighter to him.

The real Kakashi took Naruto's hand into his and just listening to his heart, knowing that Naruto wouldn't remember, he bent down and pressed his lips on Naruto's cheek, just at the corner of his mouth, closing his eyes, kissing him with all the tenderness he was capable of, pressing his masked face against Naruto's. He could feel the boy's closed eye under his nose, his tears under his lips, and Naruto kept shaking, gasping with sobs. Very tenderly, Kakashi kept laying long, tender kisses on his face, shushing him between each one of them.

He would have given anything to kiss his lips.

But he couldn't bring himself to do it.

Even if Naruto would not remember, he already felt like he was taking advantage of the young man while he was vulnerable and he hated it, and kissing him on the lips would be so symbolic that he couldn't bear to do it while Naruto's mind was so messed up.

"Shhhh...*kiss*...I'm with you, Naruto... *kiss*...Shhh...*kiss*...I will never leave you, never *kiss*...Naruto do you hear me? Please, hear me...I'm here, I'm right here...", he said, wiping his tears with his thumb.

It was not enough. Naruto couldn't hear him, he kept crying with such despair he was smashing Kakashi's heart to pieces.

"I won't hurt you I swear...I'm sorry...stop looking at me like that...all of you...please...I'm...I'm not a monster ttebayo...I don't want to be a monster..."Naruto hiccuped, new tears sliding down his cheeks.

His body tensed up again under the pain, as Sakura's remedy hadn't worked yet, and he winced.

"Easy, easy, baby..." Kakashi whispered, his heart speaking for him, stroking Naruto's hair.

Naruto growled in pain,digging his nails in Kakashi's hands, making him bleed again, but Kakashi didn't care. He would have given anything, anything to take Naruto's place in this nightmare. His own eyes were also full of tears. The sight of his most precious love trapped in that kind of suffering was horrible. But he refused to cry. He had to be strong for him, he had to be Naruto's anchor to the real world. He had to prevent him from falling into the pit of madness.

"Don't leave me alone...I don't want to be alone anymore...I'm cold...I'm so cold inside..." Naruto hiccoughed between his sobs.

His eyes were those of a frightened child who had been unfairly treated with coldness and hartred for years, letting him starving for a kind look, for a warm hand, for a gentle smile. He could see the little boy curled up on himself in an attempt to get the warmth the world was refusing him. He could see the innocent eyes which didn't understand the resentment, the narrow-mindedness, the ungratefulness of the adults. He could feel the darkness that scared him so much when he reflected himself in those eyes full of hartred and contempt.

But Kakashi was here now. And he would never let Naruto starve again for affection.

So he finished cleaning Naruto's wounds and put some alcohol on the deep gash on his own arm, wincing a little from the stinging sensation. Then he put everything on the floor and took off his shirt. He was dying to hug Naruto so tight his silhouette would remain inlaid in his skin forever. He hoped that pressing him to his bare skin and letting him breathe his smell, feel his warmth, would be as efficient in calming him down as it had been when he was in a coma.

"Come here in my arms. Come on." he said holding out both his arms towards Naruto, his hands wide open, offering him his bare chest as a shelter of love and warmth.

And as Kakashi's clone was tightly holding Naruto from behind, the real Kakashi embraced the blonde with all his might, crushing Naruto's face to his bare chest, wrapping his legs around him. Behind Naruto, the clone whispered tenderly in the boy's ear, wrapping his legs around him as well. Kakashi pushed his chest into Naruto's face, and the clone used his own torso to push the back of the young man's head and wedge his nose and lips between the real Kakashi's strong and warm pectorals, and Kakashi flexed them enough to craddle Naruto's face between them but without suffocating him.

"Okay I'm here, it's over, he said closing his eyes, breathe, breathe me Naruto, it's me. It's me, Kakashi. Shhh, it's okay...it's over...it's over...shhh..."

Then both Kakashis wrapped their muscled arms around each other to squeeze Naruto tight between them, so that the blonde disappeared completely into their bodies, his face wedged deep in Kakashi's chest so that he couldn't move.

"I'm here, I'm here, I'm here..." Kakashi kept repeating.

Naruto was still twisting, muffled whimpers coming from Kakashi's chest.

"I know, I know...The pain will be over soon...Shhh..." the real Kakashi said, showering Naruto's hair with kisses.

What he didn't know is that his smell and his embrace did reach Naruto trapped far within his own mind. What he didn't know is that in his delusion, Naruto was clinging to him with all his strength, and it did help him bear the pain that was making his body explode. In a world of blood and terror, Naruto was fighting against the fire that was overwhelming him. He was feeling himself being dragged deeper and deeper in the vortex of pain, making him lose who he was.

And he was clinging to the voice, and to the smell, the same voice and smell than those which had already saved him once.

"I'm here, shhh...I'm here..." said the real Kakashi.

Keep talking to me. Keep holding me. Don't let me fall.

"Maa, I've got you...shh..."said the clone.

They both kissed his hair again and again, without ever faltering their embrace, trapping him between their chests.

"Shh..I'm here..."

Naruto's body tensed up under a new wave of pain, and he let out a muffled scream in Kakashi's chest.

The fire was dragging him down again. It was attacking his brain, crushing him down.

"It's okay, it's okay...It will be over soon...Sakura's remedy will ease the pain any time now...Hold on...I've got you in my arms, I've got you."

He felt overwhelmed by darkness again. He was fading out.

"I don't want to disappear...Don't let me disappear...", Naruto managed to say in a muffled whisper.

And Kakashi pulled down his mask to crush his bare lips on Naruto's ear, kissing him with all his heart.

"I'm holding you tight in my arms, you're not going anywhere. I've got four arms and two chests to hold you here. Nothing can get you in there. And I won't let you go, ever." he said in his ear, running his hands through his hair. He hugged him tighter and keept kissing his hair, his ear, his temple, rocking him, shushing him, not leaving a single space of air between them, and behind Naruto, Kakashi's clone was doing the same.

And it worked.

In his prison of pain, where he had lost his entire identity, Naruto finally saw something, far, far away.

"Who am I..."

" Your name is Uzumaki Naruto..."

The light was coming closer.

My name...Uzumaki Naruto...

Yes...Yes...I remember.

"What am I..."

"You are my friend, my family..."

I have a friend, a family.

I have someone to love, and who loves me in return.

The pain was starting to fade out before the light which was slowly engulfing Naruto, bringing him back from oblivion.

"Where am I..."

"I'm holding you tight into my chest, and we are in my home which is your home."

My home...

That smell...That voice...

I remember you...

I remember your name...

And suddenly his heart made a lurch.

Even before he asked, he knew the answer.

He remembered why he felt so safe in his arms, why he loved his smell so much, why he knew he could nestle deep within his chest.

He remembered why he loved his voice so much.

"I don't want to forget you, I wan't to stay with you", he had cried once, when that man had saved him from the darkness.

"In time, you will remember", the voice had answered.

And now he remembered.

He remembered who that man was.

"Who...Who are you..."

"I am Hatake Kakashi, I am your friend, your family..."

And you are my everything, Kakashi sighed in his mind.

You are my absolute everything, he thought, kissing his hair, burying his face in it.

And in Naruto's world, the light finally won, and his heart cried with emotion.

Kakashi.

And clinging to Kakashi, burying his face into his pectorals, breathing his smell until he could drown in it, Naruto fell asleep, knowing that this time, he would remember.

In the real world, it had taken at least two hours for the pain to fade out. Kakashi could feel Naruto calm down gradually, while he and his clone kept hugging him without ever weakening. When finally, Naruto's sobs had died down, replaced by a regular, steady breathing that was slowly caressing the valley between Kakashi's muscled pectorals, the silver-haired jounin let out a long sigh. God he was exhausted.

But it was over.

Naruto had gone through the worst.

He raised his head and smiled to his clone.

"Ma, we did a good job there."

"Hai, captain...But that was close. I really thought Kyuubi was getting out for a moment there", the clone answered.

"Hai...I'm glad Sakura was right. It would have been such a mess..."

And Naruto would certainly have died, he thought painfully, kissing the sleeping blonde's forehead while Naruto was slightly snoring inside his chest.

"You can go now. I'm going to sleep for entire days with that beautiful young man in my arms." Kakashi said.

"Wakatta yo. Take care of him for me, all right?"

"Forever." Kakashi whispered.

The clone smiled and disappeared in a poof.

Slowly, Kakashi pulled back a little, releasing Naruto's face from his pectorals. Naruto whimpered a little in his sleep, wrapping his arms around Kakashi to keep his face buried in his warmth.

"Hang on...", Kakashi murmured.

He took his shirt and tenderly wiped the tears, snot and saliva on his Naruto's face. Then he dried his own drenched chest with the shirt, before throwing it on the ground and turning back his attention on Naruto.

"Okay, all set for the night. Come back here.", Kakashi cooed.

He tucked Naruto's face back between his pectorals, before laying down in the bed, taking him with him. There, both men wrapped themselves around each other, Naruto unconsiously clinging to him with all his strength, and Kakashi kissing his hair, his temple and his ear for long minutes. He had missed spending entire nights hugging Naruto to him, his nose and lips buried deep in his skin, right on top of his beating heart. As if he was completely his. As if nothing could ever happen to that precious being while he was hidden there, in his chest. He kissed his temple again, then pulled his mask back up, and laid his cheek on his hair. He held him with so much tenderness a mother would have been jealous, and he smiled when he felt Naruto sigh deeply inside his chest.

And with that smile on his lips, he followed his love in the land of dreams, not realizing that Naruto had sighed something, deep within his chest, whispering to Kakashi's heart.

He had sighed four words.

Four very specific words.

...

"I love you, Kakashi".


	8. The Daily Routine

**Chapter Eighth - The Daily Routine**

Knock knock knock.

...

Knock knock knock.

...

"Senseii?" A feminine voice called from outside.

Sakura, for it was her of course coming to check on her boys, waited for a few minutes for Kakashi to come open to her.

But he didn't come.

Frowning, she looked at her watch.

Eleven AM.

Okay needless to say, Kakashi wasn't a man to sleep so late.

If he was a man to sleep at all.

Sakura had to give him drugs sometimes to put him to sleep when he was taking mission after mission, coming back in dreadful states. She really hated when he did that. When he wasn't dragged half dead by his comrades to the hospital, Kakashi would always poof right on her doorstep and grin like an idiot when she opened the door, to find him covered in blood and scratching his head.

"Ma, hello Sakura chan."

"WHY THE HELL AREN'T YOU IN HOSPITAL?"

"Because you're here, obviously!" Kakashi would answer.

"You know there are a lot of other people called medic nins in the hospital!"

"Yes but you are the best of them all" Kakashi would coo, blood dripping from his hair.

"All right shut the hell up and come in" Sakura would huffle.

She knew how much Kakashi adored to be taken care of even though she knew he would die before admitting it. In addition to be particularly fond of Sakura's gentle, motherly touch, he hated hospitals too much to go there unless he really didn't have a choice.

That was one of the reasons why he had insisted to take care of Naruto himself. He hated hospitals so much that he couldn't bear the idea of Naruto suffering in a cold, clinical room.

Sakura snapped out of her thoughts and decided to enter Kakashi's house. She opened the door and stepped inside, carefully.

"Sensei? Naruto?" She asked gently.

No answer.

The house seemed normal though. She put down the bag of groceries and medication she had brought, and started investigating. Until she arrived at the bathroom, she was simply puzzled. But when she saw the wreckage in Kakashi's bathroom, cupboards spilled on the floor, traces of blood on the sink, she started panicking.

"Oh my god...Kakashi!" She cried out.

She dashed to the bedroom and burst in...

And stopped right on her tracks.

The sight she had in front of her was enough to make the fiercest monster purr in tenderness.

They were both sleeping, pressed tightly against each other. Naruto was nestled deep within Kakashi's long, muscled arms which were tightly wrapped around his shoulders, while his legs were enveloping the blonde's body. Naruto's arms were encircling Kakashi's bare waist, and Sakura noticed his forearms were covered in bloody bandages. She came closer until she could see Naruto's face.

"Aww..." She let out softly.

Naruto's nose and lips were literally hidden in the valley between Kakashi muscled pectorals. He stirred a little in his sleep, raising his face from Kakashi's chest, and Sakura held her breath, not wanting to wake them up. But Kakashi sighed and prevented Naruto from leaving his arms, gently grabbing the back of his head and tenderly forcing his face back into his warm prison, whispering in his sleep:

"Shhh..."

Then he encircled his head with his arms, and Naruto's face disappeared even deeper between his pectorals, which the Copy Ninja flexed tenderly around his face to keep him trapped in there, literally swallowing him in his strong, protective chest.

And under Sakura's surprised eyes, Kakashi, although still asleep, laid a very long, tender kiss into Naruto's hair, then on his temple, then he shushed again in his ear, before wrapping his legs tighter around him and laying his masked cheek on the top of his hair.

Sakura watched them.

And it hit her like a Raikiri.

Kakashi was deeply in love with Naruto.

The events of these past weeks came back to her mind. Kakashi's immense distress on the battlefield, crushing a dead Naruto to his shaking chest. Kakashi's utmost devotion to Naruto's side throughout the days. Kakashi's pensive, nostalgic eyes. Kakashi's sudden, increased tenderness towards them all. Kakashi's passionate eyes when he told her firmly he wanted to be there for Naruto.

Yes. No doubt. Kakashi was in love with Naruto.

And seeing the way Naruto was clinging to him, hiding his face in his chest, she could only assume he, too, was in love.

Sakura thought for a minute. She had trouble putting words on what she felt. She was torn between nostalgia, fear and satisfaction. Nostalgia because she wished there was someone out there to hold her the way Kakashi held Naruto. Her mind flew to Sasuke... He would never have held her with such tenderness, such devotion. Then fear because she didn't know how the others would take it... She was afraid people would try to separate them or start speaking evil of them. Konoha was a peaceful village, but a lot of people were still quite narrow minded... Just seeing the way they had treated Naruto when he was a little boy was enough to make such an assessment.

But above all, she felt satisfied and happy. Both of these men were her best, dearest friends, and both of them had suffered so much through their lives. Both of them had known true loneliness. Kakashi had been closing his heart for a long time, and seeing him displaying such an incredible passion for the first time was something she had always hoped she would see before dying.

And Naruto... Well even though Naruto had always kept, or at least tried to keep high spirits, never giving up, Sakura could only guess how tiring it had to be to always take everything on one's shoulders. Naruto was always, always doing his absolute maximum for the others...covering them with love and affection. But he was alone in his heart, he had always been. Actually...she was not innocent of that. Naruto had been having a crush on her for a long time but she never gave him what he wanted. She realized now that even if she had never given him her heart, all Naruto had been asking for during all these years was a little bit of physical affection. And the way he was currently burrowing in Kakashi's strong pectorals, like a hungry kitten seeking warmth and love, made her see the real, deep Naruto, concealing himself behind the shining hero.

Naruto craved for affection.

He never had anyone to hold him tenderly and chase away his nightmares. And she couldn't think of anyone better at this job than her former sensei, the strong, calm and powerful Hatake Kakashi. He was the perfect person to calm Naruto's incredible temper, to soothe him and hold him tight when no one was watching. And on the other side, Naruto was the best person ever to break through Kakashi's defenses. He was the best person to bring light and life to the arid land of Kakashi's dead, battered heart. Because Kakashi had said it better than anyone: Naruto had a gift. The gift to make the impossible come true. The gift to make everyone love him.

And he had even succeeded in stealing Kakashi's heart.

Sakura's eyes filled with moved tears. She felt stupid, but at this moment she wanted to jump on them and hug them tight and tell them how much she loved them and how much she was happy for them. But she thought it wouldn't be very appropriate, since she was pretty sure that the only obstacle to Kakashi and Naruto's love for the moment was actually themselves. She was sure that none of them had told the other how they felt.

"Yare yare..." She sighed.

Slowly, very gently, she leaned on and laid a very very delicate kiss on Kakashi's hair, and she caressed Naruto's arm around Kakashi's waist as Kakashi was jealously hiding Naruto's head in his pectorals, under his arms. She admired the beautiful combination of the calm, wise, constant silver protecting the exuberant, shining gold, like a jewel frame encasing a golden nugget.

Yes, they were perfect for each other.

She smiled and decided she would come by later to check on them and examine Naruto's arms. From what she could see, it had been a rough night. The wall was cracked, bandages and a bottle of alcohol were scattered on the floor, and Kakashi's arm had a nasty, deep gash on it. Slightly worried, she brought her face closer to examine it. It was not infected, but Sakura decided to apply some of her chakra on it anyway.

Silently, as slowly as she could, she placed her hands on the wound, while Kakashi's arm was slightly rising and falling as both the boys were sleeping, breathing in rhythm, like a silent love song that didn't need words. Her green chakra envelopped her friend's forearm, and the wound started to close slowly.

When she was done, she stood up and smiled. It had been a rough night, but as she had suspected, Kakashi had done a very good job.

After all, he was Hatake Kakashi.

Walking on her toes, she left the sleeping love birds. Before going she left the groceries on the kitchen table, writing a note to Kakashi telling him that she would be back later to explain how the last part of Naruto's treatment was supposed to be going.

"You both have gone through the worst. Don't worry, it's almost over. Thank you for watching over him so well, Kakashi sensei. With love, Sakura." She wrote after her instructions.

Before leaving though, she put some order back in the bathroom, because she couldn't help it, and she cleaned the blood on the sink. Then she left, carefully closing the door behind her.

When Kakashi woke up, his first reflex was to check if Naruto was still breathing.

Yes...he could feel his steady breath against his skin.

Still not moving, keeping the man encased in his tender prison, Kakashi blinked. The sun already seemed high in the sky. It had to be late.

He looked down at his young love and smiled fondly. Naruto's wrists had ended up curled against his chest, into which his face was hidden.

He was so cute.

But Kakashi didn't want him to wake up finding his face buried in his chest. He didn't know how he would react, and Kakashi didn't want him to be disgusted or embarrassed. So before letting go of him, Kakashi squeezed him one last time tight with his arms wrapped closely around him, pushing his face even further between his pectorals and covering his hair with light, discrete but devoted kisses. When Naruto whimpered a little deep inside his chest, Kakashi loosened his embrace, not wanting to suffocate him. Then he slowly let go of him, preparing to get up. Naruto whimpered again, searching for him. Kakashi laid a hand in his blonde hair, caressing his skull.

"Daijoubu, Naruto. I'm not going far."he shushed.

He stroked him a little longer, then slowly, very slowly, he raised on his feet and went to the door.

When he arrived in the living room, a familiar smell tickled his nose.

A flowery perfume.

Sakura was here not long ago.

That was also when he noticed that his arm had no more deep cut, and that his bathroom was clean and tidy.

He smiled, his heart filling again with warmth for the kunoichi. He went to the table to see what she had left him and carefully read her instructions.

But then he froze.

She was there.

She had most certainly seen him hugging Naruto. He blushed behind his mask...

Had she figured out Kakashi's feelings?

It was just a hug...

Oh all right, maybe a very suggestive hug...

Kakashi thought for a moment.

What if she knew?

He couldn't decide what he was feeling. He was torn between shame and relief. After all, Sakura was one of his closest friends. They knew so much about each other. Sakura had always told him when she had a crush on someone.

If she had indeed figured out his feelings for their young friend, then maybe he felt relieved, like if his secret was not so heavy to bear anymore.

Well maybe he would never know.

He was torn out of his reflection by a voice coming from the bedroom.

"Kaka-chan...?"

"Yes my lo...err Naruto chan, I'm coming!" he answered.

And tucking Sakura in a corner of his mind, he went to take care of his cherished blonde.

There was still one more month before Naruto's treatment was officially over. The next four days after the most terrible night Naruto had ever lived went by rather peacefully. Although Naruto vomited again sometimes, the pain had subdued drastically and he was more and more capable of standing and walking on his own. As the days went by, Kakashi and him resumed their routine, and soon Sakura even authorized Kakashi to make Naruto do some exercice. He had lost some weight and muscle, so Kakashi had to rehabilitate him. At first, they would just walk around in Kakashi's house, arm-in-arm. And after a few days, Kakashi decided that it was high time Naruto went outside. So he took him for a walk in the forest.

When he saw the look of plenitude on Naruto's tired features, the way he was grinning, spreading his arms wide, closing his eyes as he let the rays of the sun caress his face, Kakashi smiled fondly.

Naruto was happy again.

His everlasting cheekiness and high spirits were coming back out from the dark woods, and Kakashi felt his heart warm up as if it was exposed again to the fire at the core of winter. Both of them took the habit of having long walks in nature together, talking a lot, laughing like idiots. God, Naruto made Kakashi feel so young. He was so funny, so full of life. And while the boy kept talking without ever stopping, Kakashi would just look at him from behind his mask, registering every one of his features in his heart and mind.

Naruto was truly a handsome man. His golden hair needed a serious cut but they fell like a mane on his strong neck. His immense, incredible blue eyes were sparkling under the sun. His shining, white teeth formed the smile of young Apollo not even aware of his own beauty, and of the power of his smile over Kakashi's hidden heart.

While Naruto was holding his ribs, throwing his head backwards, roaring with laughter, just simply happy to be alive, Kakashi would silently wish that moment would last forever. He would gladly give his life just to watch Naruto from the shadows, merely contemplating him. He would condemn his own soul to everlasting torment just to encase that scene under a glass dome and freeze it in time.

His love for the boy was so powerful it scared him.

He hadn't been used to love so much, so much it was alienating, so much it made all his body vibrate in passion, so much it made his heart throb painfully in his chest, so much it made his throat tighten at the thought that these were privileged moments, and that soon he would have to let Naruto go.

And above all, Kakashi was ashamed. He was ashamed because he was so grateful for Naruto's life, and yet he hadn't been capable of respecting his vow. But as the days went by, Kakashi would just tell himself that he didnt want to think about that now. For now he just wanted to live the moments he had with Naruto to their fullest, knowing that it might never happen again.

What he didn't know, was that on his side, Naruto too was troubled.

He had remembered.

During that terrible night he had remembered what Kakashi had done for him when he was in a coma. He realized he had saved him. He realized he had been at his side at all times.

And in Naruto's heart, something had awaken.

He truly enjoyed Kakashi's company. Actually he had always loved his company: the man was calm, wise, and he was a damn genius. Naruto thought it was annoying sometimes: after all, Kakashi always had the answer for everything. The man just knew everything, and he was good at everything he did. He was too damn perfect. But Naruto had always admired Kakashi deeply. He had always looked up to him as his mentor, and now as a dear, very dear friend. Actually, as he had told Kakashi himself, he truly felt the man was part of his family. Like Iruka, though maybe in a more discrete way, Kakashi had always watched over him.

But the last weeks had changed something. Or at least, it had pushed that something further. Naruto had been deeply touched by the absolute devotion Kakashi had displayed. He was still a little bit embarrassed to evoke the last events, even though he didn't remember everything. But Kakashi had awaken something much, much stronger in Naruto's heart. And the boy didn't know what that something was precisely. But he felt safe when Kakashi was around. He loved to talk to him all day, as Kakashi's patience and attention were infinite, as legendary as the man himself. Naruto loved to make him laugh, because he adored the sound of the copy ninja's deep voice rolling in his throat, the way his eyes were closing in a happy smile, or the way his nose was wrinkling under his mask when he laughed hard. He had rarely seen Kakashi laugh truly, and as the days went by, Naruto thought he was getting better and better at it. He started longing again to see Kakashi's face under the mask, like when he was younger, but this time it was for deeper reasons.

He wished to see his face because he truly wanted to see Kakashi happy. He wanted to see his smile. He wanted to see all his features shine when he laughed. He didn't even care whether his sensei was actually handsome or not. Deep in his heart, even now with his mask, Naruto thought that Kakashi was the most beautiful man he had ever met.

And the days would slowly go by.

Kakashi and Naruto were just at peace together. Even though Naruto was regaining his strength, Kakashi would always be careful and attentive to every little pain or need he might have.

One day, they started sparring again.

Naruto was excited.

"Okay I'm ready Kaka-chan, just throw everything you have at me!"

"Maa! Calm down Naruto, this is just a mere warm-up. I just want to evaluate your rehabilitation. Let's start only with simple taijutsu: don't use your kage bunshins".

"Ouuuss!" Naruto yelled, before throwing kunais at Kakashi.

The silver haired man dodged them with agility and blocked Naruto's wrist which was coming right at his face. They exchanged a series of blows and parades. While fighting him, Kakashi was analyzing his movements with an expert eye.

He was undeniably slower, and but he managed to stand up to Kakashi's moves thanks to his unpredictability and his cunning. He used feints, and lured Kakashi into dodging a hit while he was preparing to land another one precisely where Kakashi would be at the end of his avoidance movement. Even weaker, Kakashi felt his heart fill with pride at seeing again how talentuous a shinobi Naruto had become.

But Naruto was growing impatient. He hated to lose.

He decided to disobey Kakashi again.

He backflipped from his mentor, landing a few feet from him, and formed hand signs, his mouth twisted in a smirk.

Kakashi's eyes widened when he understood what Naruto was going to do.

"Naruto, I said no!"

"KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!"

Something appeared in a poof... but it wasn't a clone.

It was a pile of dead, shapeless members.

Naruto fell to the ground, wincing in pain, clutching his heart.

"Naruto!" Kakashi rushed forward.

He kneeled beside Naruto.

"Daijoubu ka, Naruto?!" he asked, worried, placing a hand on Naruto's back.

The blonde didn't answer. His eyes were closed, and he was breathing with difficulty. Kakashi's worry made him angry at Naruto's stubbornness.

"I told you not to use ninjutsu, Naruto, when the hell will you listen?" he snapped.

But when Naruto looked at him with his eyes full of disappointment and frustration, Kakashi's anger melt like an ice cube under the sun.

"Ma, it's okay. Come here." he said taking Naruto into his arms, pressing his face into his chest.

He squeezed him tight in his embrace and tangled his hand in the blonde hair.

"Don't be disappointed, Naru-chan, I told you it was still early. Don't push yourself. Take the time to heal and recover your capacities."

Naruto didn't say anything, and Kakashi decided to make fun of the situation to light the atmosphere and disperse the dark clouds that had come over Naruto's mind.

"Ma, you have done pretty well you know, I didn't even get the chance to pull out my book! Now I'm frustrated."

And it worked. Naruto chuckled in his chest, and Kakashi smiled, proud of himself.

"Okay let's stop by Ichiraku's on our way home, you deserved it." Kakashi said, standing on his feet.

Naruto had felt his heart fill with intense warmth, but he suspected the perspective of his favorite ramen was not the only in cause.

Kakashi had said "on our way home".

And deep inside, he loved when Kakashi said that. These weeks were special because for the first time in his life, Naruto knew he wouldn't be alone when going home.

Someone was waiting for him, someone was living with him.

And it was worth all the frustrations, all the aches and pains, all the sufferings of the world.

They started doing everything together, like going for groceries. As soon as they entered the shop on the first time they went together, Naruto headed automatically towards the ramens, as he was always doing when he used to live alone. But Kakashi grabbed the boy by his collar.

"Maa, where do you think you are going, young man?"

Naruto looked at him with surprised eyes.

"Well...I'm going to buy my usual ramen, why?"

Kakashi shook his head, chuckling. He took Naruto's face in his hands and turned it towards the fruits and vegetables section.

"THIS is where we're going".

"AWW COME ON KAKASHI TTEBAYO!" Naruto bawled.

"Naruto...you know I've been trying to change your diet for years." Kakashi sighed with patience.

"BUT...I HAVEN'T HAD ANY RAMEN FOR LIKE FOREVER TTEBAYO! "

"Wrong. I took you to Ichiraku's three days ago after training."

"THAT'S WHAT I MEAN BY "FOREVER"!"

"Stop yelling."

"I'M NOT YELLING. JUST STATING A FACT TTEBAYO."

"...by yelling, ttebayo." Kakashi mocked him gently, ruffling his hair.

"And anyway, YOU said I had to get fat again!"

"No I didn't. I said you needed to recover your muscle. That is very different. And stuffing your face with ramen WILL get you fat, which will not happen while I'm around."

Naruto crossed his arms and pouted while following Kakashi to the fruits and vegetables.

Actually, Kakashi loved to argue with him. It always made Naruto pout and Kakashi loved when he pouted. He was just so cute it was illegal. Kakashi had to conjure all his legendary will to stop himself from taking Naruto into his arms and just thoroughly devour his deliciously pouting mouth.

"You're cruel, Kaka-chan." Naruto said.

Said "Kaka-chan" stopped dead in his tracks at the nickname.

It was the first time Naruto ever called him something so intimate. Actually, no one had ever called him that, not even Rin or Sakura. He felt something powerful in his heart. The incredible feeling of being loved, of having his own space into someone's heart.

And it was Naruto's heart.

Yare yare...he couldn't resist.

"Maaaa, all right..." he said, laughing when Naruto dashed towards the ramens.

Of course he had to prevent him from buying a whole barrel of them, but at least Naruto was happy when they got back home.

On the evenings, they also started watching movies together. Kakashi really wasn't used to that. Actually, he hadn't turned his TV on for a very long time.

"Kaka-chan, you know you really ought to watch more movies."

"Maa, I'm too old for this you know."

" Oh come on, what the hell are you talking about ttebayo? You're what, 10 years older than me?"

"Mmmh more like fifteen!"

"Well that's my point, Kaka-niichan, you could be my brother for heaven's sake! Live, damnit, live!", Naruto said, grinning like an idiot.

And then he had asked the terrible question.

"Okay what kind of movies do you have in there?"

Kakashi thought he had never blushed harder behind his mask.

"Maaaa..." he hesitated, scratching his head.

And Naruto, who was definitely dense sometimes, didn't catch the message and started to go straight for Kakashi's TV stand.

Where of course, Kakashi kept all his icha-icha hidden, as well as some hem...spicy videos.

Oh boy.

Within the blink of an eye, Kakashi poofed in front of the stand and took Naruto by the shoulders, laughing nervously:

"Hahaha, I don't have any movies right here haha, you're right I really should do something about it. Don't you have some at your place?"

To Kakashi's great relief, Naruto grinned so hard he thought his lips were going to crack.

"OOH YES I DO! I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO SHOW YOU KAKA CHAN! COME ON!"

And he dashed out of the door. Kakashi let out a deep sigh and wiped his forehead.

"Yare yare...That was close!"

They had taken every single movie Naruto owned back at Kakashi's place, and they started watching a movie together every night. The blonde was a big fan of epic fights and aventures, and Kakashi loved to annoy him by analyzing every fighting scene he could see.

"His defense is miserable. She's going to wipe the floor with his face."

"Shut up ttebayo!"

"No I mean seriously, look at his feet. He is completely out of balance, his moves are so slow. I could fight him while sleeping, for heaven's sake."

"It's a MOVIE Kakashi, a MOVIE."

"I know, but still. How do they expect people to know how to fight after watching such examples?"

"Not everyone is supposed to become a shinobi you know!"

"Mmf."

Actually, he never really watched the movie. He was much more interested by the joy Naruto was displaying next to him. The boy was watching the screen with his beautiful eyes full of stars, smiling like a child. He would bark with laughter, taking Kakashi with him because God, his laugh was so contagious.

And while he was laughing, Kakashi kept dreaming. He wanted to wrap his arms around Naruto's shoulders and just pin him down in the bed, feel his body wriggle under his, feel his hands in his silver hair...and devour his lips, kiss him to oblivion.

And sometimes his dream was a little fulfilled. Naruto would fall asleep quite rapidly, being still on treatment, and he would lay his head on Kakashi's shoulder. So Kakashi would turn off the TV, but he would take his time before moving. He would close his eyes, and wrap both his arms around Naruto's shoulders to squeeze him very tightly against him, for a long time. Then he would lift the boy in his arms to put him under the sheets, before sighing and laying down next to him. The couch was still there, but both Kakashi and Naruto had got used to sleeping together, and none of them would complaint, as they slept so much better feeling the warmth if the other next to them. Very often at the core of night, Naruto would nestle in Kakashi's arms, burying his face in his chest like the man used to do when he was holding him. Kakashi would of course spend the night hugging him, feeling his heart beat against his own. But on the morning, he was always up before Naruto woke up, as usual.

As the days went by, their friends came more and more often to visit them. Sai and Sakura were coming almost everyday, bringing groceries, bringing medication, or bringing dinner and staying for the evening. Then they came with Iruka and Yamato, then Shikamaru, then with Ino and Chouji. And one day, Sakura and Ino had the idea of organizing a party, and Kakashi's house being the widest, it was decided that it should take place there. Naruto and Kakashi had spent the day cooking and preparing the house for the reception, and Kakashi had been very busy trying to prevent Naruto from blowing up his kitchen. Kakashi tried to teach him how to cook. At one point, he showed him how to cut very thin slices of mushrooms to make them roast better. To that end, he instinctively stood behind Naruto and passed his arms around him, leaning his head over his shoulder.

Both blushed hard, without even noticing.

While Kakashi had taken Naruto's hands in his own, guiding them as they were cutting the mushrooms together, the blonde closed his eyes and savoured the feeling of Kakashi's strong arms around him, of his breath tickling his neck behind his mask, of his deep voice rolling in his ear.

How on Earth could the man have such an effect on him? He had never, ever felt such a thing before. He wanted to lean back in Kakashi's chest, he wanted to feel Kakashi wrap his arms around his torso to squeeze him tight...

...and Kakashi wanted to do the exact same thing. While a part of his brain was throughly explaining his actions to Naruto, as he had done so many times as the blonde's sensei, the other part was longing to lay tender, light kisses on his nuque, to bury his nose in the golden hair, to whisper sweet, loving words in his ear.

But a vigorous knock on the door had interrupted their dreams, as Sakura and Sai had arrived to help them with the preparations.

Naruto was so excited he was practically running everywhere. He loved parties, he loved being surrounded by his friends.

And so did Kakashi, even though he had hard time admitting it.

At one point, he was coming back from the kitchen to the living room, with some additional bottles in his hands. There, he stopped, taking in the scene.

His living room was full of laughing, happy people. Sai, Yamato, Shikamaru, Iruka, Chouji, Ino, Kiba, Hinata, Shino, Neiji, Tenten, Lee, Guy, hell, even Tsunade and Chizune were there.

Kakashi sighed, put the bottles on the bar, and retreated back in the shadows, leaning on the wall for a moment, hiding from their sight.

One word immediately came to his mind.

Family.

They were his family.

They were all there, in his house, laughing together, drinking, hugging, just being happy together.

For the first time in many years, his house was ringing with life and laugther, after being as silent and sad as his heart.

He smiled. God, these last years had changed many things.

It had started when he had been charged to teach three little kids. Through the years, these three little kids had thrown a huge rock into his glass forteress, and they had gradually made a hole where they had slipped in, diving deep inside his heart. And little by little, they had made the glass barrier explode when they had dragged all their friends with them into his heart.

Now Kakashi had a family.

His eyes went to Naruto, who was the center of attention, as he was telling how he had once terrorized Yamato with a very sick joke.

« And ..and..WOUAHAHAHA... ! » Naruto couldn't finish his sentence, bent in half with laugther.

Kakashi looked at him fondly., a smile on his masked lips, watching from the dark.

« I...I pretended my head had been choped off hahahahaha, you should have seen his face ttebayo ! HAHAHAHAHA ! »

Everyone laughed, even Yamato who ruffled Naruto's hair.

"You really are a piece of work you know? I thought I was going to kill you. No seriously, you scared the hell out of me!"

And as they laughed together, Kakashi looked at Naruto.

He looked at his dazzling smile, his blue eyes leaking with tears of laughter, his incredible golden hair falling on his forehead.

He was so beautiful.

So beautiful he could make the sun bow and fade out.

"Have you told him?" A gentle voice came from behind.

Kakashi started. Damn, he must have been completely wrapped up in his thoughts, he hadn't even felt Sakura's chakra when she had come back from the bathroom.

"What?" Kakashi feigned.

Sakura gave him her famous "oh please" look.

Damn. Kakashi had been right on the other day. She knew.

He bowed his head and blushed slightly.

Sakura came to take his arm, leaning her head on her biceps.

"Aww my God Kakashi, I have never seen you in love, and I must say that is the cutest thing I have ever seen."

Kakashi blushed harder and wished he would disappear in the ground. But he counter attacked, a smug smile on his lips.

"What about you and Sai?"

"Ehhh?"

Kakashi giggled slightly.

"Oh come on, did you honestly think I wouldn't notice?"

"Notice what?!" Sakura asked, her skin turning as red as a beetroot.

As a matter of fact, it had already been a long time since the first time Kakashi had noticed something going on between these two.

"Well for starters he is always glued to you. Wherever you go, anywhere you go, I could mistake him for your shadow."

"I'm teaching him!"

Kakashi raised a silver brow.

"Teaching him what?!"

"Well ... I don't know...Life!"

Kakashi threw his head backwards and laughed heartily.

"Ah, Sakura chan...", he breathed fondly.

He laughed harder when she pouted, crossing her arms. She started turning away from him, but he laid his hands on her shoulders.

"Maaa, maa, don't you pout, my sweet Sakura sensei. Come here.", he said, yanking her in his arms, laying a kiss on her hair and engulfing her in a warm, powerful hug. Of course, as soon as she felt his lips in her hair, his strong chest swallowing her face, his arms around her, Sakura's irritation melt.

They remained embraced for a moment, then Sakura sighed.

"Okay seriously, why haven't you told him yet?"

Kakashi's heart made itself heavy, while he kept swaying them from left to right, pensively caressing Sakura's back.

"He would run away." he whispered.

"Come on, it's Uzumaki Naruto we are talking about, sensei. Naruto never runs away from anything, from anyone, and least of all from you."

Kakashi shook his head, and Sakura felt his pectorals swell under her face,

"Look at him. He is so full of life. And I am so..."

He became silent. Sakura felt him gulp, his throat being pressed in her hair.

"So what?", Sakura said, stroking his arm gently.

"I don't know..."

His eyes got lost again in the contemplation of the object of his utmost desire. Sakura frowned in his shirt.

He seemed so sad...

"Kakashi, for what it is worth, I can tell you that I wouldn't be surprised if Naruto did feel the exact same thing for you."

Kakashi quickly pulled her away fro his chest and looked in her green eyes.

"What do you mean?!"

"That day when I found out about your feelings for him...I found out when I saw you hug him tight to your chest in such a tender way there was no doubt possible. And...The way Naruto was clinging to you was pretty suggestive too!"

Kakashi blushed again, but he shook his head.

"It's not a proof. Naruto had just spent the worst night of his life. He wasn't himself."

Sakura sighed.

"Oh come on! Just tell him, you will see that I'm right. Anyway, I am always right aren't I?" she chuckled.

Kakashi smiled fondly, but again his eyes got unfocused.

"The risk is too great." he murmured.

"What are you so afraid of, sensei?" Sakura asked.

There was a silence.

Kakashi looked at her pensively. Then he slid his arms behind her back again and pushed her in his chest once more.

"As a matter of fact, I don't know..." Kakashi answered enigmatically, squeezing her tight.

And as he contemplated Naruto from the shadows, he felt something dark creep along his heart, enclosing it in a cold embrace, chasing the warmth holding Sakura in his arms was providing him.

What he told Sakura was right. He didn't really know what scared him so much. Was it only the fear of being rejected?

He wanted Naruto to look at him the way himself did. He wanted Naruto to smile to him forever. He wanted him to be his. Completely, entirely, unconditionnally.

But something in his mind was assuring him that he could never be his. That Naruto wasn't meant to be his.

He looked at Hinata, who was blushing at everyone of Naruto's looks.

What would Naruto do with a man like him when such a sweet, kind-hearted girl was madly in love with him?

The thought made him growl deep inside. No...No, he wanted Naruto for himself. He couldn't bear the idea of anyone, woman or man, touching him.

Then why don't you tell him?!

Why don't step out in the light and ask him to be yours?!

Why do you keep hiding in the shadows, loving him from afar?

What are you so afraid of?

He had succeeded in telling Sakura how much he loved her and their friends, even if he had told her through riddles.

But Naruto... Naruto made him feel something so different. Something he had never felt before. Actually, his love for Naruto was terrorizing him because it was far too strong. It was so powerful it could make the stars crumble and fall. It was so immense, so powerful it made him lose control.

And Hatake Kakashi never lost control.

Showing him how he truly felt would mean letting go. Diving straight into the unknown.

Releasing something...

Showing something...

But what?

Kakashi knew he was terrified, that was a fact. But he could tell there was something deeper behind the fear of Naruto rejecting him. Something way, way deeper, hidden in the darkness that was overwhelming his heart. And he was afraid of digging to find that reason.

He thought that maybe some things had better remained buried...

Seeing that his sensei was falling in a sad silence again, Sakura laid a gentle kiss on his pectorals before stepping out of his embrace and tugging on his hand.

"Come on, we'll talk about this later. Come on, stop hiding, come laugh with us."

Her smile was so reassuring, so warm, so full of friendship and love for him that she succeeded in chasing Kakashi's dark thoughts, and she dragged him with her in the light.

Several hours later, Sakura was fast asleep on the couch, after a lot of drinks. Kakashi couldn't help but smiling genuinely at the sight of Sai taking her gently, in his arms, tucking her face into his pale chest. The jounin opened the door for them.

"Take care of her for me, will you Sai-kun?" he said, laying a hand on Sai's shoulder.

"Of course, Kakashi-san. Thank you for the reception, it was most pleasant.", Sai said, smiling sincerely.

Kakashi smiled back.

"You are always welcome. Good night Sai."

"Good night, Kakashi san."

And while he was walking away, Kakashi enjoyed the rare sight of Sai displaying a tender, discrete emotion, as he was craddling a sleeping, vulnerable Sakura to his chest, like a treasure.

Like the way himself would hold Naruto.

And soon, the second month was almost over.

Naruto was back on his feet, his energy was completely recovered.

Without saying it, both men were thinking that their days together were soon going to end.

And Naruto was determined to take davantage of their last moments together.

"No way."

"Aaaaw come ON Kakashi chan!"

"I said no."

"Oh don't be such an old fart, come on it's going to be fun ttebayo!"

Kakashi sighed and pinched his nose between two fingers.

"Naruto. I know you are almost fully healed but don't you think getting wasted in a bar might be slightly exaggerated?"

"Who talked about getting wasted?"

Kakashi granted him with a "who-do-you-think-you-are-kidding" look, his grey eyebrows arched above his mismatched, sceptical eyes. Both of them knew how much Naruto could drink when he got out in parties and bars, and Kakashi as well as their friends had often had to take him home and put him inside his bed because he was totally out of it.

"All right all right then I promise I won't drink too much. Come on man. We have never had such a good time only the two of us ttebayo."

Kakashi said nothing. He could see something flicker in Naruto's eyes.

Regret.

Kakashi sighed.

"Naruto..."

"It's our last evening together, Kaka-chan."

Naruto's tone was suddenly so serious that Kakashi raised his eyes towards the blues ones. There was something very strange going on in them. Something deep. But this time, Kakashi couldn't decipher it.

"Tomorrow night I'll return to my appartment. I...I just want to go the the bar with you to...you know. It's our last evening together."

He didn't know how to say that. Of course, none of them would be leaving the village forever or would still see each other almost everyday. But they wouldn't be "together". They would return to their separate homes every evening. They would live alone. Again.

Both of them felt exactly the same thing. But none of them knew how the other was feeling.

Kakashi sighed again, then he raised his index in front of Naruto's nose:

"Not a word to Sakura. Understood?"

Naruto had grinned like an idiot and rushed through the door.

"Ah...that boy is going to be the death of me." Kakashi smiled lovingly.

And Kakashi truly had a good time. Naruto and him talked for hours. Kakashi couldn't remember the last time he had laughed that much.

And both of them were secretly admiring the other, drinking his laugh.

They were shivering when their shoulders were touching, when their hands were brushing while reaching out for their glasses.

Naruto was amazed by the amount of emotions Kakashi aroused inside him. He couldn't remember ever feeling something so powerful, so deeply overwhelming for anyone else.

Damn it, what is happening to me?! he wondered all evening...

...until, of course, he got completely wasted.

"Oookay, Naru-chan, I think it's time to go home", Kakashi said after several hours, when Naruto started to sway dangerously on his stool, grinning like an idiot, his mouth slightly open, his eyes vague and blissful.

Kakashi put his arm around his shoulder and supported him through the door.

"Thanks guys! Have a good night!" the bar man saluted them.

"Maa, thank you Tokiro san", Kakashi said, as he was used to go to this bar which was relatively far away from the center of town. Kakashi liked to go there when he needed a drink, out of sight.

"Gooighttebayo!" Naruto babbled, leaning on Kakashi.

When they got out of the bar, Naruto sighed.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaah! Ilikedringnwthyoukksh..."

"Ehhhhhh? Nanda?"

"Hihihihihihi..., Naruto giggled, I said: I like drinking with you, Kakashi."

Before Kakashi had time to say anything, Naruto had thrown his arms around his neck and his legs around his waist. He hugged him fiercely and buried his face into his shoulder.

"Ca'you carry me home inyourarms, Kakashi-chan...?" he asked, muffled in his shoulder.

Kakashi smiled fondly.

"Of course, my Naruto-chan.", he said, adjusting the young man into his arms and holding him tight against him.

He started walking towards home. The slight breeze accompanied our two heroes who were clinging to each other, not aware of the fact that they loved each other so much they could have set fire to that breeze that was caressing their hair.

While he walked, Kakashi had his eyes closed to concentrate on the weight of Naruto in his arms, on the feeling of his soft locks under his hand, Naruto tightened his embrace around his neck.

"Yu know what Kaka-chan..."

"What, bab...err Naruto-kun?"

"You probably are the best friend I've ever had..."

Kakashi's heart stopped right in his chest, as did his feet. His eyes were wide.

"What did you just say?"

Naruto kept his face buried in Kakashi's shoulder.

"I...Sasuke left me...He even tried to kill me ttebayo...I love him and I always will...I will n...never stop loo...looking for him...I would die for him.. b..but..."

The emotion was strong in Naruto's voice. He was shaking a little. Kakashi stroked his hair.

"But you stayed with me."

And on these words, Naruto pulled back from Kakashi's shoulder, and planted his eyes into the grey one.

"Will you always stay with me, Kakashi?"

He was still sitting in Kakashi's arms, and the silver-haired jounin noticed the depth of the emotion that was shining in Naruto's eyes. He could discern there, buried far, far away in Naruto's mind, the doubts and the fears that had almost taken him away the other night. For a moment, a fraction of time, Kakashi could see the frightened child again. So he forced Naruto's face back into his shoulder and held him so tight he almost cut off his air.

"Always, Naruto. I swear on my life. I will always stay right beside you."

He rocked him for a very long time, before realizing that the boy had fallen asleep. Smiling tenderly, still keeping his face buried in his shoulder with his hand in his blonde hair, Kakashi took his precious sleepyhead home.

For the last time, he thought sadly.


	9. The Last Failure

**Chapter Ninth : The Last Failure**

"Okay you have everything?"

"Hai..., I think so"

"Then off we go..." Kakashi said.

Both had their heads low.

Both had their hearts heavy.

Behind his mask, Kakashi's lips were pinched in a tight line.

He closed the door, and Naruto swallowed a big lump in his throat.

He didn't want to go back to his small, lonely apartment.

He had spent the two most intense months of his life. He had cried, he had laughed, he had suffered to the point of almost dying...

And he had felt.

He had felt things he had never felt before.

Kakashi had showed him entirely new facets of his personality, and it was like he had cast a spell on Naruto. The young man could clearly feel that something had changed deeply in his heart, and but didn't realize yet how deep his new feelings for Kakashi ran.

On his side, Kakashi's heart was painful.

Two months since the accident.

Two months since his vow.

And he had never told him.

The clock was ticking, without mercy.

He was cornered now.

Naruto walked beside his dear friend.

Kakashi's walk was so gracious.

He was a tall, slender man, and he moved without making a sound, like a cat.

His hair was shining in the dying sun, silver mixing with sanguine.

His hair is so beautiful, Naruto thought to himself.

I wonder how it feels under my fingers...

Kakashi's heart was beating on the same rhythm as his steps.

Naruto's aura was troubling him more than ever.

Their arms brushed sometimes. It was almost burning.

He was so close...but so inaccessible.

Naruto tried to walk as slowly as he could.

He wanted to breathe Kakashi's smell a little longer.

He wanted to feel his presence beside him.

His calm, strong, powerful aura that made him feel so safe.

So serene.

 _Could he love me in return?_

 _Might Sakura be right?_

 _Could I be so lucky?_

 _Could my dreams come true at last?_

I feel so at peace when he is here, with me ttebayo.

We don't even need to speak. We don't even need to look at each other.

I understand him and he understands me.

I protect him and he protects me.

 _What if I scare him?_

 _What if he rejects me?_

 _What if he never wants to see me again?_

 _I thought I was ready to accept that..._

Why am I so sad ttebayo?

I don't want him to go.

I don't want this dream to end.

I don't want our world to disappear, like a bubble of soap.

 _...I'm not ready._

 _I can't stand seeing the disgust into his blue eyes._

 _I can't stand the cold seeping back inside me._

 _I can't stand the idea of losing his friendship._

 _I can't stand the shadows crawling back to me._

 _There's something in my heart..._

 _Deep beneath..._

The way he looks at me, ttebayo...

There is something in his eyes.

What is it?

I know he wants to tell me something.

Why wouldn't he speak?

Is he scared?

 _He has been chasing the darkness away._

 _He has been keeping the nightmares at bay._

 _He is the beacon at the core of night._

 _The star I want to hold with all my might._

Konoha's calm streets are getting empty.

Home, ttebayo, where someone is waiting...

Going home where the fire is burning...

Whereas I, tonight, again I will be...

...alone, they both thought at the same time.

They stopped.

They had arrived at Naruto's doorstep.

Naruto opened his door.

Inside, it was dark and cold.

He lowered his head.

He could feel Kakashi waiting behind him. He turned around.

"Well...that's it I guess..." He said.

"Haa..."

Naruto played with his hands for a moment. Then he raised his eyes again.

"Kakashi sensei, I don't know how I could ever thank you for what you did for me." he said sincerely.

"It is I who ought to thank you. You saved my life and paid dearly for that." Kakashi answered.

"I told you, I would do it if I had to go through this all over again, I would do it without any hesitation."

They looked at each other.

Kakashi couldn't say a word. He was so moved he was afraid of bursting in tears if he dared uttering a word.

Naruto had to ask.

"Sensei?"

"Yes Naru-chan?", Kakashi managed to whisper, swallowing his tears.

"When I was in a coma...Someone helped me through the darkness. Someone held my hand and guided back to life."

Kakashi didn't answer. His visible eye was incredibly intense, screaming so many things he wanted to tell Naruto.

"Just like...that time when I nearly went mad with pain..."

Kakashi gulped. It was the first time Naruto evoked that difficult night.

"... Right from the start, it was you, right? It was always you?"

Kakashi's eye remained fixed.

"Always." He murmured.

At this word, Naruto's heart was overwhelmed by an emotion so powerful he thought it would burst. He rushed forward and wrapped his arms around Kakashi, standing on his tiptoes, tangling a hand in his silver hair, pressing his whiskered face into the strong shoulder as the older man was taller than him.

"Thank you..." He whispered, his throat tight.

Kakashi wrapped his own arms around him and held him tight.

But he remained silent.

These were their last moments.

It might be the last time Kakashi would have a reason to hug Naruto.

It might be the last time he would ever have such an occasion to tell him.

It might be the last time he would ever have such an occasion to respect his vow.

Naruto was holding him as tight as he could.

He was breathing his smell as if the man was going to die by the minute.

Why do I feel so sad? Damn it, the man is one of my best friends, I'll just see him tomorrow.

But tomorrow, everything might be different.

Kakashi was clinging to Naruto, his entire face contorted behind his mask.

His teeth were clenched.

I love you Naruto.

I love you so much...

I love you so much, he kept screaming in his mind.

"Don't tell me such things, sensei!"

"That's so weird!"

"You're a pervert, Kakashi-sensei!"

"I'm not into boys!"

Naruto's younger voice was ringing in his ears.

Kakashi held Naruto tighter, his mind tortured.

I have to tell you.

I have to...

I promised...

How can I face you again if I'm not even capable of keeping my promise?

Again...

The story repeats itself...

Again...

Maybe I should tell him how different I feel? Naruto thought.

Maybe I should tell him how sad I am?

Maybe he could help me understand...

...why I feel so bad.

Two whispers escaped their mouths at the same time.

"Naruto."

"Kakashi"

Naruto was faster.

"Yes, Kaka-chan?" he said gently, still holding Kakashi tight to him.

That was it.

The time had come.

I have to tell him.

Kakashi opened his mouth.

Naruto waited.

He could feel that Kakashi was tense.

Kakashi's voice was stuck.

"Talk to me, Kaka-chan..." Naruto whispered, his face buried in Kakashi's shoulder.

The way he was holding him.

Maybe Sakura was right.

What, what the hell am I so afraid of?!

He is all right now, he is entirely healed...

There's no reason I shouldn't tell him.

I promised, damn it. I promised!

Why do I feel that terror, that darkness inside my heart? Why?!

"Naruto, I..."

The words wouldn't come out.

"God, I..."

He felt the tears come up to his eyes. He felt so powerless.

"What? What, Kakashi? What's wrong?" Naruto said, stroking his hair.

The indestructible, mysterious fear was crushing Kakashi's throat.

It was bringing him down.

A nagging voice was ringing in his head.

He's not meant for you...

Because you are...

"I'm here, Kakashi, you can tell me anything. Anything." Naruto whispered.

Naruto. Help me.

"Anything."

The voice kept on going...

Because you are...

I am what?!

"I'm here", Naruto whispered.

Kakashi struggled hard.

Each time the words would come to his lips, a terrible force was blocking his tongue.

He could litterally not utter a word.

His arms tightened around Naruto, his face buried itself in the blonde's shoulder.

I can't.

God, I can't talk.

My entire being is paralyzed.

I can't.

My heart is bleeding.

I don't want to lose you.

I can't lose you.

A tear escaped his grey eye.

Forgive me, my love.

Forgive me...

Forgive me...

"Jaa na, Naruto-chan", Kakashi whispered with a shaky voice.

And he disappeared in a poof.

... To reappear right in front of the Memorial, where he fell to his knees, his arms still clutching Naruto ghostly shape to his chest.

His smell was lingering in his nose, as was the feeling of his hand gently caressing his hair.

Crushed by the pain, the frustration and the anger he had at himself, Kakashi's face hardened.

He had made a decision.

He had to respect his vow. But something inside him prevented him from doing it.

Something buried deep inside his heart.

And he suddenly knew what he had to do.

It was something he should have done many years ago.

He had to dig.

...he had to face what was hidden carefully at the core of his fortress.

But to do that...

He had to leave Konoha.

He raised hard, steel eyes to the cold stone of his loved ones' eternal bed.

"Sensei. I will be true to my word. I will leave Konoha to search deep within my heart. I will fight the darkness. I will find the reason why I failed again to tell him."

He stood up, determined.

"And I won't come back until I have found it."

He clutched his fists.

"I won't come back until I am ready to seal my vow".

 _ **AN: I know, I know, don't kill me, Kakashi couldn't tell him yet, but he has realized that he has to work on himself, something he should have done a long time ago! Bear with me, soon, love will blossom, as our dear Maito Gai would say! Thanks for reading!**_


	10. The Missing

Chapter Ten - The Missing

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE IS GONE BAA CHAN TTEBAYO?"

"OCHITSUKE, NARUTO!" Tsunade roared.

Naruto had his fists anchored in Tsunade's desk, while the blonde Hokage was glaring daggers at him.

"This is a secret mission.

"Why the hell wasn't I informed of this?!

" Do I have to explain you the meaning of "secret"?"

"I WANT TO GO WITH HIM."

"Sore wa dame da."

"WHY NOT?!"

"BECAUSE IT IS A SECRET MISSION, NARUTO, WILL YOU LISTEN WHAT I AM TELLING YOU?!"

"I DON'T GIVE A FREAKING SHIT ABOUT YOUR FREAKING SECRET MISSION TTEBAYO!

"STOP YELLING AND STOP SWEARING OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL WIPE THE FLOOR WITH YOUR FACE!"

Tsunade had risen on her feet, and both blonde faces were inches apart from each other. Naruto was shaking with rage, his nostrils flaring, his eyes wide.

"Anooo..." Shizune said, her back flat against the wall, feeling as if she was watching a clash of titans.

"WHAT?!" Naruto and Tsunade yelled at the same time, turning their heads to the poor brown haired captain.

Shizune bravely gulped.

"Errr I...I believe th...that maybe you should talk this o...over..."

Tsunade pinched her nose.

Talk this over...yeah, easier said than done.

Kakashi had once again put her in a tricky situation.

Last night, he had come to her while she was working late in her office.

"Captain Kakashi?" She had asked when the slender man had entered her office after knocking.

But what had hit her right through the heart was Kakashi's visible eye.

It was cold and hard, full of pain and regret.

Something is wrong, Tsunade had guessed, letting go of the pen she was holding.

"Are you okay, Kakashi?" She had asked in a motherly tone.

"Hai, Tsunade sama." Kakashi had answered, his eye looking straight into hers, proud and defying.

Tsunade didn't insist. The man was hiding his entire face with a mask, for heaven's sake, he would die before showing his emotions to anyone in any circumstance.

"Then what can I do for you?"

"I want to be sent on a mission tonight."

"Ehh?!"

Kakashi was standing straight on his feet, speaking in his usual calm and determined tone.

"What is happening, Kakashi? Are you fleeing Konoha?" She asked, concerned.

Kakashi had closed his eye.

"I'm not fleeing."

Silence.

"I just need to get away for a few days, to set some...things straight in my mind."

Tsunade had stood up and come close to Kakashi, landing a hand on his shoulder.

"Kakashi, I may be Hokage but I am also your friend. You can talk to me if there is something wrong. Anything."

Sometimes she tended to forget how young Kakashi was. Hell he was over twenty years younger than her, she could be his mother. However, he was hiding his youth behind an extraordinary responsibility, incredible skills and a vast wisdom. But knowing Kakashi's past, Tsunade knew how lonely he had to feel.

She knew Kakashi was a tortured man.

Yet Kakashi's eye had remained cold and hard. Tsunade had rarely seen him so aloof. The Copy Ninja was many things, but he had an immense heart and his kindness always showed in his apparently lazy, nonchalant eye. The only times she had seen that cold, terrible eye was when he was on the battlefield, defending his comrades, slaying his ennemies.

"There is nothing to talk about, Tsunade sama. Please, give me a mission."

Tsunade had sighed.

"All right all right...As a matter of fact, I might have something for you...related to the mutants you fought two months ago...when Naruto got hurt."

Kakashi had listened very carefully as Tsunade had sent him to the pursuit of a group of men who had stolen a scroll containing a very powerful Kinjutsu. The blonde Hokage was persuaded that the scroll was destined to fall in Orochimaru's hands. They were to be stopped rapidly and discretely, before other independant renegades got wind of the situation and tried to take over the scroll.

And Kakashi was the best man for the job.

But the most mysterious was yet to come.

Before leaving, Kakashi had turned towards her again.

"Tsunade-sama, I have to ask you something."

"Nanda?"

"If Naruto asks where I am. Don't tell him. Don't let him go after me."

And he had left her puzzled, disappearing in a poof.

And now Naruto's eyes were so desperate that she didn't understand what was going on between them.

"Naruto, what's wrong?" she asked.

The blonde turned away, clenching his fists.

"Nothing's wrong I...I just..."

He sighed.

"I just wanted to see him, I guess."

He remained silent for a moment, his eyes fixed on the floor.

Tsunade and Shizune exchanged a puzzled look, and Tsunade came closer to that boy that reminded her so much of her little brother.

"Daijoubu ka, Naruto, he will be back soon."

"When?!" Naruto asked, eagerly.

Tsunade sighed.

"I don't know...When he's done with his mission."

Naruto knew he wouldn't get anything more from her.

He felt...

Actually he didn't understand how he felt.

He was so angry.

Without a word, he stormed out of Tsunade's office, and didn't stop until he had slammed the door of his appartment. There he sat on his bed and clenched his fists.

He felt just as if his heart was stuck in his throat, in a tight ball, that was nearly preventing him from breathing. One minute, he felt as if he was going to break everything in his path, the other one he just wanted to curl up on himself in his bed, waiting for death.

Why was he reacting such childishly?

Kakashi was a grown man, for heaven's sake, he was a shinobi, and he had to make missions for a living. That was the way things were...That's was their job.

What did I expect?

...

...He could have left a note.

Naruto shook his head. He had to get a hold on himself. Come on, Kakashi would be back.

He would be back...

He would, wouldn't he?

A few days passed by. Naruto resumed his life. After many arguments and yells, he would take minor missions, as Tsunade was still reluctant in sending him away for too long. He would go out with his friends, to eat at Ichiraku's, or simply to have a good time at the public bath. Naruto would laugh, smile and talk loudly like he always did.

But the ball in his throat never seemed to leave.

...

Kakashi...

He talked about Kakashi all the time. He didn't even realize it. Everything he did, wherever he went, something made him think about Kakashi.

That time when they went to Ichiraku's together and when Naruto had whined again because Kakashi wouldn't take off his mask.

That time they walked past the cinema where Kakashi had almost fainted when he had seen that there was going to be a new adaptation of Icha Icha tactics, before blushing to hell when Naruto had offered him to invite him to see the movie when it was released.

That time Kakashi was helping him walk after a particularly hard training and Naruto had trippled over a rock, taking Kakashi in his fall, both falling in the river under the bridge they were crossing.

All these times they had laughed so hard Kakashi's voice was flying up to high notes, his eyes closed and leaking tears of joy.

Naruto hadn't lied when he had told Kakashi that the silver haired jounin was probably the best friend he had ever had. Thinking about Sasuke was still painful for Naruto. After all, he thought of him as his brother, he loved Sasuke fiercely, and he would do anything for the raven. He felt so guilty, so angry at himself for not being capable of stopping him.

But never, never had Sasuke given him so much attention.

Never had Sasuke been willing to spend so much time with him without telling him to fuck off or repelling him.

Naruto had spent so much time with Kakashi that he felt he knew him better than anyone. Even if he had never seen his face, he knew his expressions by heart. His slight blushes, his serene smile that made his visible eye turn upside down, his closed, contracted eye when he was tired and using the Sharingan, his smug smirks when he knew he was right.

And damn, the man was always right.

Actually, he was a bit like Shikamaru. His intelligence was vertiginous sometimes. He knew how to read hearts and minds, he always knew what was to be done in every situation.

Oh yes...Kakashi might well be the best friend he ever had...

...so much that Naruto started to wonder about their relationship.

Was it only friendship?

Of course he had spent so much good time with Sasuke.

But he had never felt anything for Sasuke that came even near to what he felt for Kakashi...

He litterally longed to breathe Kakashi. He longed to hear him talk, to listen to his laugh.

He died to touch him...

He was so attracted to him. Many times, he had noticed how his body seemed like it was moving on its own, always seeking Kakashi's warmth and proximity. The way he shuddered at the slightest contact, how much he craved to nestle in his arms, to drown in his chest...

To lay his lips on his pale skin...

And as the days passed by, Naruto dived deeper in his reflexion.

He longed for his silver haired friend, so much that he would subconsciously look for his shadow at every corner of street...

He would strain his ear when he believed he heard his laugh...

He would stop dead in his tracks when he thought he had breathed his smell...

When he closed his eyes, he could see his silhouette...

...his broad shoulders...

...his straight back...

...his elegant neck, embellished by his magnificient, rebel silver hair...

...his long, slender hands...

Ah...Kakashi...

He could smell his shower gel...

He could hear his soothing, deep voice...

Kakashi...

Even his name had a beautiful taste, rolling in a powerful yet smooth dance on his tongue.

Hell, the entire man was poetry.

And Naruto kept thinking.

I don't understand...I'm not into guys! Why does Kakashi have such an effect on me?!

His friends were starting to find he was acting strangely...but he would laugh heartily and shake his head throwing off suspicions.

But not all suspicions...

In addition to Sakura, someone else had guessed why Naruto was acting so weird.

One day, Naruto had left his untouched bowl of ramen to Sai and Sakura, paying for their three meals, before excusing himself and leaving the restaurant, saying that he needed a moment to think. And as he was sitting on a bench on the outskirts of town, his eyes unfocused and pensive, that someone came to sit beside him.

"Ooookay, Naruto kun. Tell me what's going on", he said with his gentle, warm voice.

Umino Iruka, for it was him of course, dived his hand into Naruto's hair, ruffling it affectionately.

Naruto raised his blue eyes to the brown, caring ones, before lowering them again to the ground.

"I don't know what you are talking about ttebayo..."

"Oookay, well for starters you have just left Ichiraku's without touching your ramen. I knew there was something going on in that baka head of yours, but now I'm certain of it. So talk to me."

Naruto kept his eyes fixed on the ground.

How could he even express what he felt?

Hey Iruka, I'm so sad I want to die right now.

Hey Iruka, I miss Kakashi so much I can't sleep at night.

Hey Iruka, I would give anything right now to bury my face in Kakashi's pectorals and feel his arms squeeze me so tight I can't breathe.

Hey Iruka, I would give anything to have Kakashi in my arms right now and rip his mask off to eat his mouth.

Come on...

But Iruka cut him to the chase.

"All right I'm going to help you. My instinct tells me that you can't get a certain someone out of your head. That you keep looking for them everywhere you go. That your heart is aching because they aren't there, and that you have become so addicted to them that you can't bear their absence anymore. And yet you are scared because you don't understand what you feel. You have never felt such a strong feeling for anyone before. Not even for Sakura. Ne, Naruto?"

Naruto raised surprised eyes to the man he considered as his older brother.

"How the hell do you know that ttebayo, Iruka nii chan?!"

Iruka chuckled.

"You're my brother, Naruto, I know you by heart. And I know what that feeling is."

Before he said it, Naruto closed his eyes. Of course he already knew. But he didn't know if he was ready to hear it.

"It's called love, little brother."

Naruto hid his face in his hands.

Iruka frowned and stroke his hair again.

"And you are ashamed...Ne, Naru-chan?"

God, that nickname.

Naruto's heart screamed for Kakashi.

"Okay you don't have to talk. Let me talk for you." Iruka said gently.

He felt like a surgeon trying to reach a thorn that was planted deep in an animal's heart. He had to be his voice, he had to put words on the wound when the wounded couldn't talk, when he was lost and scared.

"Love is something that you cannot choose or control, Naruto, that is why it is so beautiful. It is something that mmh...transcends you, carries you away. It can be immensely beautiful and devastatingly painful. Love can lead to peace as it can bring death and destruction through hate, which is its necessary counterpart... But love is also what makes us live, whether we know it or not. It is the only force in the universe that is able to accomplish miracles, to repell the demons lurking in the twisted, mad human heart."

Naruto still couldn't say anything. But Iruka's words were easing his pain. He was carefully treading the swollen zone of his heart, and he was coming closer and closer to the epicentre of his affliction.

And still stroking his hair, Iruka went on.

"What I am trying to tell you, Naru-chan, is that you don't have to be ashamed. You should never, you hear me, never be ashamed of loving anyone."

He took a deep breath.

"Even if the person you love is a man too."

Naruto's head shot up and he gaped at man was a damn sorcerer.

"Daijoubu, Naru chan, it's okay, it is totally natural."

"...It is?" Naruto asked, unsure.

"Well...it is true that men and women are made to reproduce in order for the human race to linger, and it is the same for the animals. Actually humans ARE animals. But... Love is not necessarily linked to specific a sex, or even a gender for that matter."

"I don't understand..."

"Well it's a little bit complicated but...I am convinced that the biological sex doesn't determine your gender. That is to say that the fact that you are biologically a man doesn't mean you are a man in your head. You are what you choose to be. Either you want to be a man, a woman, or anything else."

Naruto's eyes got lost in the horizon. He had never thought about this this way.

"And sexual orientation and gender are totally independant. You love a person, an identity, a psychological construction and entity. We don't care what that psychological entity has got in his/her pants right? If you truly love them, then they can even not have a body. Because love transcends matter. Is is something that we can't truly grasp from our condition of mere mortals."

Naruto blushed and Iruka guessed his question.

"Haha I know what you are thinking. That man you love has a wonderful body and you are extremely attracted to it. Well it's just a matter of taste, and tastes comes and goes, or it can last forever. In your case, you have already been attracted to women because you were in love with Sakura, but now you have lived something very special with a man, and that man has taken a specific role for you. He has touched your heart in a way you would never had thought it possible. Well so be it. There are other men who will always be attracted by men during all their life, and there again for thousands of reasons, might they be related to biology or psychological construction."

Iruka made a pause and let the words sink in Naruto's mind.

"What I am trying to tell you Naru chan is that love cannot be put in a cage, it cannot be constrained in such boundaries. Before loving a physical, biological body, you love someone. And that someone can be anything in their mind or body."

These words plunged Naruto into a deep reflexion, which put in perspective all his preconcieved ideas. Everything he had ever thought about love relationships was now put under a new light.

And now somehow, he felt completely at peace with these ideas. Actually, these were the answers he was looking for.

"And I personally like men, if it can reassure you." Iruka giggled.

Naruto looked at him, surprised.

"Ehhh?"

"Oh yes !" Iruka smiled brightly.

"Why didn't you ever tell me ttebayo!?" Naruto protested, offended.

"Well... I must say I was a little scared by your reaction. I remember you telling me how you had thought that Sai was going to kiss you and how it had "terrified" you." Iruka said, wincing a little.

Naruto twisted his hands. Damn it he had been so stupid and rude.

"Ah come on I was much younger..."

"Yes, I know...That is why I am telling you now", Iruka said, patting his head.

Naruto smiled. But Iruka could see in his eyes that he was not out of the woods yet.

There was still something troubling him.

And the academy sensei knew very well what it was.

The fact that the person Naruto loved was a man wasn't the main reason Naruto was so upset.

The main reason was rather that person's identity...

...which Iruka had come to guess after observing the two of them for weeks.

"Loving a man is not the only thing that bothers you, ne, Naru chan?", he kept on.

Silence.

"What bothers you even more is that the person you love is older than you...for starters..."

Again, Naruto blushed.

Masaka. Did Iruka really know?

"...aaand that he has silver hair..."

Oh god.

"...that his name means "Scarecrow"..."

Naruto hid his face in his hands again.

"...but most of all...that he is your former sensei."

That was it. Iruka had figured it all out.

"Oh God I'm going to die with shame ttebayo..." Naruto whined.

"There's no reason."

Naruto raised his blue eyes questioningly.

"Isn't that weird?" he whispered.

"What is?"

"Well I mean...The man is almost fifteen years older than me, he saw me when I was a baby, he taught me everything he knows, he watched me grow up... Isn't... that...twisted? I mean the fact that I...you know...?"

"No it's not, Iruka answered gently. People change. You are not a child anymore. It is true that Kakashi could have changed your diapers when he was about fourteen years old, but now you are a grown man, and you are another person. Plus, you changed a lot when you left to train with Jiraiya. I personally barely recognized you when you came back. Of course you are still Naruto, you still are loud and hot tempered and God I love you for that, but you came back as a young adult. You came back with a different state of mind. With a greater wisdom. And that was already a couple of years ago, and now you are even wiser. And you are free to love anyone you want. And when you think about it, Kakashi could almost be a kind of...half brother, because he considered your father as his own. He was devastated when he died, as well as Kushina, whom he loved dearly."

Naruto was confused, and Iruka understood why at once.

"Err wait I'm not saying you should feel bad because you love someone who also loved your parents as their son, I'm just saying that Kakashi is not too old for you, and that it is totally natural that you fell in love with him."

At this point, a memory came back to Naruto's mind.

The meomory of the evening when he asked Kakashi to go drink with him.

"Oh come on Kakashi, you could be my brother for heaven's sake".

He smiled a little, feeling his heart lighten again.

Damn, Iruka was good ttebayo.

"And I totally understand you fell in love with Kakashi you know. Apart from the fact that the man is actually a genius, reliable, calm, kind, funny, powerful and handsome..."

"How do you know he is handsome?! Have you ever seen his face?" Naruto asked eagerly.

Iruka laughed.

"No I haven't. But between you and me, we both know that even if Kakashi was not a pure Apollo under his mask, he would remain beautiful. The mere charism, the mere presence he emits even with his mask has always persuaded me of that fact."

Naruto knew he was right. He didn't know what Kakashi looked like under his mask, and actually, after thinking about it, he didn't care. He just knew he loved him. He just knew he would love him no matter what he looked like.

To him, Kakashi would always be handsome, just because he was Kakashi.

"Actually that was one of the reasons why I also fell in love with him a couple of years ago..."

"WHAT?"

"Oh yes, but don't worry, it's over now. But yes, I have loved him very much. I mean how could you not? The man has such a beautiful, magnificient soul, in every aspect. I think he really touched my heart in a way no one ever did. "

"Have you ever told him?" Naruto inquired.

"Haha no...No I haven't. I haven't..."

Iruka remained pensive for a moment.

"Who knows...maybe I should have? Maybe I have told him in a parallel universe and in that parallel universe we're happy together... As a matter of fact, I really believe there are other worlds that contain different versions of ourselves, of our lives and all. And I like to think that in one of them, I had the courage to tell Kakashi and that we are currently living a passionate romance."

He looked at Naruto and smiled, serene.

"Anyway, it is not important right now. My love for him has turned into a powerful friendship. Now, it is you who have fallen in love with him and I believe that you really deserve to be happy. And I can't think about anyone else better than Kakashi to provide you with everything you need. Because Kakashi has always been there for you. Whether it was in the best or in the worst moments, even when I wasn't around, he was always there...Without forgetting the fact that he was the first to recognize you. "

"What are you talking about, Iruka nii san? YOU were the first!"

"Haha, no my friend...It was Kakashi who made me recognize you. And it happened on the very same bench we're sitting on right now".

And Iruka told him how Kakashi had given him the keys to open his heart to Naruto, and therefore how he had been the first important person of Naruto's life.

Depressed and lost, Iruka had came to sit on that same bench, about ten years ago. He had let out a deep, sad sigh, and had started when a voice had risen up above him.

"Oi oi!"

He had raised his head, and his eyes had fallen on Kakashi who was reading on the branch of a tree.

"This is my tree, you know?I always come here when I want to read quietly. So don't you sigh so loud, it's most distracting." Kakashi had said.

"Oh...Sumimasen!" Iruka had said, standing up, preparing to leave.

But Kakashi had suddenly landed right before him, tucking his most precious porn book in his pocket.

"Ma, don't worry about that, I was going to leave anyway. Jaa na!"

He had started to leave, and Iruka had seated back on the bench, clutching his hands. But Kakashi had stopped on his tracks and turned his head to him again.

"Ma, what's wrong? You look depressed."

As Iruka hadn't answered, Kakashi had come back to sit beside him.

"I'm here, if you want to talk about it, I can listen." he had said quietly.

Iruka had been touched. At this period, he didn't know Kakashi as well as he did now, and the fact that that mysterious man had come simply to sit beside him offering him to lend him an ear was most comforting. That was something Kakashi had always loved in Kakashi as he learned to know him better through the years. Even when he didn't say anything, Kakashi's mere presence was comforting and soothing.

And Naruto couldn't agree more.

"I...I want to ask Sandaime to remove the responsability of Naruto from me. I just don't know what to do with that boy anymore."

"Ah...I understand now why your eyes are so dead..." Kakashi had said.

"What do you mean?"

"Well...I remember the glow that was shining in your eyes when you came to Sandaime, asking him to be a teacher at the academy. Now, that glow is gone..."

Iruka had looked at him, puzzled, and Kakashi had went on.

"Maybe you have forgotten the main rule of teaching. You can't open the other's mind unless your own mind is open. Or maybe you are trying to forget that rule, because you are not ready to accept Naruto in your own heart?"

He had touched a sensitive spot. Iruka had closed his eyes, clenching his fists.

"The demon fox which caused the death of my parents is sealed inside Naruto. I know Naruto is not responsible, but each time I see him, I see Kyuubi lurking within him. I don't think that Naruto will open himself to someone like me."

"And yet you are the only one who can reach Naruto's heart. This is your ... personnal challenge."

"My personnal challenge?"

"Hai. The one Sandaime entrusted you with. Come on, don't give up. I know that you will finally find the way. Jaa na!" he had concluded, smiling, waving at the puzzled man.

Iruka had remained pensive, while Kakashi was graciously walking away...

...but soon, the academy teacher had understood that the man had just changed his life...

"...and he changed yours too, that very same day."

Naruto couldn't believe his ears. He felt tears come up to his eyes. He couldn't express what he felt. It was so moving, so powerful.

So beautiful.

Kakashi had indeed always been there.

Even before Iruka.

Before anyone.

Kakashi had always been there, right from the start.

Even though the discussion with Iruka had helped him a lot to understand and accept his feelings, Naruto's heart kept getting heavier and heavier through the days.

Kakashi wasn't coming back.

Naruto kept pestering Tsunade into knowing whether she had heard about him. He started to come everyday, and Tsunade often had to throw him out of her office to be able to work (and drink, by the way), in peace.

Naruto started turning around, biting his lips.

He started having nightmares.

He kept seeing Kakashi in his dreams.

He started to avoid staying alone in his home...

He would keep his friends for dinner, then for the evening...Until they went home...

One night, he felt that his heart was on the verge of breaking. So when his friends left, he conjured up three of his clones and kept playing cards again, and again, for hours, until he couldn't anymore. Until his smile became so crisped, so forced that it made his face hurt. Little by little, the clones started looking at each other. After all, they were the same person. They knew Naruto was suffering, and that he was trying to hide his pain behind his everlasting smile.

They knew he was trying to exhaust himself just for the sake of not being alone.

"Naruto", one of them said.

"Come on guys! Don't tell me you're tired!"

"Naruto..."

"Here, I'll start for you and get ready to get your asses..."

"Naruto!" they had said.

The blonde had stopped and raised his head.

The three clones were looking at him with a mixture of sadness and pity. Naruto's heart clenched.

"You miss him right?", one of them whispered.

Naruto's smile slowly faded out, and his face darkened.

He remained silent for a long time, his head low, his eyes slowly filling up with tears.

"Thank you guys...you can leave me now..." he finally murmured.

The clones had looked at each other, and before leaving, one of them had laid a hand on Naruto's shoulder. But he said nothing.

What was there to be said?

And they had poofed away.

Like Kakashi.

And at this moment, several weeks after Kakashi had gone, Naruto went to curl up in his bed, his arms wrapped tightly around him, burying his face in his pillow, imagining it to be Kakashi's strong chest.

And there, that night, Naruto's darkest thoughts broke through his barrier. They broke through the wall of self-reassurance he had erected since Kakashi's departure.

What did I expect?

Did I expect he would be waiting for me?

Haha...Come on...

An immense sadness crawled up his heart.

As a matter of fact...

Yes...I guess I was expecting that.

Maybe...

Maybe that's why I didn't want to let go of him that day...When he took me home...

I knew he would disappear...

I knew what we lived could not last. It was just a moment...like a fracture in time, a world that opened to my eyes, but which is now closed.

It was like these two months had just been erased. Kakashi was gone, and Naruto didn't know when he would be back.

If he was back at all.

And that night, he could feel the full force of Kakashi's absence, and it was almost unbearable.

Again, he felt abandoned.

And on that thought, Naruto snapped. He burst into silent sobs, muffled into his pillow, tears pouring along his whiskered cheeks.

"I miss you, Kakashi...God I miss you ttebayo..." he gasped, his heart torn apart by loneliness and woe.

Why the Hell did you have to leave?

Why did you have to leave?

You said you would stay with me forever.

You said you would always be there.

And Naruto's shoulders started shaking with painful hiccups as the blonde haired boy hugged his pillow tightly to his chest. He would give anything, anything to feel Kakashi's arms around him, to feel his masked lips on his hear.

He would give anything just to hear him say:

"Shh, I'm here...Don't cry...I'm here..."

Anything.

Please Kakashi, come back to me.

Come back to me, ttebayo...

And on these words, Naruto kept crying for a long time, clutching to Kakashi's memory, clutching his pillow to his chest, before slipping into a nervous, agitated slumber.

And the dream he had that night felt tantilizingly real.

He was passing by Konoha's gates and he a very familiar silhouette pass the gates of Konoha. It was a tall, slender man, with a rebel mane of silver hair overlooking his masked face.

Kakashi.

He kept looking at him. Kakashi was saluting his comrades at the gates. It had been almost a month, and everyone was happy to have him back again. Iruka was giving him a brief hug when Kakashi's eyes met Naruto's.

At this moment, Naruto's heart flooded with an emotion so strong he thought he was going to cry. Kakashi let go of Iruka, and took a few steps towards the blonde, who didn't even think about what he was doing.

He dashed forward and before Kakashi had time to blink, Naruto had thrown his arms around his neck, his legs around his waist, and buried his face into his strong shoulder. The impact was so strong, so real, that Naruto felt the man stumble slightly backwards. Then he felt his strong arms wrap themselves tightly around him, and Naruto clenched his teeth hard to prevent himself from crying. He was clinging to Kakashi, his face buried in the connexion between the man's neck and shoulder.

It felt so real.

He could feel the silver hair on his temple, breathe his slightly sweaty smell, feel the muscles of his neck under his lips.

Then Kakashi's hand went to tangle in his hair, and he breathed a simple, but so beautiful:

"Yo..."

Naruto swallowed a sob.

"You're late, Kakashi-sensei." he said in his shoulder.

Kakashi chuckled, and Naruto followed him, but his hiccups of laughter turned into small sobs and he clenched his fists in Kakashi's vest, tightening his arms around his neck. His emotion was so strong, so full of every existing feeling that it was frightening. He just wanted to stay here and cry like a stupid child while Kakashi was holding him.

Kakashi seemed to feel it, because he turned to the guards and waved one of his hands :

"Jaa na!"

He disappeared in a poof, with Naruto in his arms, and reappeared on the branch of a tall tree on the the outskirts of town, the very same tree standing behind the bench where Iruka had helped Naruto so much. There, he sat on the branch, leaning aginst the trunk. He put his arms above Naruto's, making his face slide from his shoulder to his chest. There, he tucked his nose in the hollow of his clavicle with a hand in his hair, while the other was encircling his shoulders, forcing him into a tender, caring, loving embrace.

And he sighed, squeezing Naruto tight.

So tight.

So tight Naruto was absolutely sure he could feel his bones breaking.

"Hey, hey hey...you okay, Naruto-chan?"

Naruto gulped and hid his face further in Kakashi's chest. The feeling of his clavicle on his nose, the birth of his pectorals on his lips, his throat against his forehead protector, his arms around him.

God he had missed everything.

And it felt so real.

"I missed you", he whispered in a shaky voice.

"Maaa...I missed you too. But I'm here now...it's over..." Kakashi said, stroking his hair.

"I thought..." Naruto gasped.

"What, my darling?"

Oh my God that nickname.

Kakashi had never called him that way...

No...I don't want this to be a dream...No, please.

"I thought you had left me..." Naruto cried.

Kakashi pressed his face down into his pectorals to silence him.

"Shhhh, my baby...my love...I'm not going anywhere...I promise you..." he said, kissing his hair and engulfing him entirely into his chest.

His smell...

It was so real...

"I'm not going anywhere, Naruto...I'm not going anywhere..."

He was kissing his hair...his hands kept running on his back, pressing him, caressing him...

"Shh...don't cry...I'm here..."

Oh please let this be real, ttebayo.

"Don't go...Don't go, Kakashi..."

"I'm here baby, I'm right here." Kakashi kept cooing.

And Naruto kept crying.

"Shh, I'm here, my love..."

Don't let me wake up...

"Don't let go... Sensei, don't let go..."

"I won't. I've got you in my arms...Shh...I'm not letting you out of my arms..."

But his voice was starting to sound distant.

No...

Don't let me wake up...

"I'm here..." Kakashi 's tender whisper lingered from afar.

And before Kakashi's embrace faded away, Naruto whimpered:

"I love you...Kakashi..."

BANG!

Naruto woke up in tears, with a start.

He was tangled in his sheets, his arms clutched tightly around him, his face buried in his pillow.

The thunder was raging outside, and at first he thought it was why he had been awaken. But soon, the sound of a fist pounding on his door rang again in his appartment.

BANG! BANG!

"What the..." Naruto growled.

Who the Hell could come at this hour?!

Not caring if he was in his rabbit pajamas, Naruto stood up and went to the door, sniffing and wiping his remaining tears.

He opened it.

And on the doorstep stood a man.

He didn't recognize him at first.

Until the lightening illuminated his face.

His mismatched eyes.

His silver hair.

...and his face.

His bare face.

Naruto's eyes widened so much they could have popped right out of his head, as well as his heart from his chest.

"Kakashi!" he breathed out.


	11. The Tears of a Lone Wolf

Chapter Eleven: The Tears of a Lone Wolf

The fugitives were running in the forest. The obscurity of the night was surrounding them, and the heavy sky over their heads was threatening to release its full wrath through devastating thunderbolts.

"He's behind us!" One of the men cried out fearfully.

"Don't look back, Oniko, just keep running!" A strong voice came from the front of the formation.

They kept leaping through the branches, fleeing from a dark shadow that was chasing them and which had already killed three of them in a stealthy, quick and deadly attack. It was like a demon coming straight from the darkest Hell, taking them down one by one within a single scream of terror, pursuing them mercilessly through the thick maze of gloomy trees.

Their feet were slipping on the wet wood, their hands and face kept being scorched by the branches, and the smell of blood and rain was mixing up through their noses, making their senses alert, fearful.

Raito, the chief of the group was sweating, clutching the scroll to his chest, leading his comrades through the woods, trying to repel the dread that was slowly engulfing his frozen heart.

Of all the shinobi of the world, they had to be chased by Him.

His name held an orchestra of screams and blood in its wake. Among the shinobi world, his it was whispered fearfully, like a fatality. They said that if you saw his cursed eye, it meant that you weren't going to make it. He could kill within a blink, without sweating.

However Raito had no choice. The sake of his village was at stake. He had to get that scroll to the Snake man, or the latter would burn his home to the ground and use his comrades for his sick experiments.

When he was asked why he wouldn't request the other Nations' help, Raito had huffed proudly, claiming that his village didn't need to be corrupted by the great Nations, and that it would never submit to their greed nor be colonized by them.

Yet now he was wondering whether his decision was right. As he was running through the trees, sliding on the branches, falling in the mud, his breath itching, his comrades whimpering in fear, he wondered.

Maybe He was much more terrifying than the Snake man after all.

"Raito...AHH!", he heard Iniki scream.

The shining highlight of a kunai...

...it dived right through Iniki's heart...

... the man fell heavily on the ground...

...and the lightening hand recessed in the shadows...

He was coming closer.

Raito was starting to panic. He had led his faithful comrades right to their deaths. The terror he could see in their eyes as they were practically flying over the ground made his heart clench.

They were so young.

And they knew they were going to die.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God..." Elina was whimpering, clutching a kunai in her hand, her green damp hair pressing on her forehead.

"KEEP RUNNING MINNA. DON'T STOP!" Raito yelled.

The thunder was rolling in the heavy clouds, lightning bolts appearing briefly, like wild flames dancing in a prison of coton. The rain was pouring mercilessly, and Raito had a hard time seeing anything through the frozen drops that were slapping him continuously. His heart was beating furiously against his ribcage as his feet were barely touching the ground, his lungs were burning. He had to keep running. He had to keep running with all his might.

Finally, he saw the cavern of trees seeming to lighten up straight ahead. His heart gave a jolt. Maybe their pursuer would be less efficient in the open than it was now hidden in the maze of trees. Maybe it was their chance to leap on him all at once and take him out.

"DONT GIVE UP! I CAN SEE AN OPENING OVER THERE! COME ON! WE HAVE TO REACH IT!" Raito screamed.

"RAITO!" he heard Rina's terrified scream, and the red-headed girl disappeared in the dark, swallowed by two powerful arms.

The flash of a red, spinning eye...

...and she was silenced forever.

"God, what have I done?" He wondered out loud, panicked, tears coming up to his eyes.

The thunder was becoming louder in the clouds, threatening to tear them apart violently.

The meadow was nearly at reach. Raito clutched the scroll tighter to his chest and rushed forward. He could taste the blood in his throat, on his tongue, as well as the salt of his tears. Behind him, his comrades were falling, slain by the shadow, which seemed to be everywhere, but totally invisible except for his hand when it was blazing with the mortal, redoutable lightning.

They soon emerged from the thick forest, and at the same time, a powerful, loud thunderbolt erupted from the clouds, tearing the sky apart, blinding them as they were stumbling out of the trees.

However when Raito recovered his sight, he didn't have time to make any further move as he heard a bloodcurling roar coming from behind.

"DOTON! CHIDOUKAKU!"

A deep rumble rose from the earth, before it started to shake so violently Raito and his remaining comrades were thrown to the ground. Elina screamed in terror as gigantic walls of earth rose all around them, as the ground they were standing on was pushed deeper down.

When at last they stepped going down, the walls of the hole created were way too high and slippery for them to ever climb up.

"That's it folks, we have to fight Him." Raito whispered, standing up in the mud.

And in the blazing light, with the distant howl of a fierce wolf, a silhouette stood out from the darkness, rising high on his feet on the top of the wall, looking down at them.

It was a very tall man, with incredible silver hair flying in the wind. His body was slender and gracious, his arms and legs long and muscled. He was wearing a black suit, and his face was entirely covered with a sombre cloth, except for his eyes which were shining in the dark.

One of them was blood-red, with spinning black dots.

He was terrifying.

"Return the scroll.", he said in a calm but immensely threatening voice.

The chief of the thieves bravely raised his head in defiance.

"We take our orders from Orochimaru-sama only." he said, trying to cover the wind with his voice.

The Sharingan warrior slowly brought his hands together, and the thieves gulped.

"Then so be it." he whispered.

The blinding light of a hand surrounded by lighning...The sound of a thousand birds...

And he leaped on them.

The rest of the scene was lost in a bloody mist. The thieves didn't have time to understand what was happening to them. The warrior was so fast they couldn't see him. Blood-curling screams were heard everywhere while the Sharingan warrior was cornering the men one by one, cutting their throats and stabbing their hearts. The thunder was accompanying his incredibly strong punches, the wind was whirling at the rhythm of his body, dancing over the corpses, dodging the attacks, aiming straight at his ennemies hitting them with extraordinary violence.

At last, their was only Raito left.

Covered in blood and tears, the man stumbled backwards, trying to get away from that horrible, dreadful silver-haired assassin.

"Please don't kill me..." He whined.

The Sharingan warrior didn't answer. His eyes were hard, cold and devoid of any trace of humanity. He looked like Death itself.

"I'm implor..."

Raito never got the time to end his plea.

"RAIKIRI!"

The Copy Ninja's blazing arm went right through the man's heart, who choked on his own blood...

...and it was when their eyes met.

In Raito's awe-struck eyes, the Sharingan warrior saw pure fear, a terror so raw it was inconceivable.

And most of all, he saw the true reason he had been begging the Hokage to give him any mission to flee the village. At last, he saw the true purpose of his quest.

At last, he saw himself, in all his horror, all his tenebrosity.

At last, he saw Hatake Kakashi.

As he dived his mismatched eyes in the dying ones, his mind filled with the huge amount of similar looks that he had provoked.

In these dying eyes, he saw his dark years in ANBU.

He saw Rin, spluttering blood and whispering his Name as his hand was dived right through her chest. He saw Obito, crushed under an enormous rock, asking him to take care of Rin.

In these dying eyes, he saw all the people he had killed, all the people that had died because of him. He saw what he had been running from for all these years.

In these dying eyes, Hatake Kakashi saw himself for what he truly was, for the first time.

A bringer of death and destruction.

And as the chief of the bandits was collapsing on the ground, his eyes now fixing nothingness, Hatake Kakashi, the Sharingan warrior, the legendary Copy Ninja of Konoha...

... Fell.

He collapsed near the corpse, staring at his hands and arms drenched in blood.

"Sensei", he breathed out, tears flooding his eyes.

His hands were shaking violently, his teeth were clenched tightly together.

"Look at what I have become" Kakashi whispered.

Ragefully, he tore off his mask, behind which he had kept all his sorrow and darkness confined, and he raised his head to the sky. There, a fantastic thunderbolt illuminated his desperate, tortured soul in all its nudity.

A desperate, raw scream tore through his throat.

"LOOK AT WHAT I HAVE BECOME!"

And he burst into long, painful, harrowing tears.

Hatake Kakashi was a ruined, shattered man, and the full force of it had just hit him right in the heart.

He was a man full of shadows and doubts, carefully hidden behind his dark mask. He was a man always struggling with his past. Always trying to wash the blood off his hands without ever succeeding.

At last, he had the answer he had fled Konoha to find.

"What are you so afraid of, Kakashi?", Sakura had asked him.

Now he had the answer.

He was afraid of himself.

The voice... The voice ringing in his head...

Naruto isn't meant for you because...

 _God...I know the answer..._

 _Naruto isn't meant for me..._

 _...because I am cursed._

And on that realization, all his life came into perspective. All the people he had loved and lost. All the people he had drawn away from him. All the people he had watched die, and all the people he had killed.

 _I am the very core, the very essence of the reason why I can't confess my love to Naruto._

 _I am cursed._

 _The people I love are eventually drawn away from me. Either they flee from me, either they are killed because I can't protect them, either I have to kill them myself._

Kakashi couldn't confess his love to Naruto as he had never been able to confess it to the people he loved, because he had always feared he would lose them as he had lost his father, who had preferred to kill himself rather than raise him. And as the years had gone by, he had always feared he would make the people he loved flee him if he opened his dark, tormented heart to them.

So since he was a little boy, he had tried to stop his heart from feeling. He had tried to hide behind the rules, behind duty, behind his capacities.

He had spent his entire life hiding behind gigantic walls he had built himself.

And now, as he was clutching his hands to his shattered heart, his entire body shaking with deep sobs, he realized that in fact, he had always been hiding from himself, and from the immense guilt the death of his father had provoked inside him.

Actually, he felt guilty for so many things.

"I'm sorry..."

He was hiding from the devastating guilt of being too young when his mother died. From the guilt of not being able to comfort and support his father when the entire village had turned its back on him.

"I'm sorry..."

He was hiding from the atrocious realization that he might be gifted by Nature with extraordinary capacities, but that even with these capacities, he could not save his father. He could not give him back the taste of living.

"God, I'm so sorry..."

His father wouldn't stay for the failure he was.

Kakashi's eyes poured endless tears, screaming the atrocious pain he had kept buried in the deepest parts of his young heart, like a lonely silver wolf howling in the moonlight, his screams mixing with the thunder, like a harrowing chant of despair.

He had kept running.

Running from his own cowardice, running from his huge capacity to love. He didn't deserve to love or to be loved because he would eventually lose the ones he cared about, and it would be all his fault.

He had thrown himself into work, nearly killing himself at it. His only objective was to be stronger, so that his father would be proud of him from the heavens, and forgive him for not being there. Yet even though he became a Jounin when he was eleven years old, it didn't ease the pain.

On the contrary, the pain kept increasing, never faltering, never leaving him any form of respire, as short as it might have been.

He gasped, new tears spilling on his cheeks. His arms came around his torso, and he rocked himself back and front, shaking and hiccoughing like he had rarely done. He curled up on himself like a lost child, covered in blood, tears and rain, sitting in the middle of a dozen of lifeless bodies.

He felt cold.

He felt alone.

So alone...

He might be the legendary Copy-Ninja, the strong and powerful Hatake Kakashi, the best shinobi of Konoha...but deep inside, he was crushed, alienated by terror. He was terrified. So terrified because like Obito, like Rin, like Minato, other people had broken through his barrier. Sakura, Sai, Iruka, Yamato...

...and especially Naruto.

All the people he had once loved had died by his fault. And it had nearly happened again on that dreadful day. Again, he had drawn his loved ones into an ambush. Again, he had almost lost Sakura, Sai...

...and Naruto had literally died in his arms, saving his sorry, useless soul.

If Sakura hadn't been there, Kakashi would have lost Naruto forever, and the mere idea of Naruto dying was unbearable. It tore his heart apart, it made it bleed like it had never bled. It made him go mad with excruciating pain, his very soul pierced by an infinity of flaming swords.

"I don't want to lose him, sensei, Kakashi sobbed desperately. I'm cursed, I'm responsible for the death of all the people I love, and I can't bring the curse on Naruto. I can't."

As the abandoned son of the White Fang was letting out heart-wrenching sobs, he curled up on the cold ground, and he told himself how much he longed for Naruto. How much he needed him. Naruto was his amulet, his antidote. That was the idea he had clung to so desperately as he was lying in the mud, back on the battlefield, ready to let himself drift to the arms of Death. He was literally the light which had pulled him out of the shadows.

However himself carried so much death, so much suffering in his wake that he couldn't bring himself to drag Naruto into his world, because opening his heart to Naruto would mean showing the love of his life who he really was inside. It meant letting him see the horror and the heedlessness, the regrets, the blood and the tears that he kept carefully hidden in his soul.

It meant showing him the wild, cold-blooded assassin he had become in ANBU.

He didn't deserve him, he told himself, tears drowning his cheeks in a steady, painful gush, as his heart was bleeding, as the pain was crushing him down on the ground.

 _I don't deserve such an incredible being. I don't deserve to hold Light itself in my arms when my arms are drenched in blood. What would I bring him? What can my tortured, shattered soul could possibly bring him? How could I ask him to deal with so many shadows? He has suffered so much already. I can't ask him to protect me against myself... I'm not even sure I can protect him. I couldn't protect my father. I couldn't protect Obito...I couldn't protect Rin...And I couldn't protect Sensei... And how can I deserve Naruto's love or friendship if I am not even capable of keeping my promises? I promised Obito I would protect Rin. I promised Sensei I would watch over Obito and Rin._

 _And I promised Naruto I would tell him the truth if he lived._

How could Naruto love a man that threw his dignity away to implore Death's mercy to let the love of his life live, and then didn't respect his end of the bargain? How could he claim to truly love Naruto if he didn't scream at Fate, at God, at the Devil, his gratefulness for his life?

Kakashi's mind was crushed by all the pain, all the regret, all the guilt he had been keeping deep within is heart for so many years. Yet among his devastating emotions, deep, deep in his heart, a certitude raised slowly to his conscience, carried by the memory of Naruto's blazing, reassuring smile. Little by little, raised the convinction that there was only one thing left he could do. Only one thing he could do to redeem himself.

He had known it since the very beginning, and his long, desperate introspection had made him reach the same, everlasting conclusion.

He was tired of hiding from himself. He was tired of living in the dark.

He needed Naruto.

Naruto was his guiding star in the stormy, apocalyptic night. He was the warm flare through the devastating snowstorm. He was the beacon in his bleak world of dust and sad memories.

He was his only chance of redemption.

Naruto was the only one capable of breaking the curse...

... but he had to stop hiding.

He had to open his tortured heart and soul to Naruto. He had always, always regretted not doing it with the ones he loved...And maybe that was precisely what cost them their lives.

Kakashi raised on his feet, clutching the scroll to his chest.

He was only thinking about one thing.

Going straight to Naruto.

Tonight, he would break free from his long-time prison.

Tonight, he would seal his vow.

/

And now he was standing in front of an astonished, completely flabbergasted Naruto.

"Kakashi!"

"Yes. This is what I truly am, Naruto", the man answered in a deep, moved voice.

His cheeks covered in tears, Kakashi watched as Naruto slowly came to him, reaching out his arms.

"Kakashi sensei, what happened to you?" he breathed out, his blue eyes full of an emotion Kakashi could not decipher in his distress.

The jounin didn't answer.

Naruto took another step, and slowly embraced Kakashi in his arms. He pushed his silver haired head on his shoulder, and held him tight while Kakashi answered by wrapping his arms around him so tightly Naruto thought he would snap.

"I'm tired of hiding, Naruto."

"Shhh, from what, Kaka-chan? Hiding from what?" Naruto said, squeezing the taller man tightly in his arms, stroking his hair with devotion.

"From myself."

He remained silent for a moment, just savouring Naruto's embrace, closing his eyes while his hands ran in the blonde, cherished hair.

Then, at last, he started opening his heart.

"I'm not just your sensei, or your friend, or your family Naruto...I am also an assassin."

He felt Naruto tense up in his arms and he winced, but he went on, wrapping his arms tighter around the blonde.

"I have killed so many people, my hands are soaked with blood. My soul is filled with shadows...My nights are haunted by terrified eyes and blood-curling screams. That is a part that you never saw in me, Naruto, but it is there. It exists within me. I have brought death and destruction upon this world, and my name is legendary precisely because it has caused so much pain and suffering."

Kakashi made a pause, biting his lips, rocking Naruto from left to right.

"But Naruto... when you died in my arms, I made a promise.", he finally whispered.

He squeezed him tighter, his chest beating hard against his ribcage.

"I promised that if you lived, I would tell you that..."

That was it. He was standing right on the edge of the precipice. The dark hand came back over his heart, but Kakashi had faced himself at last. He had reached the most remote, painful parts of his tortured heart, and there he had found his very reason to live. It was like riding a wave of light: Kakashi didn't know what Naruto would answer. He knew the risk of breaking everything they had was great. He knew that after telling him, there would be no going back. They would never be the same. However he knew now that it was the only thing he could do. It was the thing he should have done way before. It was the only way he could make up to all the ones he had ever loved without ever telling them: opening his soul to the being he loved the most.

So he took the deepest breath of his life...

... and jumped.

"That I am in love with you." he breathed out, finally.

There. He had said it.

He had said it.

He felt Naruto gasp and try to disengage himself from his arms, but the jounin hugged him tighter.

"Shh! shhh..." he whispered desperately.

He cradled the back of Naruto's head in his palm and crushed his face in the strong muscles of his chest, silencing him, trapping him in a powerful embrace.

"No please...Please, Naruto-chan... let me finish...Shhh, my love, my beautiful love...Let me speak...Don't run away", he begged, kissing his hair with devotion, wrapping his free arm around the blonde's shoulders, his other hand keeping his nose and lips pressed inside his chest.

And again, like a prayer, he said the same words he had once said through desperate sobs to a young man dying in his arms, sitting in the mud and blood, sealing his vow under the raging night.

"Even if you hate me, even if you never want to see me again..."

Damn, that was so hard. He was attacking the inner fortress he had been carefully erecting throughout is entire life. It felt just as though he had taken a gigantic mace and started pummeling the huge walls down, not knowing what he was going to find behind.

Yet Kakashi went on. He had to find out.

"Please...let me love you from afar. Let me watch over you from the shadows. Let me drink just some of the tiniest rays of light you are casting."

The walls crumbled a little more under the blows, and Kakashi felt like he was saying goodbye. Tears started again to pour on his bare, naked cheeks. God, this was too difficult, but for the sake of his love for Naruto, he had to go on, even if he had to die in the process. He felt like he was indeed ripping his broken, twisted heart from his chest to give it to Naruto, for him to do whatever he wanted with it.

"I will remain in the wilderness, out of your sight, out of your circle. I will be invisible, just a shadow in the night, a whisper in the wind. But please, please Naruto, let me lay down just close enough to you, close enough for me to feel your fire, just to warm my cold, tired heart. Just enough to fall asleep with your light watching over me, chasing away the demons, healing my wounded soul. I'm not even asking for you to look at me. I'm not even asking for you to talk to me. I'm not even asking for you to think about me. I just want to feel your heat in the dark, I want to follow your immense, and beautiful, so beautiful light..."

Kakashi's throat tightened and he swallowed a sob as whole parts of the fortress collapsed around his locked up heart.

"I...I can't conceive life without you in it, Naruto-chan. I can't conceive a life deprived of your magnificient aura. Without you I would be blind, stumbling through the ashes of my own world, reaching out my arms to hold your ghostly shape to my tormented, frozen heart, my eyes crying endlessly until they had nothing else to pour but blood. I...I would strain my ear until it fell just to hear an echo of your laugh, or the slight caress of your feet on the dusty ground. I would...I would breathe the poisonous air until my lungs burned, just to catch a fraction of your smell. Without you, Naruto-chan, I...I would be nothing more than a... a harrowing sob, an agonizing scream, a shattered whisper roaming into nothingness, into a hellish, gloomy world of tears and bitter memories, longing for the sweet arms of death, longing for them to take me to wherever you rested, my utmost love, so I could lie down next to you and hold you and shush you while the universe silently wore away..."

He made a pause again, and tenderly kissed the blonde's hair where his tears went to nestle, feeling Naruto's breath in his pectorals, tightening his arms around him. He was now reaching the core part of the fortress, the part where he had tried to keep all his emotions locked away. Even though it had already been severly damaged by the immense love Naruto and his friends had covered him with, it was still standing, and Kakashi knew he was the only one capable of bringing it down forever.

"You taught me to love again. You woke my heart from the ashes, and you made me feel something I had never ever felt before. What I feel for you is so alienating it cannot be put into words. Even though I said I love you thousands of times, covering you with kisses, suffocating you in my arms, swallowing you in my body, it would never even come near to the reality of my true feelings for you. These feeling had me fight at the gates of death, they made me reach deep down into my own heart to face my darkest demons. They made me conjure all the will I had left to live, because you showed me the utmost purpose of my life."

The words were now coming right from his heart, he couldn't stop them anymore. The same words that poured out of his heart while he was holding an almost dead Naruto came out again, but this time they were bravely directed to a well alive man. At this precise moment, Kakashi pulled away from Naruto and planted his passionate eyes into the blue ones, holding his face into his hands.

"I'm living for you, Naruto. I'm living to laugh with you, to cry with you, to walk beside you and guide you in your life, to encourage you and support you in every path you will take. I'm living to protect you against the entire universe. I'm living to swallow you close and tight in my chest everyday and everynight. I'm living to fight your fears with my arms, to caress your tears away with my lips, to shush your anger and your doubts with my voice. I hereby make the promise to dedicate my entire life to you, my beautiful, my precious love. I love you, and I will always do, even if you push me away. I will always watch over you for the rest of my life, and when I'm just particles of dust, I will follow you, I will keep whispering in your ear how much I adore you. When the world is gone, when everything is nothing more than darkness, woe and cold, I will search for you. When I find you, my eternal love will envelop you whole and keep you warm, as you have always done for me. That is why I will always, always be with you, beyond the end of Time itself.

That was it. The last remains of the fortress crashed down on the ground, and Kakashi fell silent, anxiously waiting for Naruto's answer.

His heart was beating fast in his chest, echoing the most passionate, blazing declaration of love he had ever, ever made. His gigantic fortress now laid shattered to pieces at his feet, completely destroyed, leaving his heart bare and vulnerable, beating fast.

So fast...

And then...


	12. The Finding

Chapter Twelve: The Finding

 **AN: Before you kill me, there won't be any lemon in this chapter, but the next one which is coming VERY SOON! I know many of you expected lemon in here, but the chapter was becoming way too long and I had to cut it at some point. I'm sorry sorry sorry to have you wait a little longer! Don't worry, I'm almost done with the lemon scene :o) I want to do my best to make you spend a good time.**

When Naruto recognized his sensei, he litterally couldn't believe what he was seeing. His blue eyes were drifting over the face he had always sought to see without ever succeeding, the face of that man he had come to love to the brink of madness. As they both fell silent in the storm raging over Konoha, frozen on Naruto's threshold, Naruto actually didn't know whether Kakashi was particularly beautiful according to the average norm. He had a straight, angled jaw line and an elegant, rather thin nose. The scar on his sharingan eye was running deep, almost to the corner of his slim, delicate lips. On the left part of his chin, he had a large, dark beauty spot, and Naruto almost smiled, thinking it was the cutest thing he had ever seen. Kakashi's forehead protector was nowhere to be seen, and his wild hair was falling around his face, darkened and heavied by the diluvian rain.

However what hit Naruto right within the heart was the extraordinary passion, the endless, almost terrifying emotion he could read in every one of his elegant features. What made his entire body shiver was the astronomic, the transcendantal, the otherworldy fire he could read in all of them. His eyes were merely fantastic, swallowing him whole into an inferno that would make the Devil himself grow pale. On his bare face, Naruto could at last read everything that Kakashi was, and he dived right within his soul. There he found the incommensurable pain to have loved and lost, the ghastly darkness of a man scrambling through the ruins of his own world of doubts and shadows, but a man always fighting against himself to protect his village, his friends...

...and Naruto himself.

Naruto didn't know whether Kakashi was particularly beautiful according to the average norm, but to him, he was absolutely magnificient.

In its entirety, that immense passion was directed straight at him, Uzumaki Naruto. No one had ever, ever looked at him that way. Never had Naruto seen so much fervor within anyone's eyes, a dedication so extraordinary that it could shatter the stars to pieces, a feeling so tender it could make the hardest steel melt into water. However Kakashi's handsome face was tortured. He lowered his mismatched eyes and his thin mouth twisted in a wince, creating a slight dimple in his cheek.

"Yes...This is what I really am, Naruto.", he said, tears coming up to his eyes and falling on his cheeks. He seemed so helpless, so wistful it made Naruto's heart clench. He couldn't bear the sight. He couldn't stand the sight of so much pain within the eyes of that man he cherished more than anything. He forgot his anger at the Jounin for leaving without a word, he forgot the long wait, the freezing nights crying alone in his bed. At this precise moment, wiping these nasty tears away from Kakashi's beautiful face was all that mattered to Naruto.

"Kakashi-sensei...What happened to you?".

The jounin didn't answer. Tears kept pouring on his cheeks like blood. Naruto took a few steps towards him and couldn't resist. He embraced him slowly, clutching him to his heart, standing slightly on his tiptoes in order to tuck his silver-haired head on his shoulder. He was so wet it felt as though the man was coming right out of the shower. As Kakashi answered passionately by encircling Naruto's body in his strong arms, crushing him, he whispered something most puzzling.

"I'm tired of hiding, Naruto."

"Shh, from what, Kaka-chan? Hiding from what?"

"From myself".

As the thunder was rumbling in the sky, the rain pounding heavily on the roof, Naruto kept holding Kakashi gently, reassuringly, making him know he was here. He had never seen such a distress within his sensei's eyes. He was always the strong Hatake Kakashi, the one you could always look up to, the one who could always be in charge of the entire world. He could feel the man shiver in his arms, and Naruto squeezed him tighter. He felt Kakashi sway them both from left to right, his arms tightening around him. Naruto listened, heartbroken, as Kakashi told him that he was a killer haunted with the screams of his victims. He listened as Kakashi told him how much pain and destruction he had brought upon the world, gritting his teeth. He couldn't bear to hear Kakashi speaking so evil of himself while he obviously was such a precious, beautiful person. He was overwhelmed by a fantastic need to protect that man, to shield him from the world as Kakashi had always done for Naruto. The blonde would have been thoroughly lost on the road of life if Kakashi hadn't been there, and he intended to pay him back by being there for him in return, by reaching out his hand to help him find his own way through the somber world he had been swallowed up into along the years.

And then, Naruto's heart stopped right within his chest when he heard words he would never have dreamed to come out from his former sensei, let alone addressed to himself.

"I am in love with you."

Naruto's eyes welled up with tears as his heart exploded under the raging emotion, but all he could utter was a strangled gasp as he tried to disengage himself from Kakashi's arms and scream how much he loved him too. However Kakashi seemed to misinterpret his reaction. Naruto felt himself being swallowed within his strong arms, while the jounin shushed him hastily, desperately. He covered Naruto's arms with his own, and he grabbed the back of his head to push his face into his pectorals in that gesture the young man had missed so much, muffling his voice, begging him to stay, showering his golden hair with kisses. Naruto closed his eyes as his lips were crushed on the curve of Kakashi's chest muscles, as his nose was deeply taking in that musky, slightly sweaty smell he had coveted for long weeks that had felt like years. Then as though he was meandering in a haze of confusion coloured with a thousand of contradictory emotions going from utmost love and happinness to bottomless fear and woe, Naruto listened to Kakashi's beautiful voice rolling passionately in his ears along with the thunder tearing up the clouds. He listened to him while the jounin made the most incredible, the most ardent love declaration he had ever, ever heard.

"Even if you hate me, even if you never want to see me again..."

How on earth could Naruto hate that man? How on earth could Kakashi think such a thing? As he was talking, the jounin never let go of Naruto. Never did the strength of his embrace falter for a second. Naruto could feel his former sensei's body shiver slightly as his voice was quivering, yet he kept talking. He kept telling Naruto how devoted to him he would remain, how much he needed Naruto's life to keep him from shivering alone in his world of ghosts and regrets. Each and everyone of his words was beautiful and carried so much emotion that Naruto had to prevent himself from bawling loudly into Kakashi's chest.

Then Kakashi himself let out a sob. The sound was brief, yet it was harrowing. It came from the utmost depths of Kakashi's heart, and it shattered Naruto's to a million of pieces. That sound reminded him the incredible pain he had witnessed Kakashi going through while he was dying in his arms. He remembered how surprised he had been, lying there against his chest, to see Kakashi cry for the first time of his life. As he was slowly fading away from the world, his vision blurry and desoriented, he had reached out to catch one of the painful tears that were leaking from the silver-haired jounin's desperate eyes, mixing with blood and sweat.

Maybe...Maybe that was the precise moment he had fallen in love with Hatake Kakashi.

Naruto wanted to say something. He wanted to hold Kakashi so tight the tall man would be nothing more than a pile of shattered bones. But the jounin had him completely engulfed in his powerful arms. Naruto's mouth was wedged against the silver-haired jounin's chest, his arms were trapped against his stomach. Kakashi held him as though he would never, ever let go of him again, as though he condemned him to remain trapped within his embrace for eternity.

"I can't conceive life without you in it, Naruto-chan..."

"You taught me to love again..."

Naruto was completely dumfounded by the words that were leaving Kakashi's mouth. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He couldn't believe that this man he loved so much did feel the exact same things for him. He couldn't believe there was someone on Earth capable of loving him with such incredible passion, such transcendantal fire it could even challenge Death itself. That is why when Kakashi took his face away from his pectorals, holding his cheeks in his tall hands, Naruto couldn't even utter a word. He just looked at him with his blue eyes full of tears. He couldn't hear the rain nor the thunder anymore. He was barely aware of the thunderbolts that were casting ephemeral, powerful light over Konoha. All he could see were Kakashi's fiery, dedicated eyes. All he could see were the tears that were pouring down his bare cheeks, sliding along his deep scar which echoed the huge chasm he had been hiding within his heart for so many years. All he could hear were the inconceivable words that were leaving these thin, trembling lips.

"I'm living for you, Naruto..."

"I will always, always be with you, beyond the end of Time itself".

Kakashi fell silent for a moment, and the shade of unfathomable fear that darkened his grey eye eventually overcame Naruto's sudden ineptitude for speaking, yet the words were too weak. Like Kakashi had said, what he felt right now couldn't be put into words. It was like trying to trap an ocean under a bubble of soap. It was like seeking to catch the wind and hold it into a thimble. It was like attempting to enclose the sun into a jewel box. Thus Naruto didn't say a word. Words were useless. Only actions were at place here.

That's why he reached out and took Kakashi's bare face into his hands, and he crashed his eager lips on the jounin's.

 _Naruto._

 _Is._

 _Kissing._

 _Me._

The kiss was clumsy and desperate, and Kakashi could tell his young love had never done it before.

Yet to him, it was the most magnificient kiss he had ever been given.

Fresh tears poured freely from his eyes as he wrapped Naruto tighter in his arms, deepening the kiss, ravaging his mouth with his, not even letting him breathe. He remembered the last time he had kissed Naruto: he was badly wounded, covered in blood, and his lips were cold, blue and still. The last time had kissed him, he had tried to pry the claws of death off him. He had begged for mercy, he had thrown his dignity away, he had poured all the life, all the love he had left, he had cherished those dead lips and prayed for them to move again. He had held that stiff body so hard to his chest he might have suffocated him if he had been still been alive. He had clung on to that cold, damp body like a relic, like an anchor falling apart and drowning in an ocean of terror and silence.

Yet now that body was warm. These lips were alive...

And they **accepted** him.

They **wanted** him.

They **needed** him.

Kakashi felt his heart burst with a bliss so immense he nearly laughed, while his soul exploded in millions of sparkles.

Naruto didn't want to let go of these lips. He had never ever known how to kiss, but he didn't care, as well as he didn't care about the fact that he could barely breathe. He didn't care. He didn't need air. He could just breathe in Kakashi's mouth, he could take his own breath within the man's lungs, because it had become so obvious that Kakashi had somehow made himself so desperately vital to his own life. As he tangled his hands into the grey, dripping hair, he could feel the tears staining his cheeks, mingling with his saliva, making their kiss salty and even wetter. Kakashi tangled his hands in his blonde hair, licking his lips, his tongue hugging his, exploring the inner walls of his cheeks and drifting over his teeth, before closing both their mouths in a tight tangle of lips with a wet, mushy sound. Again that sensation of being loved unconditionally, again that feeling of an emotion so powerful, so sublime that it overstepped the boundaries between all worlds, that it could outshine Death in an eternity of blazing light and mirth.

"Baka, baka, baka sensei teme..., Naruto cried against Kakashi's lips, punctuating each insult with a kiss, all his body shaking with sobs, thank you...I love you too, Kakashi, God I love you so much ttebayo..."

Kakashi choked back a gasp and wiped Naruto's tears with the back of his hands.

"How can it be possible?" he whispered, afraid of believing, afraid of seeing Naruto vanish in his arms, afraid of all of this being a dream.

"How can I **_not_** love you, Kakashi teme?! How can I not love you when you are so...so...I...I can't...The words..." Naruto sobbed so hard he couldn't speak anymore, and Kakashi's face brightened with a beautiful smile, mixed with fondness and sorrow.

"Shhh, you don't have to say anything...", he whispered against Naruto's lips, before taking him again into his mouth, caressing his nuque with sensuality and shushing him between two kisses, his breath tickling Naruto's skin, making the blonde shiver.

"Why the Hell didn't you say anything?! Why the Hell did you leave without fucking saying anything?!" Naruto cried out, kissing him with so much passion Kakashi thought he was going to litterally eat his mouth. The storm's violence kept increasing over the sleepy village, but they didn't care. Naruto tugged Kakashi's hand, not letting go of his lips, pulling him inside his appartment. Their bodies swere progressively heating, mutual desire and lust rising inside them like growling magma. Naruto slammed the door shut with his foot and shoved Kakashi against the wall, coiling against him like a snake, pressing his avid hands under his dark, damp shirt, his breath itching, his tongue tasting every corner of Kakashi's mouth. Their lips separated again in the wet music of burning desire, and Kakashi grabbed his head almost desperately.

"I...I am afraid...to show you...I have always been afraid...Afraid to break the walls..."

Afraid to see what is behind the walls...

 _The walls..._

 _I have been roaming within their shadow for so long._

 _Now my fortress lies shattered to pieces at my feet, and for the first time in many years I can see past them._

 _Yet wherever I cast my eyes, they are met by the desolated lands of abandon and regret, the hallucinated echoes of an ancient, forgotten world I used to be part of._

 _My heart clenches..._

 _I knew it._

 _There is nothing more in this world than mist and shadows whispering on my path, while I stagger on the dusty ground._

 _The silence is deafening, the loneliness is devastating._

 _The sky is grey and dull, weeping as it contemplates the ruins of a once colourful and happy world, as the sound of the dead leaves crunching under my tired feet resonates throughout the wasteland._

 _And yet somehow, I keep moving on..._

 _I keep moving on, searching for light, like a flower reaching out to drink the last rays of a dying sun after being trapped for years._

 _I keep moving on, on a quest to find solace..._

"I...I was afraid to show you...To show you who I really am..." Kakashi murmured diving his eyes into the blue ones, searching for any glow of doubt or fear in his young love's soul.

 _I'm tired._

 _So tired..._

 _I have broken the walls..._

 _Yet there is nothing behind._

 _I am empty...and it hits me with full force._

 _I am tired. So tired..._

 _How long have I been wandering in circles, lying to myself behind my thouroughly built walls?_

_How long have I been repressing that throbbing, dull pain ripping out my chest? That ache tighting my throat, constricting my lungs, hindering my moves, making me struggle against myself not to succumb to that desperate urge to fall on the ground and curl up on myself until I stop breathing?_

 _All these years..._

 _...and I am nothing more than an empty shell._

 _There's nothing for me out there. Everything died long ago._

 _My knees collide with the hard ground, and I slowly feel the insidious whisper of a thousand of voices crawl up to my ears._

 _I can feel the tug of a thousand of dead, ghostly hands grabbing my clothes, trying to get me down._

 _Maybe..._

 _Maybe I should let them..._

 _Maybe I should just let them take me down..._

 _Maybe I have been walking for too long..._

 _I let myself fall forward..._

 _My cheek lies in the dust..._

 _The voices keep whispering in my ear.._

 _I want them to be quiet..._

 _I want to sleep..._

 _Sleep..._

"I already know who you are, Kakashi.", Naruto asserted in a warm, reassuring voice.

 _In my torpor, I can suddenly feel something furry and warm sliding under my arm, coiling against my chest._

 _I think..._

 _I think it's an animal..._

 _I can hear it whimper softly, and I can feel its tongue licking my tired skin, and its heart beating rapidly against mine._

 _It feels nice..._

 _Having a warm, living body pressed to my chest..._

 _My arms wrap themselves around it, and I bury my face in its fur..._

 _It's comforting..._

 _Oh, I wish you had been there, when I was a child..._

 _I wish I could have held you in my arms after dad died, when I was a child._

 _I wish I could have felt your warmth when I cried alone at night, when I was a child._

 _Wait..._

 _I am still that child..._

"I am an assassin, Naruto, Kakashi leaned his forehead against Naruto's, closing his eyes, his face twisted in a wince, an assassin with no face, with no name, with no past, with no future."

 _I raise my hands before my heavy eyes, and under the weak, dusty light, realize they have shrinked._

 _Somehow, my entire body has._

 _As soon as I stumbled over the ruins of my walls, I have been a child again._

 _What is the meaning of this?_

 _The voices of solitude and regret come back more dangerously..._

 _Tearing at my ankles, whispering how much of a failure I am.._

 _Such a failure dad didn't even want to stay with me..._

 _All he ever wanted was to join mum in death..._

 _Such a failure that I have spent my entire life doing my best to suppress who I was._

 _That bleak, devastated world is the one I have created myself by trying so hard to forget who I was, shutting myself behind these walls..._

 _Such a failure..._

 _God I am so alone. I am so alone..._

"You have a name. Your name is Hatake Kakashi, Naruto's voice asserted firmly, remembering the way Kakashi had reminded him who he was when himself was staggering, struggling through the gates of madness. You have a face, I can see it right here, right now. You are not an assassin, you are a shinobi of Konoha. Konoha is your past and your future. And I am your future."

 _The creature is still there, curling against me, whimpering and licking my tired face._

 _It is as tall as I am, and I can wrap myself around it entirely._

 _I hold it tight to my chest, burying my face in its fluffy neck._

 _It smells of life and warmth._

 _It smells of friendship and love._

 _Oh, I wish you were there when mum and dad left me._

 _I wish you were there when Obito, when Rin, when Minato died..._

 _I wish I had you in these moments, so I could squeeze you in my arms and feel your hot muzzle against my neck, as both our hearts beat together._

 _I wish you were there to remind me that I could still love and be loved in return, without risking to lose you too._

"I have made so many mistakes..." Kakashi whispered painfully.

 _The bitter sting of doubt creeps through my mind again._

 _So many mistakes..._

 _The voices are howling in my head..._

 _So much death around me..._

 _So much despair..._

 _So many tears._

 _I'm clinging to the warm creature curled up against my chest, as the hands are starting to pull me underground._

 _I can't feel my feet anymore, they have already been swallowed._

 _Don't go away, little creature, don't go away..._

 _I'm clinging to it as the storm of emotions threatens to carry me away in an ocean of remorse, as the voices scream in my mind, as the smell of blood makes me want to throw up._

 _I dig my nails into its skin, crushing it to my chest, just to feel it breathe against me, just to be sure there's still something solid and warm I can hold on to._

 _Don't leave..._

 _Don't leave me..._

 _Don't leave me as they all did..._

"So have I, Kakashi ttebayo, I have been oblivious to Sasuke's pain, I wasn't there when Jiraiya sensei died, I wasn't there when Pain slaughtered the entire village and killed you in the process, I wasn't there when Shukaku was extracted from Gaara...Everyone makes mistakes, Kakashi. It's time you stopped blaming yourself. I'm here now, and I love you, for everything you are, for everything you did for me, for the infinite beauty of your soul", Naruto said with absolute sincerity, the words coming up to his mouth without even need to think.

 _Words of hope..._

 _Words of love..._

 _...of a beautiful soul..._

 _They are somehow drifting through my mind..._

 _I can hear the creature purr against my heart._

 _It's a reassuring sound..._

 _My fingers wander through the soft, warm fur._

 _Its body is delicate but firm, I can feel the bones and the flesh under the pelage._

 _I know it is there._

 _I can feel the hot breath on my collarbone._

 _The howling in my head seems to fade out a bit, as I focus on the creature's gentle breathing, on the soft, serene pur that soothes my heart._

Kakashi crushed Naruto's face to his chest and squeezed him with all his strength, making the blonde disappear within his long arms, burying his own face into the golden hair.

"I love you, Naruto...I love you so much...And I'm so scared..."

 _The little creature shifts in my arms and gets out of my embrace._

 _I want to hold it back._

 _No, please don't go._

 _My friend, my only friend..._

 _Don't go away..._

 _Stay with me..._

 _Don't leave me alone..._

 _The screams..._

 _The whispers..._

 _The voices..._

 _They're coming back..._

 _My body keeps sinking in the ground._

 _Please come back..._

 _Let me hold you..._

 _I won't say a word..._

 _I won't cry..._

 _I won't move..._

 _Just let me hold you..._

 _Let me feel you..._

"Scared of **what,** Kakashi?" Naruto managed to say with his mouth pressed against Kakashi's pectorals as he rubbed soothing circles in the silver-haired man's shuddering back.

 _The creature is still there, and soon my vision focuses enough to finally figure out what it is. It's a small, vivid fox._

 _His colours are dazzling in the grey, mournful wilderness, screaming of a life that has abandoned this world ages ago._

 _His beautiful robe is shimmering with gold and fire, and his eyes are expressive, determined, screaming how much they never, ever give up._

 _Wait..._

 _I have seen these eyes before..._

"I am cursed, Naruto...I am cursed...All the people I love die from violent deaths, and I...I can't stand...I...I love you too much...", he gasped, burying his face in the blonde's hair, breathing his warm, solar smell. The words wouldn't even leave his mouth. Naruto's death was unacceptable. It was totally unacceptable. Kakashi clung to the blonde like a drowning man to a rock, his nails digging into his shirt, his body shaking, his heart filling with the now familiar dread that had accompanied him for as long as he could remember. Kakashi's brain was swarming, his heart was flooding with so many emotions. He was so grateful for Naruto's life. He was so grateful for the love he was giving him.

 _I think the fox wants me to follow him, but the voices behind me are growling, the words are accusing, the memories are crushing._

 _My knuckles rasp against the dust, as I feel my body dragged further underground, as though I am drowning in quicksand._

 _I can't feel my legs._

 _My heart weeps yet my eyes are dry, for they have no more tears to pour._

 _I reach out my arms to the beautiful fox._

 _Come back, please._

 _Come into my arms._

 _I want to hold you again._

 _Please, let me hold you forever..._

 _Don't let them eat me..._

 _The fox whimpers and bolts away happily, I can see his bright colours repelling the thick mist that seems to be everywhere in that howling wilderness._

 _The little animal is so dazzlingly beautiful._

 _I want to follow him._

 _I want to follow him to the end of the universe, anywhere, anywhere but here._

 _I can't get up._

 _I am defeated._

 _The screams are ringing in my ears, the smell of blood and tears is overwhelming my nose until it can't smell anything else anymore._

 _I'm buried in the ground up to my chest._

Kakashi let out a sob in Naruto's shoulder and Naruto held him tight, disengaging his face from the man's chest to lay it on his shoulder and turning his face so he could kiss Kakashi's neck while caressing the damp silver hair, delicately shushing in his ear.

"Shhh, Kaka-chan, I'm here. I'm not abandoning you..."

 _The little fox hasn't abandoned me._

 _He runs back to me and puts his soft paw on my hand, licking my face, whimpering soflty, urging me to get up._

 _He growls fiercely at the shadows crawling over me, fighting them back, baring his teeth, snarling like a wild beast, his entire frame shaking with anger._

 _He releases such a formidable aura of power and love, yet he is so small._

 _His eyes are huge and shiny, they are screaming so many words, so many feelings that do not exist anymore in this world._

 _I want to drink these words, I want to ravish on these feelings._

"Kakashi, listen to me. I swear to you, you hear me? I swear I will help you carry your burden, for it is way too heavy for you, and you have been carrying it alone for too long."

 _The fox sinks his sharp teeth into my hand and growls while he drags me out of the pit._

 _Slowly, progressively, the tickling sensation of blood running back through my lower body comes back._

 _And as I'm heaving myself out of the hole, I can suddenly feel warm, sunny rays caress my face._

 _I look up to the sky, surprised to see these beautiful, shimmering highlights pierce through the thick fog._

 _It has been such a long time..._

 _I have been longing to feel that warmth on my face for so long I had almost forgotten how it felt like..._

 _For the first time in many years, I can feel my lips stretch painfully accross my face, in what was once called a smile._

 _I remember..._

 _I remember..._

 _The fox keeps growling and dragging me, and I raise one knee to support me while I'm trying to get up._

"I swear I will hold your hand while I bring you back to the light you have lost, just as you have done twice for me, when I was in a coma or about to forget who I was. Twice you have reached out to me and brought me back to life. Now it's my turn to guide you."

 _One more effort.._

 _The sun feels so warm on my skin..._

 _I can feel my heart yearning for it, I want to tear my clothes off my body to feel the solar flare embrace my naked skin, consuming me in the purifying blaze of infinite love._

 _Wait for me._

 _Don't go away._

 _I'm coming to you._

 _As I raise my head towards the fox, I suddenly notice something that I hadn't seen in my distress._

 _Over there, right beside the fox, there is a lone flower._

 _It's a beautiful primrose, adorned with pink and gold petals, outrimmed with silver._

 _I smile as I suddenly remember something else._

 _Pink..._

 _Flower..._

 _I remember a pink-haired girl with the name of a flower, telling me that primrose symbolized rebirth and young love._

 _Gold..._

 _Golden hair and blue eyes..._

 _Extraordinary blue eyes..._

 _I want to find these blue eyes, at all costs, and I begin to understand where the fox is trying to take me._

" I swear I will fight the demons out of your dreams."

 _I finally succeed in getting up on my feet, and the fox yelps joyfully before darting through the fog._

 _I follow him, my dead heart awakening slowly as it fills with so many strange, forgotten emotions._

 _At my feet, the cold stone starts turning into scattered, dry grass, and more flowers start blooming under the feeble but relentless rays of the sun._

 _Ahead, the fog seems to be clearing, and I can sometimes catch a glimpse of an orange fluffy tail bouncing joyfully._

 _I keep going, I don't want to turn back._

 _There is nothing behind..._

 _...but now, maybe there is indeed something ahead._

 _Maybe there is indeed a future._

"I swear I will silence the screams that haunt you at night."

 _I think I can hear..._

 _The song of a bird..._

 _The sweet, lapping of water running in a river..._

 _The ruffles of leaves..._

 _I can see..._

 _Colours coming back to my sight, highlights dancing through the fog._

 _The flowers are multiplying progressively, so are the trees._

 _They are always more beautiful and diverse, blooming as I come near them, welcoming the renewing sun._

 _I take my sandals off and lay my feet on the grass which is getting greener and thicker._

 _That feeling..._

 _The fresh, young grass under my toes, the sweet caress of the sun on my cheek..._

 _I keep going on, leaving my battered sandals behind, as they get wrapped up in buds._

"I swear I will help you clear the blood on your hands."

 _The mist is almost cleared now._

 _I am in a wide, scintillant glade, with a pond in its middle._

 _All around me, the birds are singing, nature is blooming, and my heart fills with so many emotions I can feel my tired eyes burn with long lost tears._

 _After years spent shut away in my dark tangle of walls, I had forgotten the perfume of flowers, the sound of the water running over stone, of the fishes swimming rapidly._

 _I had forgotten the touch of the wind on my skin, of the leaves under my fingers._

 _The fox is sitting on the edge of the pond, looking at me intensely._

"I swear to you that I will help you forgive yourself, and that together, we will stand under the blazing sun, and shatter that curse you believe is upon you to pieces. Let me face death and tell it that I am never, ever leaving you ttebayo."

 _I finally turn back to where I am coming from._

 _Behind me, the walls of nature are closing on the dark, misty path, as though that devastated wasteland of tears and ghosts had been nothing but a dreadful dream._

 _Suddenly I can hear my name, and when I shift to face the glade again, the fox has turned into a handsome man with golden hair and extraordinary blue eyes._

 _"I found you, Kakashi", the young man says._

 _He takes my hands into his._

 _"This is who you are, this is what has always been lying past your thick fortress"._

He pulled away to take Kakashi's teary face into his hands and dived his cerrulean eyes in the grey and red ones.

"I am here now, Kakashi, and I'm not leaving you, whatever you tell me, whatever happens".

He kissed a tear that rolled down Kakashi's cheek and stared at his beautiful, quivering lips.

"I promise...", he whispered.

 _The blonde-haired man smiles, and the warmth of that smile blinds me right on the spot._

 _"Come on, Kakashi, let's start your new life together."_

 _At this moment, at this precise moment, the missing part of my heart shifts back into place, and I feel whole again._

 _I have been found._

 **AN: as I wrote above, I know many of you expected lemon at this point, but I promise it's coming very soon (before the end of the week) in the next chapter. As I was writing I was progressively feeling that the chapter was way too long, and I felt cutting it there was the right thing to do. Bear with me, and thank you so much for following me :")**


	13. The Salvation

Chapter Thirteen: The Salvation

 **AN: I wrote this listening at so many things I can't remember, but I ended it particularly listening to Josh Groban's February Song, You Raise me Up, and Broken Vow, so feel free to immerge yourself in the music :)**

 **After the request of some of you, I put here a glossary of some of the japanese terms you will find in there:**

 **Ore wa koko ni iru yo, nakanaide = I'm here, don't cry**

 **Daijôbu = it's okay**

 **Wakatta= understood**

 **Koneko= kitten**

 **Sumimasen= sorry**

 **Mitsuketta= I found you**

 **Omoshiroi desho= That should/could be interesting**

 **Ore mo aishiteru= I love you too**

 **Ojiji chan= old man**

 **Have a nice reading and don't hesitate if there are still some words you don't understand:)**

Kakashi let out a gasp half-way between a sob and a laugh. He cradled Naruto's head in his hands and crashed their lips together again in a languid, tender, desperate kiss, as he felt the oceans of desire carry his entire being away in a fantastic storm. The feeling was astonishing, it was just as though Kakashi was born again, as though the huge void in his chest had just been completed by that man who had been his friend for so long. He felt all his body light up like a torch as he squeezed Naruto in his arms, devouring every single ounce of skin, sucking his lips, growling softly, as he felt his crotch ache increasingly.

As Naruto was flush against him, he could feel the young man's attraction as well, and his lips stretched in a carnivous smile. Naruto was panting hard, his skin was boiling. His hands were shaking in Kakashi's hair, pulling on them, kissing Kakashi hastily, in messy, febrile gasps, as though he had not enough mouths to kiss the silver-haired man and swallow him whole before all of this vanished into thin air. Kakashi chuckled softly and took Naruto's face into his tall hands, pulling away with a nuzzle of his straight nose against Naruto's slightly snub one.

"Shhh...easy, my love...easy...I'm not going anywhere...shhh" he murmured while hovering his lips just above Naruto's, making sure his breath was caressing the swollen lips, tingling the young man's nerves.

Naruto whined and stretched his neck forward to catch these hypnotizing lips, but Kakashi envelopped his head in his arms.

"Shhh...Patience..."

He smiled again and gently, tenderly, he pressed his lips on the blonde's nose, biting it slightly, while he shifted his arms to enclose Natuto's head in his hands, and kneaded his nuque in circle motions, bringing his face closer. Outside, a loud crack of thunder ripped the sky open, and they got both briefly illuminated, tangled in Naruto's hall.

"Shhh..." Kakashi soothed, laying another gentle kiss again on the corner of Naruto's lips, like an impish butterfly, "shhh..."

Naruto absolutely loved when Kakashi shushed him this way. He couldn't explain how this soft, tender shushing could have such an effect on him. It caused huge waves of desire throughout his entire body. It caused his stomach to fill with a swarm of bees, all the hairs of his body to stand straight on his skin. Was it the way Kakashi's breath was caressing his skin like delicate, flowery wings? Was it the tenderness of the little sound, so simple yet so reassuring, so full of love and protection? The blonde closed his eyes as Kakashi's expert lips explored every part of his flushed face, knowing exactly what he was doing, putting Naruto in some sort of blissful trance. The rain kept pouring above them, with a violence which contrasted drastically with Kakashi's tenderness.

The silver-haired man lowered his head again and captured Naruto's lips in a long, languid kiss. Then he let go, took a breath and pulled Naruto back into his mouth, kissing him in the same quiet, devoted pace, guiding the blonde in a slow, deep rhythm, wrapping his arms tightly around his shoulders. Naruto followed him, his eyes still closed, letting himself be carressed in the wetness and warmth of Kakashi's mouth, while their tongues coiled in a ballet of fierce hugs and marveled sighs. Soon Kakashi sped up the pace a little, and he let out a soft, lustful moan, as he grabbed Naruto's leg and raised it to his hip, shoving the blonde's back to the opposite wall, crushing his body to him, smiling devilishly when he felt the boy's length collide hard with his toned abs.

"Hohoho, someone's very horny there...", he sang with that light, slightly high voice he had when he was joking or simply in a good mood.

God, Naruto loved Kakashi's voice, he told himself, as he was gliding his finger along the deep scar on Kakashi's left eye, drowning in his lustful, blazing stare. Within the flash of a thunderbolt, it could go from mellifluous, light and high, to a shallow, deep bass that would make your skin vibrate with it.

"I can return the compliment to you, teme ttebayo." He panted, grabbing Kakashi's collar and smiling impishly as he could indeed feel that Kakashi wasn't impervious to his charms.

"Took you long enough to notice...!" Kakashi purred, diving on Naruto's offered throat.

"I am not an idiot for nothing, am I?" Naruto snickered, biting his lip and closing his eyes as a new wave of heat overwhelmed him at the feeling of Kakashi kissing and licking his throat.

Kakashi had a deep, low laugh, and the vibration against the blonde's skin felt divine, covering his skin with goose-bumps.

"You are MY idiot...My one and only idiot..."

The tenderness, the utmost devotion in his voice nearly threw the blonde over the edge.

"Yes...yes I'm yours..." He sighed blissfully, tangling his hand into Kakashi's still wet hair, pressing his face into his throat, rubbing his body against his. Then he raised Kakashi's head and he kissed him fiercely, imperiously, pushing the taller man back against the door frame of his living room.

"And so are you." He seethed possessively, planting his blue eyes into the mismatched ones who softened in fondness.

"I am mine deshô?" Kakashi sang, his eyes crinkling.

It was the first time Naruto saw Kakashi's real face when he was displaying his famous crinkle smile, and he felt his heart stop at the sight. Kakashi's smile was deepening his dimples, and that beauty spot on his chin made him look so young and cheeky.

"Shut up ttebayo!" Naruto growled, making Kakashi throw his head backwards with his slightly high pitched laugh he had when he was particularly proud of one of his pranks, like on the day he had made Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura believe he was going to show them his face. Actually, he had lowered his mask only to show them another mask below, and he had burst into a happy, shining laughter as the three genin had almost fainted with frustration.

"Ahh, my baby..." Kakashi breathed out, his deep vibrating voice returning, full of love and tenderness, like dark chocolate coated with honey, tears of mirth springing from his eyes.

As the silver haired jounin laughed heartily, Naruto paused to look at him, smiling fondly. His cheekbones were high, his hair was falling like a silver mane around his face, a few strands shaking along with his body. His teeth were globally straight, except for one of his front teeth which came slightly forward. He also had long and sharp canines like those of a wolf, giving him a most unique, "kakashily" smile.

At the sight, Naruto was suddenly overwhelmed by an emotion so intense he felt the tears come up to his eyes again. He grabbed Kakashi's hair and crushed his lips once more on the laughing, gasping ones, which caused a bit of teeth bumping in the process.

"You're so beautiful, sensei..." he murmured, trying hard not to cry. He couldn't explain how deeply moved he was at the sight of his dear friend happy at last. He couldn't explain why he suddenly felt like he was going to burst in tears again. That man in front of him had suffered so much, for so long. Naruto couldn't help picturing him as a young, lonely child hiding behind a mask to conceal his pain. He couldn't help seeing him sit alone on the bench outside the academy, waiting for his father he knew would never come back. He couldn't bear the idea that Kakashi had gone through the same loneliness he himself had to endure for long years. He wanted to take the jounin into his arms and hold him until the man couldn't breathe, just to make up for all these years he couldn't be there with him, just to let him know that he would never, ever let him be sad again.

"I love you, Kakashi ttebayo..." He said, his voice fierce and quivering, dying in his throat as a tear fell on his whiskered cheek.

Kakashi frowned when he noticed Naruto's emotion and he embraced him tighter in his arms, answering to the demanding kiss with passion and tenderness, caressing Naruto's blonde hair in a soothing motion.

"Hey...hey...you okay, sweetheart?" Kakashi asked very gently, parting their avid lips off from each other and taking Naruto's head in both his hands.

Naruto's cerrulean eyes let out even more crystal tears and he sniffed.

"I want you to be happy. I don't want you to ever suffer anymore. I can't stand seeing you suffer ttebayo..." He said stubbornly, trying hard not to burst in sobs.

Kakashi's eyes tinted with sadness.

"Oh, my baby...shhh daijôbu" he said, before thoroughly catching every single tear in his lips , as though to hug them in his mouth and never let them fall.

"Daijôbu. Come here." He breathed softly, taking Naruto's head within his hands and bringing is face into his chest. There, he squeezed him tightly, holding him dearly, tenderly, protectively, one arm wrapped closely around his shoulders as the other maintained his face pressed against his heart.

"You found me. I was lost, but you found me, ne, Naruto?" He whispered, his voice tightening in his throat as himself was moved by all the crushing emotions they both were living, "we're together now, my love. Nothing in the world could ever make me happier. Shhh...don't cry...don't cry..." He soothed, wrapping both his arms tighter around Naruto's shoulders and burying his face in his blonde, lemon-scenting hair.

"Ore wa koko ni iru yo... Nakanaide...Shhh..."

He rounded his shoulders, wanting to enfold the blonde into the smothering cocoon of his arms and his chest. Naruto inhaled Kakashi's scent deeply, wrapping his arms around his waist, crushing his nose between his pectorals. His shirt smelled blood, but it also had Kakashi's so particular scent of wood fire and of a rainy forest on a spring morning. Naruto loved that smell, and he knew that beneath that shirt the smell was way stronger, thus he felt a sudden urge to tear the dark cloth open and lick Kakashi's bare pectorals. He moaned in his sensei's arms, and disengaged himself from his embrace, grabbing Kakashi's collar and detaching him off the doorframe, pushing him towards his bedroom, a new blazing thunderbolt lighting the room and casting their merged, passionate shadows on the floor.

"I want you..." he breathed against Kakashi's mouth.

"So do I, koneko chan...", the silver-haired jounin panted.

God that nickname. Naruto felt powerful shivers crawl up his spine. He loved when Kakashi called him tender, affectionate names, like "baby", "love", and now "koneko chan". It was the first time ever someone would talk to him in such loving words. Suddenly he understood why he also craved for Kakashi's soft and gentle shushing. He had never had his parents to do that. They had never been there to call him such names or shush him when he was scared at night, and the blonde realized now with full force how much he had yearned for this. Yet he would never have thought that of all people, his former sensei would be the one to make him feel so unconditionally loved by saying all these things to him. Naruto wanted to curl up into his arms and listen to him call him tender names, while shushing him and holding him tight to his chest until he fell asleep. He decided he had a particularly soft spot for the "Koneko-chan" and of course that didn't go unnoticed by Kakashi who once more bared his beautifully sharp canines in a true carnivorous smile.

"Oh? he said, his voice rising up again to high notes, you like that surname now don't you, koneko chan?" he purred against Naruto's lips, stumbling backwards as the young man kept pushing him, diving his hands under the blonde's shirt and ravishing on the feeling of his lean, muscled body under his fingers.

"Keep talking to me...I like your voice so much..." Naruto moaned huskily, licking Kakashi's scar, kissing the beauty spot on his chin, sucking the corner of his lips.

"Yes my sweet, beautiful baby...My love, my darling..." Kakashi cooed while he caressed the small of Naruto's back.

"My koneko chan..." He murmured in Naruto's ear before sucking and nibbling his earlobe.

Naruto's nerves jolted.

Damn, that man was living dangerously for sure.

He was overwhelmed by such a wave of desire that he pushed too hard and Kakashi tripped on a bottle of sake that remained from Naruto's little party earlier that night.

"What the...!" the silver-haired jounin exclaimed, his eyes going wide as he felt himself topple over.

Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around Naruto's head to encase it within his chest and protect him while they both fell hard on the wooden floor.

"Daijôbu ka?" Kakashi asked to Naruto's head buried in his chest.

The young man raised his head and scratched the back of his hair, smiling sheepishly.

"Hahaha sumimasen, sensei ttebayo...!"

They both chuckled like idiots, sprawled on the floor with their arms and legs tangled together. Yet Kakashi recovered his spirits quickly and brought Naruto's face back to him:

"Now where were we...? He asked, nibbling Naruto's lower lip, ah yes...you were saying that you like my voice, koneko chan..."

"I'm going to eat you right here, right now." Naruto growled, his crotch hardening again, digging into Kakashi's hip, as he pressed his lips hungrily against Kakashi's, shoving his tongue into his mouth while Kakashi giggled.

"Mhh...he moaned in Naruto's mouth, I would definitely like that..."

Naruto wrapped his arms around Kakashi's head, his fingers tangling into his hair which was starting to dry, revealing its thick, messy texture. He thoroughly devoured his mouth and licked his sharp teeth. This time, Kakashi let himself be guided by Naruto's rhythm, as the young man kissed him still messingly, but passionately, moving their tongues together slowly but fiercely, demandingly. He started rubbing his body on Kakashi's, and he slid a hand to the man's crotch, smiling deviously as he felt it hard and long in his hand. Kakashi let out such a sigh, wrapping his arms tighter around Naruto that the blonde nearly cummed right on the spot. He detached himself from Kakashi and started fumbling feverishly with his dark shirt.

"Off...That...Take..." He panted, nearly drooling with anticipation.

"Take that off you mean, deshô?" Kakashi chuckled

"Yes. That."

"Ma, **that** is called a shirt, my baby darling." Kakashi whispered impishly.

Yet he didn't have time to answer to Naruto's request...he heard the sound of fabric tearing open and soon he heard Naruto let out a deep, lustful sigh, and his back arched when he felt the young man's tongue drift over his naked chest.

"Oh god..." He moaned.

His entire being felt hot and fuming, all his nerves screaming. He wrapped his arms around Naruto's head, his legs around his waist, and he forced Naruto's face deeper in his chest, tucking his nose neatly between his pectorals, flexing them around his face.

"You're mine...mine...Mine!" Kakashi chanted huskily, tangling his hands into the golden hair, crushing him against him.

 ** _Oh sweet holy fuck!_** Naruto whined, which came out as something like "hhhsshfffck! as his lips were crushed against the slightly sweaty skin that covered Kakashi's sternum. He could barely breathe, and his lips were so pressed in the valley between Kakashi's pectorals that there was no air between his mouth and Kakashi's skin. Naruto was litterally glued to Kakashi, and he couldn't leave unless Kakashi would let him...and Kakashi would never let him go.

That drove him mad with desire.

A formidable wave of heat appeared deep within his gut, creeping along every single one of his nerves, making them twitch and writhe against Kakashi's alabaster skin, and he nearly sobbed with the intensity of his need, feeling his crotch burn in the tightness of his boxers.

Kakashi heard and felt the ravaging impact that particular way he had got used to hug Naruto, burying his face between his pectorals, actually had on the blonde. He smiled mieschivously, knowing exactly how he could send the blonde closer to the edge. He placed his lips right against Naruto's ear.

"Shhh...You are not going anywhere...", he purred with that so characteristic voice that ended the words to replace them by a short breath coming from the back of his throat, cutting the word sharply and breathing out instead. The effect was immediate as he felt the blonde whimper and moan into his prison of flesh, his body shivering with lust and slithering like a snake against Kakashi's. The feeling of having so much effect on him made Kakashi feel so complete, as though Naruto's place indeed belonged right here in his arms, swallowed up into his pectorals while Kakashi whispered and shushed in his ear, for eternity.

The blonde started licking his chest fiercely, kissing every inch of skin he could reach from his prison, determined to keep kissing until his lips would bleed. He squirmed his body against Kakashi's long, slender one, completely alienated by the need to eat him, growling and clawing the jounin's back.

"That's it, kiss me baby...Bite me...Devour me...", the silver haired man sighed, his body arching, his head jerking backwards, his crotch burning as he felt Naruto struggle into his embrace.

He held him captive for a few more minutes, then took his head again in his hands, pulling it out of his chest and smashing their lips together. He licked Naruto's face with a growl, as the blonde was panting his name. They kissed fiercely, almost desperately, their tongues struggling in a fighting ballet to possess the other, Kakashi only interrupting them to pull Naruto's shirt over his head.

"You will please note that I do have some respect for your wardrobe contrary to you", he breathed out smiling, his lips just a few millimeters from Naruto's who felt his breath on his skin, sending painful, electric jolts to every single cell of his scorching body.

"Shut the hell up ttebayo. Don't stop." Naruto snapped, wriggling his neck forward to catch Kakashi's lips again. Yet the silver-haired man jerked backwards a little, a teasing smile splitting his handsome face as he tangled his long hands in the golden hair.

"Mmh you already have the authority of a Hokage, koneko chan..." Kakashi yowled, placing his mouth a few millimeters apart from the blonde's lips, but still jerking backwards each time Naruto was trying to swallow his mouth.

"Now, now, I need that mouth you know?" He cooed, his voice rising up an octave again wrapping his arms around Naruto's shoulders wandering his hands along his half naked body, caressing his skin and exploring the muscles of his back.

"I need it more than you do!" Naruto nearly screamed, desperately arching his neck forward to catch Kakashi's elusive mouth.

"Maa, I seriously doubt so.. Kakashi chuckled, **I** am the one eating you".

He growled like an animal and rolled over, straddling Naruto. There he opened his mouth wide and jerked his head backwards theatrically as if he was indeed preparing to swallow Naruto whole. Then he dived on him with a beastly snarl as Naruto giggled happily, and he covered the blonde's entire mouth, sucking, biting, chewing his lips, and teasing him with his sharp teeth. Naruto struggled playfully, wanting to laugh but blocked by Kakashi's mouth over his. He grabbed Kakashi's wrists and took back his position over the silver-haired man, his hardened length colliding with the older man's abs. There he blocked his hands on the floor, and Kakashi finally let go of his mouth which was now covered with saliva, and he watched Naruto with an enormous grin splitting his face, entwining their fingers together.

"Even covered with drool, you are so dazzling you would make a nun get moist right on the spot, Naruto chan." Kakashi whispered, his eyes filling with stars.

"You bastard. I feel like I've been shoved in a bathtub." Naruto chuckled.

"That was precisely the point, my sweet baby-chan, I have marked my territory", Kakashi grinned happily.

Now that Kakashi said that, Naruto noticed how much he indeed looked like a wolf. First his sharp, bright canines, but also his hair. As it was drying progressively, the blonde thought that they truly looked like thick, greyish pelt. His eyes were full of mirth and mischief, and they had a slender, almond-like shape, enhanced by a line of silver and black lashes. When he thought about it, Kakashi also shared a lot of personality features with the nocturnal beast. He was strong, powerful and calm, quiet and efficient.

Plus, he could generate a goddamn huge amount of saliva when he wanted to!

Kakashi saw him imperceptibly look for his shirt to wipe his face, and his grin widened.

"You know that you have to let go of me if you want to clean your face, ne, **_Naruto_**?" he said cheekily, insisting on the last syllabe of Naruto's name, susurring it as though he was playing with a candy on his tongue, sucking it tenderly before swallowing it whole.

They both stared at each other for a moment, Naruto preparing to jump on his shirt, Kakashi awaiting for the very moment he would loosen his grip on his wrists, determined to catch him in his arms and never let go.

They smiled mieschievously at each other, all their muscles tensing up...

...waiting like children about to throw themselves into a particulary funny game...

...waiting like the wolf watching the fox, ready to jump...

Then Naruto moved.

Within the brief illumination of a thunderbolt that hit the ground far away from Konoha, he propulsed himself on his legs and backflipped graciously, grabbing his shirt in the process while Kakashi jumped forward, his hand closing on thin air.

"Nice one," hissed, "but I'm not defeated yet!"

"Come and get me, **sensei** ttebayo!" Naruto teased, his eyes fiery while he thoroughly wiped his face with the cloth.

Kakashi lunged forward and Naruto threw the shirt at the jounin's face with a smirk, dodging him with a step aside. Kakashi grabbed the shirt and cast it on the ground, his eyes lit with such hunger and ultimate arousal Naruto felt his heart was going to erupt in flames. Yet he stood his ground, defying Kakashi as the silver-haired man jumped on him again in one of his usual gracious moves, and tried to wrap his arms around him, but Naruto blocked him and dodged again.

"Mada, mada!" the blonde exclaimed.

He quickly slid between his former's sensei's legs and ran to the other corner of the room, laughing like a thrilled child. There, he turned back to Kakashi but he wasn't there anymore.

"What the..."

Then his blue eyes widened as he understood how much he had underestimated the Copy-Ninja.

"Shimatta!"

Yet it was too late, as he felt two strong arms wrap around his chest from behind:

"Mitsuketta..." Kakashi murmured intensely, triumphally, planting his teeth in Naruto's trapezius, breathing deeply in his sweet, sugary smell.

"Teme! When did you..." Naruto gasped.

"Now, now, baby, how many times did I tell you to watch your back..."

"You have used your Sharingan! You fucking cheater ttebayo!" Naruto protested, but then he let out a yowl of pleasure as Kakashi's teeth were sinking deeper into his skin, while the silver-haired jounin tugged at Naruto's pajama's trousers.

"All means are acceptable to get you trapped in my arms..." Kakashi purred, laying gentle kisses along Naruto's back as he was kneeling to get the blonde out of his trousers. He couldn't help but chuckle a little at the sight of Naruto's underpants: green boxers with orange frogs.

"I must say I am particularly fond of your nighties." he said, biting one of Naruto's bottom cheeks and leaving a trail of drool on the greenish tissue of his boxers.

"Ahh...Naruto gasped feeling the sharp feral teeth plant themself in his flesh, shut up! And I'll have you know that I am not defeated yet" Naruto smiled impishly, well-determined to make the man yearn for him a while longer.

He made the signs necessary to the Kawarimi Jutsu...

...and soon Kakashi found his teeth planted deep into a cucumber while Naruto poofed right in the middle of the room and burst out laughing. He laughed so hard he actually had to hold his sides, as he knew Kakashi hated cucumbers.

" ** _Hahahaha God you should see your face ttebayohohohoho_**!" He screamed through his hiccups, tears of mirth leaking from his eyes.

Kakashi growled mischievously and got his teeth out of the cucumber. Naruto gasped as within the blink of an eye, he found himself tied up from head to toe in Kakashi's wires, his arms pinned at his sides.

"Ma...Now you're not going anywhere..." Kakashi whispered devilishly.

Then he did something totally unexpected. He brought the vegetable to his mouth and started licking it thoroughly, with the sensuality of the devil and the fire of absolute sin growling within his intense, mismatched eyes, his blood-red sharingan shining in the darkness like a demonic, otherwordly orb. Naruto's breath itched and he had to grasp the table behind him to keep straight as his knees were nothing more than a pathetic pile of goo.

God, the man is not human ttebayo, he is way too magnificient.

Naruto's already painful length ached even more while he watched Kakashi's pectorals flex as the man brought his hands together around the vegetable to take it into his mouth, opening his jaws wide and sucking it slowly, gently, tenderly. His long, pale hands, enlaced the dark green skin, the muscles of his arms contracting as the silver haired man closed his eyes and kept sucking on the cucumber, making it slide in and out of his mouth, licking its skin with passion and devotion.

If someone had told Naruto that someday he would be ready to sell his soul to the devil for his penis to be a cucumber, he would have hit them into the next dimension.

He wished it was **his** manhood Kakashi had sliding in his mouth at this very moment, as if he was sucking a lollipop. Oh...To feel Kakashi's tongue delicately wrapped around his erection, licking it sensually, aspiring it a little towards the back of his moist, dark throat... Unconsciously, Naruto's hand twisted beneath the wires and went to his balls and he started massaging them, completely hypnotized by what he was seeing, as though he had suddenly been trapped into a Genjutsu.

Then his fantasy went way further.

His balls ached more when he started to think that he actually wanted to be **the one** Kakashi would push into his mouth with such voluptuousness. He wanted to be completely overwhelmed into the wetness of his mouth, pressed against his palate or down into the soft texture of his tongue. He even felt harder at the apparently strange, sudden need to be swallowed and held tight in Kakashi's narrow throat, all his body vibrating with his voice as the man would whisper lovingly, before slightly sliding down and be litterally enfolded into his chest, just beside his heart. He thought that maybe that was the reason he absolutely loved to have his face engulfed between Kakashi's pectorals: he would die for Kakashi to absorb him into his protective, warm frame, never letting go of him again.

Damn, I didn't know I had vore fantasy ttebayo, Naruto thoughts rang through his blank, foggy brain.

Kakashi who was definitely most perceptive, smirked impishly as he got the cucumber out of his mouth and made it slide very gently against his long, lanky neck, smiling triumphally as he tucked it between his chest muscles and crossed his arms around his torso to flex his pectorals around the vegetable which got stuck in that position.

The sound Naruto let out at this moment was definitely not from that planet.

That was absolute torture.

He dug his nails into the table as his length was scorching and burning, the pressure in his balls becoming downright unbearable, making the blonde twist on himself.

"You...b...astard..." He panted, stroking his penis without even realizing it, nearly fainting under the incredible heat he was engulfed in.

"You started it...koneko chan... Watch well baby, this is how I am going to hold your face for the rest of your days..." he said crushing the cucumber a little further between his pectorals, slowly coming towards a slithering, whimpering Naruto who felt his cock weep in anticipation, the burning liquid sliding along his already blazing skin.

"Ah, I believe you like when I hold your face deep in my chest, ne, my darling? When I hold your face so tight you can't see the world outside anymore, right, my baby? When I enfold your head so deep in my arms you can barely breathe, right, my darling?" Kakashi continued mercilessly, his voice coated with sex and lust, vibrating through Naruto's body like a devouring spell.

Oh God those words.

Kakashi describing one of Naruto's strongest fantasies while showing him with the cucumber effectively crushed into his chest. Naruto couldn't believe the devastating, absolutely blinding power of the wave of heat that hit him with full force and which would have knocked him over if it wasn't for the strength of the table behind him.

The man can make me cum with a fucking cucumber.

Either I have a serious problem, or he is some sort of sexual demon.

How on Earth can the man possibly make me cum with a cucumber?!

Has he learned that in his Icha Icha?!

Naruto couldn't utter a word, he kept clinging to the table, watching like a mouse cornered by a cat as that fantastic man was slowly sliding forward in his elegant, majestic pace.

"Then let's not make you wait, shall we?" Kakashi whispered.

He cast the cucumber aside and before Naruto even got the time to blink, the wires around his body had disappeared and his face had come to replace the vegetable, slamming between the hard, musky-scenting walls of Kakashi's chest. The silver-haired man rounded up his shoulders again so that Naruto's face disappeared completely between his pectorals, and he slid his arms slowly, langurously around his head, squeezing the man down into his skin until Naruto's nose and lips were crashed in the depths of his warm and pale valley, like an anaconda tenderly swallowing his prey.

"You know I could do this for hours...koneko-chan...I can't get enough of holding you tight to my chest...You are mine, I want to keep you in there until the sky crumbles on us. I want to keep you safe in there so I can eat you whenever I want... And right now I really want to eat you...I want to swallow you so you can never escape me again...", Kakashi cooed into Naruto's ear, making the young man whimper into his chest, diving his tongue into the blonde's auricle. He bit his earlobe and squeezed him tighter into his arms, burying his nose in his hair to fill his lungs with the blonde's smell.

Deep in his chest, Naruto couldn't breathe but he didn't care. Kakashi's words and arms were driving him mad with lust, he wrapped his arms and legs around Kakashi's frame and focused on the feeling of having his face engulfed in the jounin's chest, the sensation of the two warm muscles flexing on either side of his face as the man's long, lanky arms wrapped around his head, as his hands tangled in his blonde hair and forced his face further into his pectorals. Kakashi had of course calculated when he had to release Naruto so the blonde could breathe. Thus he loosened his embrace a little and Naruto took advantage of the faltering embrace to take a deep breath and start sucking on the little drops of sweat that were flowing like thin streams between Kakashi's pectorals, following the course of his sternum. Panting and whining, he savored the salty taste and smell while Kakashi's hands were wandering again on the blonde's body, mapping each one of his muscles, caressing him, keeping him prisoner.

Then Kakashi lifted the blonde up into his arms and laid him on the table behind him, knocking the left over bottles and ramen boxes over on the floor while he climbed on Naruto and captured his lips into his.

"Mmh...Naruto protested between two kisses, don't tell me I'm messy after that...mmh..."

"Shh..."Kakashi purred, ravishing the blonde's mouth, slithering over his squirming body. He covered his face with long, loving kisses, licking his closed eyelids, biting his nose, sucking his bottom lip.

"Ah...Kaka-chan..."Naruto whined, all his body shivering under Kakashi's touch.

"Yes darling, I'm here...Always..." Kakashi's deep voice vibrated in his ear before the silver-haired jounin plunged his face into Naruto's throat, tracing the line of his neck with his tongue. Naruto's erection had come to the point where it was absolutely unbearable.

"Kakashi...I...It hurts..." he said.

"I know baby. Let me take care of it..." Kakashi soothed.

He curled his tongue into the hollow of Naruto's collarbone, making the blonde arch his back, letting out a moan tinted with a mixture of absolute pain and pleasure. Kakashi let go of Naruto's wrists so he could travel further down Naruto's body, feathering kisses on his moist skin like a painter composing his masterpiece. Naruto immediately plunged his hands into the jounin's thick hair, pressing Kakashi's face against him while the Copy-Ninja fondled his golden skin, licking the musky sweat which covered his abs and chest, tracing the seal marks on his stomach with a delicate, teasing tongue. With one of his hands, he enfolded Naruto's length in his tall hand and felt a shiver overwhelm his own body at the sensation of the blonde's intense pleasure and need weeping on his fingers.

"You are beautiful, Naruto-chan..." he whispered, diving his tongue into Naruto's navel.

"Ah... **God, Kakashi.** " Naruto exclaimed, throwing his head backwards as his belly filled with an extraordinary swarm of bees flying frenetically to every single corner of his body.

Kakashi kept stroking his penis while licking his way down to it, slowly, tantalizingly, making Naruto touch the borders of a pleasure so intense it flirted with utmost pain.

"Kaka-chan!" he whimpered, thinking he was going to faint.

"All right, all right..." Kakashi chuckled, his laugh rolling voluptuously in his throat.

Swiftly, he made Naruto's boxers slid along the blonde's legs; smirking and drooling slightly with anticipation.

"Undressing no jutsu..." he whispered, blowing gently on Naruto's reddened and blazing shaft.

" **Don't freaking do that."** Naruto hissed, feeling like his entire package was going to explode.

"Oh? It seems to me that you love it..." Kakashi sang.

" **DO SOMETHING. IT BURNS."** Naruto almost cried.

"Yes, my love...Your wish is my command..." Kakashi purred slowly.

He gently encased Naruto's shaft within his hands and gently, very gently, he laid his tongue on the head, outlining it subrepticely, making Naruto yelp and dig his nails into Kakashi's scalp.

"Ma, it's time to be serious, he cooed, laying a kiss on Naruto's groin, devouring no jutsu!"

He took the entire appendage into his mouth, making particularly sure he didn't scratch the sensitive skin with his acute canines, exactly as he had done with the cucumber.

"Ah...God, Kaka-chan..."

Kakashi started sliding Naruto's length in and out of his mouth, slowly, sensually, entwining his fingers around it, his tongue swirling around the swollen organ, teasing it and sucking it like a particularly delicious lollipop. He closed his eyes at the salty, citrusy taste of Naruto's need mixing with his own saliva, and Naruto started to thrust his pelvis in rhythm, pressing Kakashi's head down to his manhood, whimpering softly. As he started to work faster on Naruto's cock, Kakashi used one of his hands to cup the blonde's testicles and massage them slowly, easing the pressure in them, tangling his fingers into the golden hairs covering them. He got Naruto's sex out of his mouth and gently blew on it, making it go from hot moisture to a fresh breeze, and Naruto felt as if his blood had turned into magma.

" **Oh fuck!** " he whined, his toes curling up, his muscles contracting deliciously painfully.

"Don't hold back, baby, don't hold back...Let it come..." Kakashi soothed.

The older man wasn't done yet. Cradling his young lover's balls into his hands, he went to lick the seam between the testicles, then sucked them very gently, before blowing on them as well.

"K..Kak... ** _AH_**...!"

Naruto's whimpers and accelerated breathing were a like a symphony to Kakashi's ears, and he felt the blonde was going to lose it. So he abandoned his testicles to go back to his erection and add the final touch.

Slowy, very tenderly, he applied a slight pressure on the wet meatus just on top of Naruto's organ.

"Come for me, my beautiful love..." Kakashi whispered against the swollen head, before engulfing it again in his mouth.

That's when Naruto exploded.

With a strangled gasp, his entire body tensed under an extraordinary wave of pleasure that sent him right to the stars, making his body shake in such violent thrusts he thought his heart was going to stop, releasing his semen into Kakashi's avid mouth. The silver-haired jounin didn't lose a drop and gulped the thick, salty liquid down his throat, before releasing Naruto's cock and licking his lips like a satisfied cat. He crawled back up on Naruto's body as the blonde-haired boy lied on the table, his entire body feeling like a giant pile of blissfull marshmallow. Kakashi smiled fondly and wrapped his arms around the blonde, laying a long, tender kiss on his still lips, then bringing his head to the hollow of his shoulder, supporting his neck with his hand, and hugging him tight to him. He kept kissing his hair, his temple, his ear and his neck while Naruto breathed into Kakashi's skin, ravishing on the feeling of his silver hair brushing against his eyelids. He could feel the jounin swallow, and he turned his face so that his nose was pressed into his throat. There, he took a deep breath, taking in Kakashi's rainy, woody scent now mixed with sweat and musk.

They remained in that position for quite a long time, sprawled together on the table of Naruto's livingroom, while the blonde was slowly starting to come back to the real world, as if he had temporarily be sent into a world of utmost calm and serenity where he couldn't even feel his body anymore. Then, thinking the blonde was going to fall asleep into his arms, Kakashi started to pull away in order to get them both to bed. Naruto whimpered and clung to him, burying his face further into his naked shoulder. Kakashi smiled and tangled his hand back into Naruto's hair, caressing him and squeezing him in his arms.

"Shhh, baby I'm not going anywhere without you, I promise." he shushed.

He climbed off the table and lifted Naruto into his arms, carrying him like a child, while Naruto wrapped his arms around his neck and his legs around his waist. Kakashi pushed his face into his shoulder and walked towards Naruto's bedroom. There, he gently laid Naruto down under the sheets, but he didn't climb next to him. After all, he had just come back from a long mission, and except some occasional, rapid ablutions in the forest streams, it had been a long time since the last time he had taken a real shower. As a result, he didn't feel comfortable with the idea of climbing in Naruto's bed in that state, even though the diluvian rain had washed off most of the blood and grime.

Besides, he was still hard, Naruto having reached an orgasm before him, and it was starting to hurt a lot, thus a little detour to Naruto's bathroom would be most relievable.

He laid a long kiss on Naruto's forehead and started to pull away towards the bathroom when Naruto grabbed his hand.

"Don't leave me", he said, his blue eyes wide open, screaming their fear of being abandoned. Kakashi couldn't bear the sight of that fear which he considered should never, ever appear in these beautiful, sapphire eyes.

The Copy-Ninja went to sit on the bed and gently caressed Naruto's face with a tender smile.

"I will never, ever leave you, Naruto-chan, you hear me? I will keep repeating it every second of every minute of every hour of every day if I have to. I am just going to use your bathroom to clean up a bit. After all I'm coming back from mission, I don't want to soil your bed."

"I don't care. Please, stay with me."

"But..."

"No buts, come here, ttebayo!" Naruto growled, tugging on Kakashi's hand until the silver-haired jounin was lying beside him.

"Get under the sheets."

"Naruto, seriously I..."

"I couldn't care less if you had just been rolling yourself in a pool of mud, I just want to hold you. I have been waiting for you for freaking weeks, feeling cold every freaking night, so now you get your freaking ass in this freaking bed and let me freaking hold you."

Kakashi sighed. How could he resist? He shook his silver haired and obeyed, shifting his tall, slender body into Naruto's bed.

"Yare yare..." he sighed, while Naruto wrapped his arms around Kakashi and came to curl against him, leaving no space between them. He tucked his nose into the hollow of Kakashi's collarbone, resting his lips on the birth of his pectorals he could feel flexing under him as Kakashi was tightening his embrace around him, putting his chin on the top of his golden head.

Then he felt something most interesting, and his face splitted into a wide grin.

"Oh? You are still aroused, Kakashi-sensei?" he purred, sucking slightly on Kakashi's collarbone, making the man shiver.

"Well yes, I wonder whose fault it is..." Kakashi chuckled softly.

"Mmmh...I should probably thank you for that fantastic lesson you gave me back on the table of my living-room ttebayo..." Naruto whispered, burrowing his face between Kakashi's pectorals and licking his sternum like a kitten sucking on his mother.

"It was my pleasure, my baby..." Kakashi answered, squeezing Naruto's head in his arms, cradling his face into his chest.

As Naruto kept kissing his chest langurously, Kakashi giggled a little.

Naruto raised his head from the jounin's pectorals and pulled away a little to look at the man.

"What's so funny?" he asked, smiling fondly at the sight of Kakashi's dimples and twisting himself to lay a gentle kiss on the beauty spot on his chin.

"I was just wondering why on earth you had a cucumber in your apartment? Sakura has been the one taking over for me and forcing you to eat vegetables?"

"Mmmmh, there are a lot more ways to use a cucumber you know, **sensei**..." Naruto purred, making the last word slide purposefully on his tongue like a particularly crispy delicacy.

He looked maliciously at Kakashi, wanting to trick him into believing he had planted his teeth in an object that had visited his most "indelicate" inner parts.

Yet again, Kakashi surprised him by playing along, and an even wider grin came to stretch the jounin's thin face as shook his silver hair out of his eyes, licked his lips and bared his sharp teeth.

"Mmmh...Omoshiroi deshô..." He yowled with such a sexy voice that Naruto's heart missed a beat as he started laughing nervously, his body heating up again.

Damn, that man was going to be the death of him.

"You freaking pervert..." He hiccuped, his eyes marveling at Kakashi's incredibly intense look.

"Hahaha...Kakashi laughed darkly, you have no idea how right you are...koneko chan..."

He silenced Naruto's excited laugh with a deep, sensual kiss, taking him in his arms and squeezing his shoulders, pressing their bodies so tight there was no air between their bare skins. When Kakashi let go of his young prey's mouth, he watched fondly as Naruto had his eyes closed in trance. He chuckled as he felt the blonde's erection rise again.

"You are one hungry guy, ne, Naru ** _to_**?" Kakashi breathed out against Naruto's lips, again insisting particularly on the last syllabe of the blonde's name.

"Well, I do have the particularity of recovering pretty fast thanks to Kyuubi's chakra, you know..." Naruto answered, blushing furiously.

As Kakashi admired the flushing, whiskered cheeks and the slightly sheepish smile, he felt his heart flood with a formidable wave of raw, pure love. He hugged Naruto to him and buried the blonde's face in his shoulder before bringing his lips against his young love's ear:

"Aishiteru." He murmured instinctively, as though it was an obvious, general truth.

Naruto's body seemed to burst in flames again and he almost let out a sob while he squeezed Kakashi tight to him, letting out a shuddering breath. He kissed his neck while tangling his hands in the silver hair which had recovered their thick, feral texture, tracing his fingers down Kakashi's back, following the long, elegant line of his nuque. As for Kakashi, he started rubbing his pelvis against Naruto, feeling harder by the minute.

"Ore mo aishiteru..." Naruto answered, his voice shaking slightly.

They started moving together on the rhythm of their dancing tongues, their heating bodies coiling around each other. Naruto cupped Kakashi's angular jaw into his hands and moaned slightly as he melt into Kakashi's kiss. His hands caressed the silver hair, drifting through the thick rebel strands, repelling them from Kakashi's forehead, then tracing Kakashi's scar with his thumb while the other hand traveled down along his muscular chest. Desire burning up again in his gut, he growled slightly and pushed Kakashi down on his back, straddling him and pinning him down into the mattress. He never let go of his mouth, conducting the kiss, wrapping both of his arms around the jounin's head and never faltering his embrace, not even to let him breathe. He could feel Kakashi's length hard against his abs, and he was overwhelmed by a powerful need to give everything he had to that man. He wanted to give him so much pleasure he would forget all his demons, so much pleasure he would be nothing more than a heap of musky, shivering whispers.

"Naruto..."

Kakashi whispered his name like a prayer, like an amulet. The absolute love and devotion he could see in his mismatched eyes carried such strength it engulfed Naruto into a new wave of a thousand of emotions that felt way too strong for a mere mortal to bear alone.

"I love you...I love you, Kakashi..." the blonde chanted against Kakashi's lips as they separated in a moist, squishy sound, tangling their hands together. He dived on Kakashi's left nipple and started sucking it softly, swirling his tongue around it, nibbling on it, while Kakashi's muscles tensed up again under the action.

"Never, ever forget that..." he went on, rubbing Kakashi's knuckles with his fingers and drifting his tongue over the scars of his smooth-skinned chest, then kissing each one of them as though to appropriate them, accepting Kakashi's past and cherishing it as a part of the personnality of that unique, so unique man. He raised Kakashi's hands to his face and pressed his cheek into his palms, before kissing them while planting his blue eyes into the grey and red ones. The fierce message of utmost, unconditional acceptation behind these cerrulean eyes reached Kakashi deep within his soul, and the man let out a shuddering breath as he felt the tears come up to his eyes. Naruto leaned over and laid a long, tender kiss on Kakashi's trembling lips, whispering softly:

"You are precious and beautiful in every aspect, Kakashi... And I don't care what you did...I don't care who you killed...I want to feel you by my side every second of my life. I want each and every part of your soul, may it be in darkness or in light."

Kakashi let out a little gasp and he crushed Naruto to him, ravaging his mouth and hugging him so tight Naruto felt his bones crack. They kissed fiercely, as Naruto tugged at Kakashi's pants. They rolled over in the bed, their bodies slithering and vibrating, and after a few acrobatics, Kakashi found himself entirely naked, and once again, they unified their scorching skins together. For a moment, they were nothing more than a pile of arms and legs tangled together, twisting in the sheets and rolling over each other, growling, pulling, kissing, licking, teasing, clawing, biting. They melt into their universe, completely shut from the outside world ravaged by the storm, for the storm swirling in both their hearts, bringing their souls together was so much greater. Nothing mattered anymore but to hold the other close and kiss him into oblivion.

Naruto ended up straddling Kakashi, panting and sweating, his eyes devouring the jounin. They both had reached the utmost point of sexual arousal, and Naruto longed to make Kakashi touch the stars...

Yet as he had never had sex with anyone, let alone with a man, he didn't have a clue as to how to proceed.

"I...I'm sorry Kakashi..." he said, lowering his eyes, a little ashamed to break the ascend of their mutual desire.

Kakashi frowned and took his face within his hands.

"What's wrong, darling?" he panted, a drop of sweat sliding down his temple.

"I...I want to give you pleasure...But...I don't know how..."

Kakashi thought his heart was going to melt with fondness.

"Oh baby, daijôbu desu yo...I don't mind..." he said, attempting to wrap his arms around Naruto's shoulders to bring him down into his embrace. Yet Naruto resisted and planted his beautiful eyes into his.

"Please...Tell me, Kakashi. Tell me what you need, show me how to give you all these things you give me. I want to give you everything I have." he said almost desperately.

Kakashi smiled lovingly, touched beyond reason.

"All right, all right sweetheart...Hem... first you wouldn't have any hem...lube, would you?"

"Right behind you. Drawer." Naruto answered, tracing Kakashi's collarbone with his tongue.

"Really?!" Kakashi couldn't help but asking, surprised.

"Well of course, really, did you think I didn't have any sexual needs ttebayo?!" Naruto snapped, jerking his head upwards, offended.

"Maaa, maa, I'm sorry koneko-chan, don't get mad..." Kakashi chuckled, bringing Naruto's forehead to his lips and kissing it softly.

"Uruse. Give me the freaking bottle already", Naruto pouted.

Kakashi couldn't help but laugh harder. Naruto was indeed the most unpredictable ninja ever. Within a few instants, he was capable of going from the most sincere, the most devoted love declaration to his trademark childish, raging pouting.

"I love it so much when you pout, my sweet baby..." Kakashi teased, biting Naruto's stubbornly tight lips.

"I'm not pouting ttebayo!"

"Hoho yes you are **ttebayo** , and that must be the cutest thing I have ever seen in my long life."

"Yeah right, ojiji-chan, Naruto snickered, now stop laughing like an idiot, move your tall old ass and get me that bottle!"

Kakashi deviously gave a particularly wet kiss to Naruto's lips before twisting his tall, lean body to reach the drawer behind him. Naruto's irritation melt as he ravished on the sight of Kakashi's tense muscles. They formed such lines a painter would have sunk deep into utter madness trying to render their breathtaking beauty with accuracy. His head was turned towards the drawer, offering Naruto a clear view on the gorgeous junction between his delicately angular jaw and his slender, swan-like neck, enhanced by the loose silver hair that was falling on his nuque. His right arm was planted firmly into the mattress, and Naruto's eyes slid gently over Kakashi's anbu tatoo that was adorning his shoulder. Outside Naruto's appartment, the rain had stopped and the coulds had cleared, letting the moonlight drift gently through the window, bathing Kakashi with a silver glow which reverberated with his hair and outlined the muscles moving under his pale, smooth skin. It traced the line of his collarbone, fell on his well-defined pectorals and abs while they contracted themselves, creating a fantastic game of shadows and highlights painted with ink and moon dust. His arm was outstretched towards the drawer, and Naruto noticed that his armpit was shaved, making him look a little bit more like a marble statue. His biceps and the muscles of his forearm displayed a complex network of smooth, powerful lines, melting in the apotheose of his beautiful, slender hand that was now clutching the bottle.

When Kakashi turned back towards Naruto, the blonde was looking at him with so much desire his breath itched.

"Did I miss some..."

He didn't have the time to finish his sentence. Naruto had litterally jumped on him, prying the bottle out of his hands and voraciously devouring his mouth, with so much passion Kakashi felt like he was suddenly overwhelmed in a hurricane. The blonde left his mouth to suck his neck so hard Kakashi blessed his habit of wearing turtlenecks in public. Kakashi let himself be carried away by Naruto's passion, wrapping his arms around the blonde's shoulders as the latter was sliding his mouth down his collarbone, diving his tongue into the hollow formed by the attachment of the muscles of his neck to his chest.

"Hold me..." Naruto panted, his lips catching the drops of sweat sliding on Kakashi's pectorals.

The silver-haired man didn't need to be asked twice.

"Come here..." he breathed out.

He tangled his hands into Naruto's hair and crushed the young man to his chest, wrapping his legs around him as well. Again, Naruto's crotch was starting to feel unbelievably painful, and while his face was crushed into Kakashi's chest, he succeeded in opening the bottle. Kakashi guessed his intention and he loosened his embrace a little and gently took the bottle from Naruto's hands, smiling greedily against the blonde's lips.

"May I?" he whispered.

Naruto wrapped his arms around his neck and dived his hands into Kakashi's mane. He ravaged his mouth as Kakashi poured a generous amount of lubricant on his hands before envelopping Naruto's penis into them, causing a pleased sigh to escape from the blonde's lips into his mouth. Following the luscious rhythm of their tongues, Kakashi stroked Naruto's length lovingly, coating him efficiently with the liquid. When he knew it was sufficiently lubricated, he closed the bottle, still kissing Naruto, swallowing a bit of the saliva that was flowing in his mouth at the arousal Naruto provoked within him. Then he reached his arm out of the bed, dropping the bottle not too far from the floor to avoid breaking it, and once his hands got free, he put them on Naruto's tight waist, laying backwards gently, still not letting go of the blonde's lips.

"Come..." he whispered tenderly against Naruto's mouth, caressing his back.

Naruto followed the movement, and Kakashi guided him above him, making him straddle his body, the blonde's erection right at the entrance of his own body.

Yet suddenly, as Naruto parted their lips, he froze above Kakashi.

Kakashi was under him, ready to welcome him inside of him.

This was what they both wanted.

Naruto finally had the occasion to give Kakashi as much pleasure as the jounin had given him.

Yet the blonde's heart suddenly filled with dread, and he felt the icy hands of fear cutching his throat.

He let out a shuddering breath, his eyes never leaving Kakashi's.

Feeling his trouble, Kakashi frowned and reached out a hand to stroke Naruto's face with the back of his knuckles.

"Hey, baby, what's wrong?" he asked gently.

Naruto didn't answer, and he watched Kakashi with a mixture of despair, sorrow and fear into his blue eyes.

He couldn't move anymore.

He was completely tetanized, as though his entire body had suddenly turned into stone.

He couldn't say a word.

Panic was crawling up his chest, compressing it and tightening his throat.

His hands clutched Kakashi's shoulders, and his breath started coming out in shuddering, erratic pants.

Kakashi felt his heart shatter at the sight.

"Baby? Baby!", he called out gently to Naruto, who didn't react.

Kakashi slid his hand behind Naruto's head, yanking his face down into his bare chest.

"Hey, hey, hey, come here..." he cooed gently, wrapping both his arms around Naruto's head, holding him firmly but tenderly against him, muffling the blonde's erratic pants into that familiar, warm shelter that were Kakashi's pectorals.

"Shhhh...you don't have to do it, my love. You don't have to do it...It's okay...shhh, don't be afraid...Breathe, baby. Breathe me. I'm here." Kakashi soothed, kissing his hair and rounding his shoulders to encase Naruto's face deeper between his pectorals and drown him into his protective, comforting smell.

He tenderly kissed and carressed his hair while he felt the blonde try to catch up his breath into his chest.

"Breathe, Naruto...It's okay, you don't have to do it, I promise. There are plenty of other ways to have sex, my baby, even between two men. It's okay, don't worry. Shhh-shhh-shhh-shhh...", he soothed, cradling Naruto to him, holding him protectively and dearly.

He heard the blonde say something, but the words were muffled into his muscles. He loosened his embrace and turned Naruto's face so that his cheek was resting on his heart and that he could understand what he was saying.

"I...I want to do it but...I'm...I'm scared to hurt you..." Naruto said, his voice tightening.

Kakashi massaged Naruto's nuque gently, the other hand rubbing soothing circles into his naked back.

"Maaa, maa...It's okay baby, you won't hurt me. Trust me. It's okay. You know, the human body is well made, especially when two persons are equally attracted to each other" he said, squeezing Naruto tenderly to him.

He held him tight and close for several minutes, and progressively, Naruto's breath became regular again. Thus he took his face into his hands and rested their foreheads together.

"Don't think, Naruto-chan. Don't think, just feel. Wakatta?"

"I...I don't want to disappoint you...I..." Naruto murmured.

Kakashi took him into his mouth and held him in there for a moment, silencing him, before releasing him with a wet, languid sound and planting his mismatched eyes in the younger ones.

"Shhhh...You can't disappoint me, Naruto, ever. I love you. That's all you have to think about. I love you, and I will be happy with everything you give me, even if it's just letting me hold you and watch you while you sleep."

He kissed him again with that same, languid, comforting rhythm.

"You can do whatever you want, my love, I will be happy with it."

Naruto's breath itched as his heart exploded with love for his former sensei. He closed his eyes as he focused on Kakashi's mouth engulfing him and caressing him, breathing sweet, loving words. His skin itched with a thousands of butterfly wings, and he felt the fire growing again in his gut.

"Shhh...Let yourself go, my darling. I love you. I'm all yours, forever, no matter what..." Kakashi murmured in a breath.

As Naruto wrapped his arms around Kakashi's neck, the silver-haired jounin gently captured Naruto's testicles and started massaging them slowly, making Naruto sigh lustfully into his mouth. They rocked in a tender, loving motion, and Naruto felt his insides melt again in nothing more than an ocean of steaming, liquid fire. Kakashi could feel it as the blonde's kissing became more passionate and hasty, and he smiled softly against his lips.

"You can do whatever you like. I'm yours. You can do all the dirtiest things you have ever dreamt of, my koneko chan..."he purred, holding Naruto in his arms and drifting a hand over the blonde's bottom.

He kept carressing, kissing and shushing him softly, so that Naruto's fear disappeared completely, replaced by an incredible need to litterally enter Kakshi's body, to merge with him until both of them were nothing more than a pile of flesh, sweat and love. A feral grin stretched over Naruto's whiskered cheeks and he dived his blue eyes right into his sensei's eyes.

"It's dangerous to let me play with you, you know, sensei..."he susurred, biting Kakashi's nose.

"Ma, I have a particular taste for dangerous beasts..." Kakashi answered, licking Naruto's throat.

Slowly, gently, without putting too much attention on it, Kakashi captured Naruto's penis into his tall hand and guided it at the entrance of his tunnel. There he wrapped his arms around Naruto's back again and started rocking his pelvis, enjoining Naruto to do the same, but still kissing and teasing Naruto to keep him aroused and focused on his desire rather than his fear.

Yet Naruto wasn't afraid anymore. Kakashi had gave him back his confidence, and knowing that the silver-haired man would keep loving him and cherishing him whatever happened just gave him wings and broke every last defence he could have. So he parted his lips from Kakashi's and dived his eyes into the almond-shaped, mismatched ones. Taking a breath, he positionned himself a little bit more comfortably above the man. The absolute, endless love and trust he could see in Kakashi's eyes encouraged him.

So as their eyes remained fixed to each other, Naruto moved and with a slow, careful move of his pelvis, he merged with the man he loved so desperately.

Kakashi was very tight. At the feeling of Naruto's length slide inside of him, he threw his head behind, wincing a little at the sensation. It had been a very long time since the last time he had slept with a man, and in addition to that, he was used to be the one on top. As a result, his body had to adjust itself, despite the lubricant. When his eyes met Naruto's again, he saw a tiny glow of doubt inside them, and he took his face into his tall hands again, covering his face with kisses.

"Keep going baby. Keep going, slowly. It's normal. You're doing well, my love. You're doing well..." he whispered, smiling, kissing the blonde lovingly, caressing his hair and rocking his pelvis against his body.

Naruto nodded, not leaving Kakashi's confident, grey and red eyes. Melting in Kakashi's arms and breath, he withdrew slowly from the jounin's cavern, and entered it again, a little bit more confidently, making Kakashi moan and smile with pleasure. That beautiful smile that came to grace is lips, the way the man closed his eyes briefly, his nuque slightly arching made Naruto's insides burn even more. He had never, ever felt so powerful. Being capable of giving pleasure to that extraordinary man that was Kakashi was a feeling so strong it almost brought tears to the blonde's eyes.

"I love you, Kakashi", he whispered, while he started rocking his pelvis back and forth, slowly but with more and more confidence.

Kakashi opened his beautiful eyes again and watched Naruto with wonder, as though he was looking at the most magnificient treasure in the world.

"I love you too, Naruto. Always." he answered, his voice quivering with emotion.

Naruto's pace progressively became faster, sliding in and out of Kakashi with powerful thrusts, observing the silver-haired man's reactions carefully until one particularly powerful thrust had the jounin arch his back and let out a moan so full of lust that Naruto thought his entire blood system was going to erupt in flames.

"Oh God...T..There...Th..That spot N..Naruto...A..again..." Kakashi panted, his hands coiling into Naruto's hair, his nails digging in the blonde's scalp.

Naruto grinned and sunk his teeth into Kakashi's offered throat.

"Yes...Sensei..." he murmured against the sweaty, pale skin.

He resumed his thrusting motion, remembering that paticular angle he had hit, and trying to put more pressure in it. It seemed to work, as Kakashi's voice flew up in a gasp that Naruto had never thought he would hear from his former sensei.

"Ah...Sensei..." he exhaled, his insides coiling and burning, as he closed his eyes to focus on the sensation of Kakashi's warm tunnel envelopping his penis, holding it tight and safe. His skin shivered as he felt Kakashi's hands explore his body, tracing his muscles and mapping every single ounce of his moist, tanned skin.

The two men slowly got wrapped up again into a tender, blazing dance, their bodies dedicated to each other, their breaths becoming shorter, whispering their names, chanting how much they loved each other. Naruto's pelvis was thrusting faster and faster, his cock engulfed in formidable heat, Kakashi moving his body to meet his, to get his length deeper, always deeper inside himself. Their arms wrapped around each other as the moonlight bathed them into a pool of etheral light, witnessing the ultimate union of gold and silver. They were consumed by the flames of an immense, fantastic inferno which carried them both tangled and panting to the very boundaries of reality itself, challenging the fabric of time and space. The music of their names rolled on their tongues like the whispered yowls of two starving tigers, the blazing light burning in their eyes so dazzling it could blind a thousand of suns. As each one was pressing himself against the other, they kept thinking that they had found their place, right here in the other's arms, and that they couldn't care less if they had fallen into Hell or Heaven. Nothing mattered anymore except their hearts beating together, never stopping. Tears poured on their cheeks, mixing with sweat and saliva as their hearts screamed a love so immense it was almost unbearable, and they held each other fiercely, each one cooing that he was there, that he would never leave.

"Oh, baby...Baby... **Baby!** " Kakashi breathed as his entire body was shivering and covered in sweat, as Naruto's pace was slowly bringing him up to touch the supreme spheres of utmost, absolute pleasure. The blonde had disentangled from Kakashi's avid arms to straddle him straight, and have more control and power over his actions. His hands were stroking Kakashi's hard, swollen, seeping length as he was throwing his head backwards, offering Kakashi the perfect view of his body tensed under the effort, all his muscles covered in sweat, contracting and flexing under his hands at each one of his powerful thrusts which were progressively making him lose his mind with the most intense, painful, blazing pleasure he had ever, ever felt. Naruto had never made love before, and as an experienced seme, Kakashi could tell the blonde lacked experience. He was sometimes hasty and messy in his actions, letting the passion carry him away impatiently, but he didn't care. To him, he was perfect. He was perfect as an uke as well as as a seme. Kakashi would have accepted anything coming from the blonde, as well as he himself wanted to do so many things to him. The only fact to see him so devoted and concentrated, the only fact to feel him engulfed in his depths, the only fact to have him whisper his name in such a loving, sensual way was enough to send him fly right over the edge.

"Kakashi..."

"Naruto..."

They were panting loudly, sighing and moaning, as Naruto kept going faster...

"Ah...Kakashi...!"

"God, Naruto..."

A formidable, growling wave of heat started appearing deep down their guts, and they gripped each other as they felt they were going to lose it.

"Kakashi..."

"Keep going baby...K...Ah...Keep going...My love..." Kakashi almost cried, grabbing Naruto's waist to slam both their pelvises together, increasing Naruto's pace, making him dive even deeper into his body.

The wave of heat was too strong, Naruto thought his heart was going to stop, he wasn't sure it could endure so much pleasure. Yet he didn't care. He would be more than happy to die right within Kakashi's arms, flying with him amongst a myriad of stars.

" **Kakashi!** "

" **Naruto!** "

They were both gasping, out of breath, whining, whimpering, their bodies contracted and twisted as they came closer and closer to utmost euphoria.

Naruto threw himself one last time into Kakashi's tunnel...

... and that was when the fabric of reality tore apart, exploding in a billion of tiny pieces.

As they breathed their mutual names like a prayer, the wave swallowed them whole and united their bodies which merged into a single entity of absolute love and devotion. Time stopped as every single molecule of their bodies seemed to melt with the other, space seemed to shrink only to envelop them both into a cocoon of pure, raw extasy. As their bodies were caught up in powerful, magnificient spasms that seemed to shake the very ground, catching fire in unison, they clung to each other as they were both catapulted into an infinity of bliss and serenity, wrapped up together for the rest of eternity, rocked by the sound of their hearts beating together into one single, eternal song. Tears of absolute happiness and wonder sprung out from their eyes as their hearts broke under the weight of their mutual love, and as their souls entwined together never to be separated whether in life or in death.

Naruto fell heavily on Kakashi, his nose nestled in the man's neck. Kakashi wrapped his arms tightly around his shoulders and his legs around his waist, panting and sweating.

They soared for a moment, their bodies never separating, flying gently in the new world they had discovered together.

As they lied curled up around each other, they buried their noses into the other, not saying a word, just focusing on the feeling of the other in their arms.

They didn't need any words.

Their thoughts were drifting like satellites within the calm immensity that was now overwhelming their souls.

 _I want to stay with you forever_ , Kakashi thought.

This is my place, this is my world, ttebayo.

They kept stroking each other gently, lovingly, wiping the sweat, sighing in peace.

 _I want to hold you close until reality dissolves._

I realize now how empty my life was without your love.

Kakashi held Naruto tighter to him, tangling a hand into his hair, burying his face further into his neck.

 _I am born again in your arms, you are my sun..._

...you are my guide...

Naruto burrowed further into the jonction between Kakashi's jaw and throat, breathing deeply into his musky, salty, sweaty scent.

 _...you are my soul..._

...you are my soul...

As the sun was rising to the East, casting its blood-red light upon their bed, the two lovers started feeling the hands of sleep drag them down, pinning them down together into the mattress.

 _... you are..._

... you are...

They let out a deep sigh, as they departed together for the land of dreams, with one last thought drifting over both their souls, like a song, like the title of a story that had just begun, and which would never, ever end.

... _my Salvation._

... my Salvation.

 **AN: God that was a challenge to write. I hope you liked it, as I poured all my heart within that chapter. Well actually there isn't any single chapter of this story I haven't written with my heart but this one and the former asked a lot from me! I really hope it was worth it. As it was asked, I tried to picture a versatile couple: Kakashi is leading but in the end, it's Naruto on top, guided by Kakashi. I hope it meets your expectations! But it's not over yet, there's still an epilogue to go, so don't leave yet! Anyway if you are leaving after this chapter, thank you for having read until now.**


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